“Which, as we’ve established, did not happen.”
“You be careful with him. He’s slippery.”
“Oh good God. He’s maybe the least slippery person I know. Why do you have this axe to grind with him?”
“Because he’s a divorce lawyer. Have you ever heard of one single nice divorce lawyer?”
“Well, luckily his job is utterly irrelevant to your life.”
“Not if he’s emailing my daughter to drown his sorrows.”
“Okay, Mom. He’s madly in love with me. You figured it out.”
I will not deny that the idea of this makes me giddy.
“Oh, he is for now, maybe. Until he divorces you and ruins your life. Which is his career.”
“Okay, Mom. Thanks for the tip. I guess I won’t marry him after all.”
“He deserves to get left at the altar, now that I think about it,” she says, really on one now.
“Yep. Deserves to be in jail, actually. I have to go.”
“You do not,” she counters.
“I do. Love you, Mom. Bye.”
I hang up and shake my head. But I am the slightest bit pleased that she thinks there’s something going on between the two of us.
My phone buzzes again with a message from Dez.
Dezzie: OMG have you guys heard about Seth Rubenstein????
Alyssa: No!
Alyssa: What happened?
Dezzie: His fiancee left him
Alyssa: During quarantine???
Dezzie: Yes! Rob called him with a referral for his nonprofit this AM and Seth was apparently despondent
I do not enjoy hearing this. Poor Seth. However, I can’t help but feel that his mood would be improved if he called me to whisper sweet nothings.
I do not share this sentiment with my friends.
Molly: I heard. really sad. I feel bad for him
Dezzie: You should text him with your thoughts and prayers
Dezzie: And boobs
Alyssa: Well maybe not right away with the titties
Dezzie: True, you gotta have some chill
Dezzie: But this is your time to shine
Molly: OMG you guys WTF??
Alyssa: You deny you two are in love?
Molly: um yes
Dezzie: Puhleeze every time I mention him you get all tragic
Molly: Do not. Stop slandering me
Dezzie: Okay well in other news rob has been acting weird
Molly: Weird how?
Dezzie: He keeps insisting on going in to his office even though it’s closed, like he can’t stand to be in the house with me
Alyssa: He might just be stir-crazy? Personally, I would kill to be able to go to an office. Murder. With bare hands
Dezzie: I don’t think it’s just that. He’s been snappish
