But we can’t go back. We’re not those kids anymore, and as much as it hurts to admit it, maybe what I felt for him all those years ago was naive.
Maybe I’ve let a schoolgirl crush control my life for too long.
Chapter 5Angel
The tension in the Jeep is a living thing, thrumming between us like a plucked guitar string. I guide Iris carefully into the passenger seat, making sure she’s as comfortable as possible before I circle around to the driver’s side. As I slide behind the wheel, the proximity of her, the scent that is unmistakably Iris, envelops me. It’s a mixture of lavender and something sweet, like vanilla, a fragrance that sparks memories I’ve tried like to hell to forget.
I pull onto the road, glancing her way as I steer towards her parents’ house. “So,” I start, keeping my voice light, “How’s life been treating you out there in the big city?”
She chuckles softly, and the sound stirs something in my chest. “I’m not in as big of a city anymore.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. I moved to Pittsburgh about three years ago, but it’s been... busy. Good busy. But you know how it is.”
Do I? My life has been a cycle of alarms and flames, a repetition of saving strangers and losing pieces of myself along the way. “Yeah,” I say with a half-smile. “I get it.”
We fall into small talk then, about her job, about life in Scarlet Ridge. Nothing too deep or revealing. Yet every now and then our conversation drifts into the past, unearthing moments we spent together that now seem like a lifetime ago.
“You still play?” she asks.
“Sometimes. You still sing?”
“Not nearly as much as I’d like to.”
“I heard that,” I say, remembering pieces to our plans back then. We’d been sure that if we played as many hole in the wall places as we could, then the right people would hear us play together and we’d end up signed.
God, we were dumb back then.
Or at least I was. Maybe she’d had it right all along to ditch it all and go to college.
“Guess we didn’t make it big, did we?” she asks with a chuckle.
“No, we did not… I did manage to jump off some bridges and climb a lot of rocks… Never played any gigs though.”
“Yeah, because you didn’t have the real talent with you… Me,” she says. Her laughter rings out, and for a moment it’s like no time has passed at all. It’s like we’re right back to teasing each other as teenagers. My heart pumps a little faster when she puts her hand on my shoulder for a second before pulling it away.
We’re nearing her parents’ place when an idea strikes me. Maybe it’s foolish or maybe it’s fate nudging me forward. “Hey,” I begin tentatively, “I know this is short notice and all, but Hudson’s getting married later today...”
Her head snaps towards me, surprise etched on her face.
“Is he?” she asks with a tone that says she’s happy to hear it.
“Yeah… I thought you might want to come with me,” I rush on before she can interject. “Not like a date or anything. Just... Mom would love to see you again, and honestly? So would I... I miss you.”
There’s hesitation in her eyes as she mulls over my offer. “Angel,” she starts gently, wincing slightly as I drive over a shallow pothole. “Thanks for thinking of me but... I just want to rest right now.”
The rejection stings more than I care to admit. A silent confirmation that our worlds have drifted too far apart. But there’s an understanding in me too. She’s hurt and overwhelmed right now from the wreck.
“Alright,” I say with a nod. “Maybe coffee when you’re feeling up for it?”
“Sure,” she replies with a smile that barely turns up the corners of her lips.
I park outside her childhood home and help her out of the Jeep. The exchange is brief. She assures me she’ll be fine from here, and I get back in.
As I watch her disappear inside the house, I should be angry at her for leaving me behind so easily, but truth be told, back then I was just an immature kid who didn’t know how to handle his feelings. Maybe if I’d sucked it up, got over my bullshit, and kept in touch, we’d be together now.
Or at least not strangers.
As I pull away from the curb, resolve settles over me like armor.
This time around, I won’t let Iris slip through my fingers without laying my heart bare for her to see.
I’ll give her time to heal from this accident, but once she does…
Hell or high water won’t stop me from telling Iris Kelly exactly how I feel about her.
Chapter 6Iris
The soft glow of my childhood room’s nightlight casts familiar shadows on the walls, and I find myself sinking into the nostalgia of it all. My mind wanders to those nights when Angel would climb through my window, his eyes bright with mischief. We’d huddle under the blankets as we whispered and chuckled over the latest horror flick we’d dared to watch.
The thought of him kissing me had plagued my dreams and nearly all of my waking thoughts. What I wouldn’t have given for him to press his lips to mine just once, but he never did, and I was far too timid at that time to make the first move.
On those nights that he snuck in, I remember how we’d freeze every time the house creaked, certain my parents would discover us and forbid me from ever seeing him again. Yet they never did, and those nights stretched into many memories, memories that now seem like they were made in another life. When Angel’s family moved out to their land, I remember the ache of missing him even though he wasn’t gone, just not a stone’s throw away anymore.
My body aches incessantly, a constant reminder of yesterday’s crash. The pain dulls slightly as the medication starts to take effect, my muscles finally beginning to unclench. The quietness of the house amplifies my loneliness. The silence is too loud, too empty. Thankfully, my parents will be home tonight sometime, but in the meantime, I hope sleep comes quickly.
I reach for my phone on impulse, scrolling through Angel’s Instagram as I’ve done countless times before. Each picture feels like a small betrayal, showcasing all the adventures he’s embarked on, adventures I should’ve shared with him. I know it’s not fair of me to be jealous that he went on to do the things we’d talked about doing together. It’s irrational and immature, but still, it’s there deep in my soul.
