“He’s just being polite, Jackie.”
Another scoff from her best friend. “Are you kidding? That boy is infatuated with you and he’s freaking out.”
Charlotte remembered the silent struggle on Reece’s face when she admitted she didn’t want to leave the reunion. A big part of Reece wanted the same thing she did, she knew that for a fact. He was as transparent as a sheet of cling wrap.
But Reece was smart. He learned from his mistakes. Wanting her wasn’t a mistake, but wanting a future with her was.
Maybe it was a good thing he’d seen her with Ben tonight. He needed to understand that she had nothing to offer him beyond a slow dance and no-strings-attached fun.
“Why do you always assume the worst of that boy?” Jackie’s impatience bled through the question. Charlotte twisted to squint up at Jackie’s sober face. “He’s never given you one reason to doubt him.”
She uncoiled herself from Jackie’s lap and sat up. “Oh, I don’t know,” Charlotte snipped. “What’s happened in my life to give me trust issues? I’m drawing a blank.”
Jackie hesitated.
Charlotte could see her parsing the right way to respond. She continued before Jackie had a chance to coddle her. “Look, I know Reece isn’t Ben. But he just got out of a serious relationship, and I doubt he wants to deal with my shit.” She picked at her fingernails as she pictured the horror on Reece’s face when she stumbled to the ground. She literally hit rock bottom at his feet. “The real world isn’t pong and nacho fries. I’m not girlfriend material.” She spat the last phrase. It felt perversely satisfying to admit it.
Ben had seen it, and Reece would discover eventually too. She didn’t know how to have a real relationship. She didn’t know how to fight for someone. And no one ever fought for her.
“Shut the fuck up.”
Charlotte startled.
Jackie rolled her eyes, her voice a hard drawl. “I’m sorry that your ex showed up and ruined your night. He’s a pig. But I’m not going to sit here and listen to the bullshit he installed in your brain. I know you don’t believe that about yourself, and Reece doesn’t either.” Jackie’s eyes narrowed. “Give me your hand.”
“What?”
She snatched Charlotte’s hand from her mouth and held it up to her face. “You are literally eating yourself. Do you see this?” Jackie waved her hand around by the wrist, forcing Charlotte to see her bleeding cuticles. “So you’re a depressed bisexual with terrible parents. That doesn’t mean you don’t know how to love someone. Do you hear me?”
Charlotte stared at her, stuck between years of hurt and the dark laugh growing in her throat. She yanked her hand back and curled her nails into her palm.
Jackie barreled on. “You didn’t deserve how Ben treated you. That’s why you left him. And you don’t deserve how your mother treated you. That’s why she’s not in your life. But don’t you dare write off Reece. It’s just another way for you to give up on yourself. And that’s exactly what your mom would want you to do. And Roger, for that matter.”
The urge to laugh at her best friend’s tough love evaporated. “Please don’t bring my job into this.”
Jackie’s eyes flashed. “Oh, I think we should, because you’re a dumbass if you don’t see the connection.”
Charlotte crossed her arms over her chest, torn between desperation to avoid the conflict that had been brewing all weekend and anger that Jackie wouldn’t let this go. “Please just drop it.”
“No. I’m not keeping my mouth shut anymore.” She’d clearly been thinking about this for a while, the words flying off her tongue. “I’m worried about you, and I’m not the only one. Nina hadn’t heard from you in months. Jio said it’s been over a year. Amy told me you never hang out with her anymore even though you’re both in Brooklyn.”
Charlotte jerked backward. They’d all talked about it, about her. When? This weekend?
Did they appoint Jackie as their official representative? Was Reece in on this too?
Her nails made painful crescents against her palm. “I’ve been busy.”
“Too busy to call your best friend? You can’t just assume we’ll always pick up right where we left off.” Jackie sat up on her knees. The accusation hit Charlotte in the chest. She knew Jackie was annoyed with her for being distracted, but nothing prepared her for the full force of her friend’s hurt. “I swear, sometimes it’s like you’re choosing to be alone,” Jackie added. “You have no idea what’s going on in my life, but you immediately pick up the phone when Roger calls.”
“Hey! I asked about your dad yesterday and you didn’t want to talk about it,” Charlotte shot back even as the attack shook her hard. Shame made her fingers twitch and curl into a fist.
“Because I didn’t want to spend my Friday night thinking about my family.” Jackie groaned and kneaded at her temples. “Damn it, I don’t want to fight with you. I miss you! I haven’t seen you since Thanksgiving and you spent that whole holiday answering emails. I thought this weekend would be different, but if anything, it’s worse.”
Charlotte’s throat tightened, her anger thick enough to choke on. Didn’t Jackie see she didn’t have a choice? Or was she blinded by her loving parents and their Westchester County megamansion? “That isn’t fair. You live on the opposite side of the country. I can’t just walk down the hall to see you anymore.”
“Oh come on. Do they not have FaceTime in Brooklyn?” Jackie shook her head, looking dazed. “I can’t believe this. I thought the reunion would help, that coming back here together would help.”
Charlotte’s voice hardened. “I told you from the beginning that I only came here to work.”
Jackie’s eyes went wide. She began to blink rapidly, trying not to cry. Charlotte went cold as she realized the ugliness of what she’d said.
“Only?” Jackie laughed humorlessly. “Wow. Thanks, Charlotte. You really know how to make a girl feel special.”
Her hurt landed with a thud between them on the bed. Charlotte dug at her fingers, barely noticing the blood under her nails. I’m sorry scrambled up her throat as she took in the betrayal on her best friend’s face.
Jackie read Charlotte’s guilt and she softened, changing tack. “I know that quitting Front End would be a huge deal,” she said in her support group voice again, compartmentalizing her feelings to focus on the topic at hand. “But you’re not trapped. You’ll find another job. I’ll help you! You just have to tell me how you feel every once in a while.”
You’re not trapped.
Charlotte’s blood roared in her ears. She gaped at Jackie as flaming orange shock surged across her mind.
How could Jackie be so clueless?
Charlotte wasn’t just trapped. She was on her own, all the time, forever. She had no supportive family a phone call away. She couldn’t ask anyone for a loan when she was short on rent. She couldn’t rely on a late-night pep talk from a loving parent.
She was no emergency contact to list at the doctor’s office alone, written out of the will alone, might as well be dead alone.
And now she was my best friend doesn’t get it alone too.
