“I am sure you all would love a chance to refresh yourselves, or we could have tea first, if you prefer. Your rooms are ready for you should you want to rest before dinner.” Stopping in the hall near the grand staircase, Elizabeth offered them the opportunity to choose their course of action.
Looking at her older sisters, Lydia was the first to speak. “I do not know about everyone else, but I am so thirsty I could drink a muddy puddle.”
“Really, Lydia, you are beyond the bounds of all expectation,” Mary sighed. Though her words might have implied disfavor, her tone easily showed her love and acceptance of her younger sister’s occasional boisterous ways.
Laughing unabashedly, Elizabeth went to Lydia and, hugging her tightly, said, “I have missed you so. No one behaves quite as unexpectedly as you.” Leaning back slightly, Elizabeth looked at her sister with raised brows. “I take it to mean that you would like to have tea?”
Smiling merrily, Lydia replied, “Yes, please.”
By seemingly mutual agreement, they all headed into the sitting room for some tea and refreshments while their trunks were brought up to their rooms. “Surprisingly, we have a guest who arrived yesterday. I did not have any time to let you know, but I hope his arrival will be looked upon with excitement.”
Jane immediately saw the person subtly mentioned by her sister. Standing by the unlit fireplace was the man that she had been contemplating of late. Even from across the room, she could see him stand straighter, perking up at her entrance to the room.
For a moment, Jane was frozen, the lingering pain in her head making it too hard to determine her next actions. Should she go over and greet him as she wished, or should she allow him to make his way over to her? Simply seeing him had forced her to realize how much she had missed him. Despite the pain she was fighting, it was as if seeing him had made everything lighter.
In the end, her hesitation had taken the choice out of her hands because he was approaching her. As he approached Jane, he appeared as though he had almost wanted to reach out to her, but stopped himself, letting his hand drop back down to his side. “Miss Bennet, I am pleased to see you again.” Smiling faintly, he stepped even closer and lowered his voice. “Please tell me how I may be of assistance?”
The instinctual drawing together of her brows sent pain stabbing through her head. Closing her eyes for a moment, she breathed through the pain before opening them as he took her softly by the arm, escorting her over to one of the comfortable chairs in the corner of the room. Sitting down with a sigh, she looked up at him in confusion.
Bingley kneeled next to her chair and said, “I can see that you are in pain. What can I do to help you?”
Jane vaguely registered Georgianna joining the party and chatting with Kitty and Lydia in the opposite corner while Elizabeth was speaking discreetly with a maid, but her focus remained on the man kneeling before her. Her eyes widened. How had he known? She had figured that both her mother and Elizabeth were aware of her issue. Jane knew they were only holding back out of respect, but would most likely say something soon. However, Mr. Bingley's knowledge of the situation puzzled her.
Swallowing, she looked into his concerned eyes and replied, “It is merely a megrim. I will manage.”
Keeping his voice gentle, he continued, “But surely there is something that can be done to alleviate your pain.”
Jane watched a little notch appear between Mr. Bingley’s furrowed brows in fascination, feeling oddly disconnected from the moment. “Sometimes a dark room or a cool compress helps, but I do not wish to be rude. I will retire to my room and ask for some willow bark tea once everyone is finished socializing.” Jane knew her sister would want to socialize with everyone. If she asked to go directly to her room, Elizabeth and her sisters would worry. She could manage a little longer.
Jane watched Mr. Bingley struggle for a moment, almost as if he wanted to contest her statement. Looking around the room, he watched everyone chatting for a moment before turning back to her. “And what would you do if you knew that it was Miss Kitty who was the one suffering from a megrim?”
Shaking her head slightly, Jane realized what he was about before muttering, “Nothing different—I would put her to bed in a dark room with a cool compress and willow bark tea.”
Seeming to fight a grin, he contested her logic. “But I am sure you would not wait to finish socializing before you put her to bed. You would see to it immediately.”
Elizabeth approached the softly talking couple and interjected, “You are completely correct, Mr. Bingley. My sister would never let one of us suffer in order to enjoy herself.” Elizabeth smiled faintly at Mr. Bingley before turning her attention back to Jane. “I have asked a maid to close the curtains in your room. She is getting you willow bark tea and a cool compress. Your lady’s maid will help make you more comfortable. I will have a tray sent up to you later in case you feel you can stomach something. I want you to rest above stairs until at least tomorrow.”
As Jane observed the strength of her younger sister's gaze, she was persuaded to acquiesce. Jane glanced across the room and saw her mother speaking with William while making a shooing motion toward her. It appeared that everyone agreed that it was time for her to go lay down, and frankly, the idea sounded lovely. Knowing that her smile must look closer to a wince, Jane softly thanked her sister.
“Your family will all still be here to spend time with once you are well,” said Mr. Bingley. Offering his arm, he helped her to stand and escorted her to the stairs.
Quietly thanking him for his assistance, Jane began ascending the stairs with Elizabeth’s arm linked through her own. Fighting her pain, Jane tried to sort through what had just happened. It still confused her that Mr. Bingley had not only seen her pain but had tried to encourage her to see to herself, just as her mother or Elizabeth might do.
They had made it mostly to her room in silence before Elizabeth said, “You know your headache will not improve if you continue thinking that hard.”
“I do not know if it is the megrim or something else, but I cannot understand—how did he know I was in pain?” Reaching the room she stayed in when at Pemberley, Elizabeth escorted Jane inside. The darkness of the room almost instantly helped to relieve some of her suffering.
Elizabeth spoke softly, but not without humor. “How indeed?” Kissing Jane’s cheek, she continued, “Let Dawson help you and try to turn off the questions running around in your head. Drink your tea and go to sleep. I will see you in the morning.”
Jane drew the cool morning air into her lungs. She stood at her open window, looking out over the gardens. With the sun not yet fully risen, everything was painted in violet and mauve tones. Fog crept delicately over the grounds, wandering through the maze of the subtly hued scene. The sight was rather soothing. Letting the tranquility soak into her, Jane sighed in relief.
The pain that had been excruciating only yesterday had receded to a mere whisper, something Jane was certain she could cope with easily. It was even possible that she could banish it entirely with a cup of coffee and breakfast with her family.
Stepping back from the window, Jane moved to the comfortable chair near her fireplace. It would be some time before anyone besides possibly Elizabeth and William were up, and Jane was determined to use the peace and quiet for reflection. Taking up her paisley shawl, Jane settled it around her shoulders and curled up in her most comfortable chair.
While she did not have the brilliant mind that Elizabeth possessed, she was not incapable of thinking logically. She simply did not enjoy turning her thoughts towards the kinds of complicated topics her sister took pleasure in. Before she went down to face the morning, Jane was determined to have settled her mind and her anxious worries.
First of all, she did not enjoy her London season. The fact that she had left it well before the halfway point was certainly enough proof of that. While Jane might enjoy a few things the town offered, the marriage mart was not on that list. This did not mean, however, that she did not want to marry. Now that Jane was free from worrying about her father, she wished for a husband and children of her own very much. This acknowledgement swiftly turned her mind in the direction of Mr. Bingley. She would admit that she liked him. It was even possible that she more than liked him. But was that emotion enough to build a relationship on?
Jane twirled a strand of her blonde hair around her finger absentmindedly while she considered the concept. She knew that Mr. Bingley also had feelings for her, but Jane wanted more assurance than mere feelings. She had witnessed where feelings had led her mother and though she did not discount them, she needed more than feelings to base on such an important decision. It was not that she did not trust Mr. Bingley per se; it was the fact that marriage would so thoroughly put her under his control. She had only recently gained some control in her life, and it was frightening to think that she could lose it so completely.
Beyond feelings, what did she desire? What would reassure her? Bringing her knees up to her chest, Jane rested her chin on her knees and closed her eyes, searching her heart. She wanted to know that she was truly seen. One of the reasons she had not enjoyed her recent time in London was she had not felt seen by anyone. Her beauty and her constant smile were all that people saw, but she was more than that. The mask was, at times, a reflex, especially when she was uneasy. It was an instinct that had been ingrained in her during the relentless battle against her father.
So, the first thing she would need to have was evidence that Mr. Bingley saw her whole self and not just her pretty face. If he could see through her mask, then her newborn hopes might just find a way to flourish. Jane also realized she would need to know with confidence that he respected her decisions and wanted what was best for her and the people that she loved.
That thought drew Jane up straight in her seat. Had last night been an inkling of his desire to do what was best for her? Granted, it was all rather hazy. Pain had prevented her from thinking of much else at the time, but she might have more hope than she had originally thought. She could not be sure, not quite yet, but if she was observant and allowed things to progress, she might soon find all that she wanted.
A soft knock at the door alerted Jane to the presence of her lady’s maid. Seeing her in the chair, the woman said, “Oh, Miss Bennet, you are up. How are you feeling?”
Smiling at the sweet woman, Jane sought to reassure her. “Much better, Dawson. My megrims do not come frequently, but when they do, I often feel better with a good night’s sleep and some willow bark tea. Thank you so much for all your help last night. You seemed to know just what to do.”
Moving to the wardrobe, Dawson began laying out an outfit for her to wear. Jema Dawson had been her maid for less than six months, having been a gift of sorts from her brother-in-law, and Jane was delighted with how well they got along. Dawson knew her tastes and was of a cheerful disposition. Though it still felt odd to use her last name, she knew that for lady’s maids, it was apparently a sign of respect.
“I am just glad you are feeling better. My younger sister had megrims every month when she got her monthlies, the poor dear, so I have a lot of experience providing ease for them.” Turning to Jane with two dresses in her arms, she added, “The weather seems to be promising. Would you prefer the pink or the peach?”
