Ashen averted his eyes, staring outside instead as if he couldn’t bear to look at her anymore.
“Why did you come here? Does your father know?”
“Yes...”
“Ha,” he scoffed bitterly, “I should have known. Why the hell did he send you now, Cessilia? What does he want? To keep me in check, after what he did to me? Is he afraid I’m going to attack your Empire again? Is that what it is? He sent you here to taunt me?”
“N-no!” shouted Cessilia, panicked to hear him speculate so fast. “N-no, Ashen, I swear, th-that’s not what it is.”
“Don’t lie, Cessilia, not to me. Why would you have come with his dragon, then? Why Krai? ...Where is Cece?”
She stepped back as if he had hit her. His accusing look wasn’t enough to scare her, but it was painful. Yet, not as painful as that name. She slowly shook her head.
“She d-didn’t c-come...” she painfully muttered, short of breath.
She couldn’t even utter that name. She hadn’t heard it in a long time, and she hadn’t pronounced it at all for even longer... Each time, she didn’t want to remember it, to go through that pain again. Her heart was beating so fast, wreaking havoc in her chest and making her feel a bit dizzy. Cessilia helplessly shook her head. She mentally cursed her stuttering that kept her from explaining to him, from telling him the truth, that she had only come here for him, and with her dad’s blessing. Not to wage war at all, but instead, see if there was still a bond between them... that bond that had been broken a long time ago.
“Ashen, I p-promise, I d-didn’t–”
“Stop doing that!” he yelled.
“W-what?”
“That thing, with your voice. Are you trying to make me feel pity for you? What the hell is wrong with your voice, it wasn’t like that before... No, I don’t want to know, I don’t want to hear it.”
“Ashen!” she shouted, frustrated.
It was getting a bit harder to breathe, and she felt like crying. This wasn’t going the way she had hoped at all... He was wary of her, and she knew it would happen, but she could barely talk. She couldn’t stop stuttering enough to explain herself, and the more nervous and frustrated she got, the worse it would be.
He sighed, visibly calming down, and a little light of hope appeared in her heart. If he could just listen to her a bit... But Ashen slowly shook his head, brushing his white hair back with a tired expression.
“Enough, Cessilia. You should... You should go home. I don’t think I can handle you being here anymore. Please, just... go.”
He turned around, to avoid looking at her, directing his steps toward the door.
Everything was happening so fast in her head. She had to do something to stop him. She didn’t want to go home; not now, not today, not so soon. She still had so much to explain to him, and she didn’t want to go back to before. She couldn’t stand the idea of losing him again. Not this time. She had promised herself so many times, dreamed a thousand times of when they’d see each other again. Sometimes it felt like a fleeting dream that would never happen, and sometimes, it felt like she just had to cross that border between their countries. She had thought him to be dead, so many times too. Back then, all she could think of was that she’d be satisfied if he was alive and well. Now that he was here, and alive, she knew she had lied to herself; this much just wasn’t enough.
She stepped forward, fighting that knot in her throat with all of her strength, to get out those words. Something, anything to hold him back. It wasn’t coming. It was stuck in her tight throat and in her twitching lips, her mouth numb. She wanted to cry and shout in frustration, but even that felt cruelly hard. He reached the doors, his back about to disappear. Then, something broke in her, snapped in two by all the distress she was going through.
“D-don’t you love me anymore?” she asked, almost a cry.
Ashen froze with one hand on the handle. The door wasn’t opened yet, he was just about to push it. A voice called from outside the bedroom, something unintelligible Cessilia couldn’t understand, but that made him close the door again.
Her heart was going fast, way too fast. She could almost feel the blood rushing to her extremities, making her numb in some parts. She was holding on to that vision of Ashen’s back, and the fact that he wasn’t gone yet. Instead, he was stuck in that heavy silence between them. Cessilia stepped forward, almost worried she would miss his answer. She couldn’t see his face, blocked by his white hair in between. He then turned his head, but now, she couldn’t see his eyes, just the edge of his lips and nose. He opened his mouth, slowly.
“I...”
Whatever he wanted to say next, it didn’t come out, his sentence remained suspended between them, that troubled tone in his voice serving only as a clue. That was all Cessilia wanted. Some hope.
She moved forward, not thinking about anything anymore. In just a few seconds, she closed the distance between them, feeling the bravery of a dragon inside her. She reached Ashen, and without any warning, she put her lips on his. This was a gesture she wouldn’t have dared to dream of just seconds ago, but now, something was changing inside her. Her voice was broken, but not her body. Her hand on his cheek, the other on his arm, she just kissed him, putting all of her feelings into that shy, fragile kiss.
Ashen’s lips opened slightly. She couldn’t tell if it was to breathe or to taste more of her. Cessilia slowly pulled back, watching his expression, that feeling lingering on her lips.
The look in Ashen’s eyes was all she wanted to know. That breach in his armor, that almost frightened look meant she had reached something deep inside. He was letting down his cold and ruthless demeanor to show the young man she had known once before, the one she had missed so much it hurt.
“...Never do that again.”
He fled the room as fast as he could, leaving Cessilia there.
When reality hit her again, she exhaled all at once, staggering and stumbling back, her body going numb again. It was such that she dropped down to her knees, trying to catch her breath, massaging her chest, hoping her heart would calm down too. Cessilia had to lean against the door for a few minutes, just trying to recuperate. Despite her physical distress, something in her heart was a bit brighter, and she felt a little bit more confident, a faint smile even appearing on her lips.
Then, she heard a faint growl coming from the other side. She brushed her curls back and turned her head, seeing Krai’s big head shyly appearing behind the rail. Cessilia smiled and slowly stood up, helping herself by using the wall on the side, and walked over. Its head was trying to go higher than the balcony, so it could get in, but there was no way the dragon’s body would ever fit in the suite. When Cessilia reached the balcony, she glanced outside and noticed it was indeed trying to climb up the cliff, its lower body in the water. Krai probably struggled to fly to that place and had to dig its claws into the cliff to have a stable position to peek. She smiled, and sat on the rail, leaning forward to caress the big dark snout.
“Were you worried...?” she muttered. “I’m f-fine...”
The dragon’s warm scales under her hand were very comforting. Cessilia gave in, leaning even further, until her upper body rested on the dragon’s head, her hand between its eyes. Feeling her father’s dragon was both heart-warming and a bit saddening. When she heard Krai growl softly again, Cessilia felt her lower lip twitch a bit.
“I miss her t-too...”
Cessilia’s tears fell down silently. She didn’t want to think about Cece, but now, it was inevitable. She closed her eyes, crying silently and feeling the dragon’s warmth under her, imagining it was her own...
“Lady Cessilia...?”
The shy knocks on the door woke her up from her half-drowsy state. Cessilia slowly rose up, gently pushed by Krai too, and saw Nana fidgeting at the entrance of the suite. The young woman looked worried and was holding a large drink in her hands.
“Oh, Sir Dragon is here too! Hi, again!”
Krai tilted its large head, visibly curious about the little Dorosef woman. Nana walked over to Cessilia.
