“What of th-that woman, th-then?”
Those words hit him like a knife in his chest. There was no need to even name her, he knew instantly who Cessilia was talking about. He had even almost forgotten about her, until now.
“That’s... She has nothing to do with you.”
“D-didn’t you c-choose her b-because she looks like m-me?”
Ashen glared back at her, but Cessilia was already angrier than that, her green, accusative eyes on him. Her stutter was worsened by rage, but it was nothing compared to how she was feeling inside. In fact, the mere thought of Jisel was enough to make her blood boil. She hated that woman like a dragon hates whoever covets what’s theirs. She had always seen how her father’s dragon was possessive of her mother, and now, Cessilia felt just the same. Her feelings for Ashen had remained unwavering, even after all this time, yet now, their second meeting was tainted, soiled by that woman’s presence.
And she resented him for that.
“D-did you really tr-try t-to re-... rep-place me?” she stuttered with great difficulty.
“Well, you weren’t there, were you?” he coldly answered. “...You had made your decision, and I had to move on, Cessilia. I don’t blame you for siding with your father, you were indeed young. Perhaps it was all for the better, but... it doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to face you now. Nothing was easy for me here. Nothing. Jisel is just... She’s different from you, it just happened. I never expected to see you again. We weren’t supposed to see each other again, right? So... Can you just... stop doing that? Don’t try to cry and play the victim, I can’t stand any more of this.”
She didn’t look like a victim, though. When he dared to glance up, the Princess was staring at him with the anger of a woman who was betrayed, but not weak, nor fearful. Her green eyes were as piercing and dangerous as a dragon’s eyes when they were staring at what had once been the subject of her affection. Her first real love.
“...Is th-that all you th-think of me?” she muttered bitterly.
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
“Th-that you c-could replace me!”
Just as she finished her sentence, Ashen violently threw away everything that was on the table. Everything went flying: papers, quills, and bottles of ink crashed on the floor and the wall in a loud ruckus. The wooden table had a very visible crack in its center too.
“Replace you? You’re the one who fucking left me, it’s your family who kicked me out! They could have saved me, but they sent me back to the war I had barely survived! And now, you come here and think it’s all going to be easy? This isn’t your Princess life anymore, this isn’t your Dragon Empire!”
“Ashen,” she muttered, tears in her eyes. “You d-don’t kn-kn-know...”
Her stutter was getting worse. Her whole throat felt too tight, so much so that she could barely breathe. Cessilia recognized the familiar and yet fearsome sensation. That tingling in her head, the cold and numbness in her fingers. She tried to fight it, to give a voice to her feelings, but she was trapped. Trapped in her own body, and Ashen couldn’t see. His glare was on the damaged table, his fists still clenched hard against his body, he refused to look up.
“Enough,” he said. “Get out. I won’t free Yassim; if you don’t like it, you’re free to leave.”
“You c-c–”
“Stop doing that damn thing with your voice!” he suddenly roared, unable to bear it anymore. “I don’t want to hear that, speak normally!”
His sudden burst of anger cooled Cessilia like ice. Her breathing was still heavy, and painful, but she stopped fighting it. When he calmed down a bit, Ashen realized his mistake. The anger in her eyes, and her cold stare. For a second, he saw a mix of her mother’s calm and her father’s murderous glare in those green eyes, and he was brutally sent back, seven years in the past. A wave of emotions and memories hit him violently, as if everything that he had locked away was just broken open by Cessilia.
“I... No, I...”
However, he knew it was too late. The calm in Cessilia’s eyes was even more frightening than the anger just seconds before. A cold expression was painted on her face, and he suddenly realized she was going to do exactly what he wanted.
She wouldn’t talk anymore.
It was as if Ashen’s sudden burst of anger toward her stutter had flipped a switch in Cessilia. From her complete panic, she had gone into her own self-defense mode, putting up an emotional shield, a barrier between him and her. The heart that she had dared to expose for a second was once again put back into that chest and locked away. She was closing up on him, and he could see it happen right then and there. It was almost scary to watch that emotionless gaze of hers on him.
Ashen tried with a faint movement to extend his hand, but there was still that table between them.
“Cessilia, I...”
She remained completely mute. Those lips wouldn’t even open, although he could see her painful breathing, the way her chest heaved erratically. Her face was a bit paler than usual too, and her long curls were somewhat disheveled. Despite her fierce silence, she looked vulnerable right now, so vulnerable he wanted to do something, but like a wounded animal, she wouldn’t let him in. Perhaps she would bite, even. Her green eyes had gone stone cold. He just didn’t know how to undo what he had done. Minutes ago, he would have given everything to have her leave, but now, he wanted to repair this. This Cessilia wasn’t the girl he had known, and he didn’t know who she was. She was too different from the sweet girl with green eyes he had once fallen for... Why and how was she able to act like this?
“I didn’t...”
He tried to step forward, realizing one second too late the table was still blocking his way. When he thought about making his way around it, he saw Cessilia take one step back, and another. She was still staring at him, with that emotionless gaze that made him regret everything. Slowly, the Princess retreated toward the door, backing away as if she refused to show her back to him. Her cold eyes wouldn’t let him go. He considered moving around the table to grab her, take her hand, and hold her back, but he wasn’t so foolish. Before he could even decide, Cessilia loudly opened the door wide, and, giving him one last furious glance, she disappeared on the other side.
A heavy, icy, and dark silence fell after she had left. Ashen stumbled back onto his seat, completely numbed by what had just happened. He put his face in his hands, and let out a long grunt of frustration. He really hadn’t foreseen her coming back at all...
On the other side, Cessilia had closed the door behind her just as violently as she had opened it, despite its heavy weight. Once she was out, she leaned her back against the door, her furious gaze going down to the floor.
“...Cessi? Are you alright?”
She lifted her eyes to see Tessa and Nana, both looking worried for her.
Her first reflex was to smile faintly, but it fell short. As if she had been able to hold it back all this time, her shortness of breath suddenly came back, making her whiff and pant unevenly. It was as if all of the symptoms that she had been trying to ignore so far were coming back at once to hit her. Cessilia felt dizzy, and white dots appeared in her field of vision before she fell down on her knees, unable to stand.
“Cessi! What happened? Breathe, girl, breathe...”
Cessilia kept nodding and held on tightly to her cousin’s shoulder. She knew she could control this if she just calmed down, but calming down was hard when she couldn’t get enough air and oxygen. She put her hand on her chest, trying to force herself to calm down, and ignore the numbness in her limbs.
“She’s suffocating,” said Nana. “Perhaps we should get that choker off...”
She reached out her hand, but before she did, Tessa slapped her hand. Nana cried out in pain and surprise, retracting her hand right away, shocked.
“Don’t touch that thing.”
There was something so imperious and serious in Tessandra’s voice, the young woman didn’t even dare complain, and nodded helplessly.
