“You said you needed to be in control at all times. Not just in the bedroom.”
He nodded slowly. “There especially. But when we go out together, it is necessary that you understand I’m in control, and when I ask something of you, you do it.”
Her eyelashes fluttered, hopefully concealing the way she was feeling. Conflicted. Scared. Excited. She moistened her lips. Took several breaths. He was conveying something extremely important that would affect her. He was explaining how their relationship would play out. She needed to hear him and understand what he was saying so there would be no misunderstanding later. She realized Andrii wanted her to know exactly what she would be getting herself into with him.
“You need to tell me what that means.” She sounded as conflicted and as scared as she was feeling. She didn’t bother to try to hide it from him. “I’m not certain I understand what ‘at all times’ means.”
He reached out and slid his fingers through her hair. “It means exactly that. When we’re together, and hopefully, eventually, we’ll live together, because I want to be with you as much as possible. I had hoped to get you used to me before we had this talk, but I screwed up. I hadn’t planned to take you to bed so quickly. I don’t want just a sexual relationship with you. I want this chance with you. I think you want it too. That means we hash things out now.”
She did want to explore the relationship; she just didn’t know what he meant. What was expected. What she expected. She knew those fingers stroking caresses in her hair were meant to seduce her into doing as he wanted, but she was willing to feel every cell in her body coming alive. She was willing to be seduced in order to get the chance at a relationship that might be real when she’d only dared to dream of a man like Andrii.
“It means when I tell you to do something, I expect you to do it and not question me. I have my reasons, and you’ll have to trust that no matter what I’m asking, I’ll see to your protection and happiness. I need that level of trust from you.”
She swallowed her nerves and looked up at him. It was a mistake to meet the vivid intensity of his eyes. His hand cupped her face and then slid around to the nape of her neck, sending a million goose bumps erupting all over her skin. Her stomach did one of those slow somersaults she associated with him, and she went damp, her sex clenching with need.
“That all sounds good, Andrii, until we circle back to your punishment. I’m not down with that at all.”
Andrii’s fingers tightened on her nape as if he could brand his fingerprints into her skin.
“If you disobey me, there will be consequences. Punishments. I need to know you’re safe. I need to know you’re willing to put me first, just as I plan to do with you.”
Her breath left her lungs in a long rush, and she shook her head, an involuntary reaction. His fingers tightened.
“You need to know and believe that I would never hurt you. I’m not a man who would beat a woman.” His fingers began a slow massage on the nape of her neck. “That doesn’t mean a punishment wouldn’t include pain.”
She gasped and once more made the mistake of looking up at him. His eyes had darkened with desire. With lust. She could read the need in him for her to commit. To be part of him. There wasn’t just desire and lust, there were hints of growing affection, maybe even more, although she couldn’t understand how he’d developed genuine feelings for her so quickly. Just looking into his eyes made her want to give him everything he asked for without complaint or argument, but she wasn’t that illogical or adventurous.
“Pain?” She echoed the word. Once again, her voice came out strangled.
Azelie did her best to ignore the way his touch soothed her. The way his eyes conveyed his need and desire. She was so scared, and yet at the same time, she desperately wanted to be with him, even when it made no sense to her.
“I told you I would have no problem putting you over my knee. Just know that the punishment wouldn’t go too far, and afterward, I would see to your care. I’m not a sadist. I don’t want to see lasting marks on your body, but I do want to know you would accept your punishment with grace if you fucked up.”
She was involuntarily shaking her head again, but sadly, it wasn’t because of the things he was explaining to her, it was because her body reacted in a way she didn’t understand. She wanted to explore possibilities with him and that made no sense. The idea of him putting her over his knee because she’d chosen not to do what he asked, or she’d gone against him, scared the hell out of her. She wasn’t down with that at all. She went her own way when she determined it was the right thing to do. She was bound to “fuck up.”
“Baby, don’t say no until you know how you really feel when I ask things of you. Giving up control doesn’t mean giving up who you are. It simply means you trust that I’ll take care of you and make the best decisions for us. You doing that for me, giving me whatever I need or want, means to me that you care about my happiness and you’re willing to put me first. You doing that makes me want to give you everything you could ever possibly want or need. It also takes the burden of decisions from you. You don’t like making them.”
How could he know that about her? He was right. She was terrible at making decisions. She was the most indecisive person she knew. “But I’m working to overcome that flaw. I’m working hard at it.”
Again, she looked up at him so he would see that improving herself meant something to her. She needed to feel empowered when for so long after her sister and the children had been murdered, when she’d been shot by a man who had helped to raise her, she felt worthless, alone and unsure of everyone and everything.
“I can help with that. You want to make decisions regarding our home, your school, your clothing—except when we’re going out—I have no problem with that.” He continued to cup her face with gentle fingers, holding her gaze captive with his. “Say yes.”
“I want you to explain why you need these things from me, Andrii. It has to make some kind of sense when commitment for me is so scary.”
“You commit to me, and I’ll tell you as much as I can about myself. Anything you ask, I’ll answer when I can, but I must have your word that you’re in this with me all the way. Say yes. Be mine. I swear you won’t regret it.”
Her breath left her lungs in a rush. She couldn’t look away from his compelling eyes. She forced herself to breathe. To think. No matter that he admitted to being trained as an assassin, she believed that he hunted criminals—ones falling through the cracks of the justice system. He found young children and women trafficked and freed them. Was what he did wrong? Probably. Vigilante justice wasn’t a good thing, yet every instinct she had told her he was a good man. He hadn’t exactly answered her when she asked him point-blank if he had approached her because she worked for Billows, but she had to admit that his question was a good one. What did it matter how he found her if what they had was the real thing?
She wanted to take the chance with him, when she’d never wanted to be with any man. The thought hadn’t entered her head that she would ever trust someone enough to take that chance. But when she was with him, she found herself falling more and more under his spell.
She wanted to know about his past, what made him the way he was. She recognized that both of them had suffered trauma and at their core didn’t trust anyone. Yet she found herself wanting to trust him. She wanted him to be able to trust her. Would it be so bad to at least try?
She started to nod, but he shook his head.
“Say it to me. Out loud. Speak it to me and the universe. Mean it, Azelie. Make that commitment to us.”
“Yes.” The word came out strangled. There were so many reasons to say no and very few to say yes.
“That’s my brave woman.”
The moment he gave her praise, she found herself responding even more to him. Was she so screwed up that having a man compliment her was all it took for her to want to give herself to him? She was agreeing to a relationship when she had no idea what that actually entailed. Azelie was caught in his spell despite her brain telling her to be cautious. To go very slow.
Andrii bent his head toward hers and her breath caught in her lungs. His kisses were killer. She wanted to get lost in his kisses, so she wouldn’t have to think too much about what she’d just done. To her disappointment, he brushed his lips on the tip of her nose and released her. As he leaned back, his hand slid down her arm, causing a flurry of hot little sparks of electricity to dance over her skin. His fingers settled around her wrist, a bracelet, a handcuff, a tie between them.
THIRTEEN
“It’s important that I disclose as much about myself to you as possible,” Maestro said. “I know you’re wondering why I’m so fucked up.”
Azelie’s eyes widened. “I don’t think you’re…well…messed up.”
Maestro had to smile. How could he not? Most girls had no problem using foul language. It was second nature to him. It was to the other club members. Only Preacher was careful with his language because he had always looked after Lana, his younger sister, but even Preacher swore sometimes. Maestro thought it was hilarious that his woman couldn’t say fuck.
He brought her palm to his thigh again and slid his thumb over the back of her hand, maintaining contact. “I don’t talk to anyone about my past. I don’t think it serves much purpose, but you’re committing to us, willing to build a relationship with me. That means you hear about my past. I’m warning you, like yours, it isn’t pretty.”
He’d mentioned his mother’s betrayal and briefly spoken of the school he’d been taken to, but there was no way she could understand him if he didn’t give her the entire story. It wouldn’t be fair to her if he didn’t give her something of himself. She deserved to know whatever he could share with her.
His thumb slid over the back of her hand a second time. “I’m saying again, baby, the things done to me in my past aren’t for the faint of heart. If you’d prefer me to stay silent on the subject, I’m down with that, but understanding me will take some serious work.”
“I want to know whatever you’re willing to share with me, Andrii.”
Bog. Those eyes of hers. He could stare into them every day and never get enough. Drown in them. He saw that look on her face and wanted to keep it there forever. No one had ever looked at him like that in his life. He saw the beginnings of love in her eyes. It was there, stark and real—for him. He didn’t deserve that emotion from her, but he was determined to work every day to make himself into a better man for her.
“I told you my mother sold me so she could get her drugs.” He found himself doing what was natural, what he’d trained himself to do from a very early age—distancing himself from the story he was telling her. He did so when he lived through it and whenever his mind insisted on returning to those memories. Mostly, he had closed that door and refused to open it. For her, he would.
Azelie deserved to know exactly what she would be dealing with. He understood her trauma even more than she realized. His club had researched her very carefully. Code was thorough. She didn’t have that same advantage when it came to him. She would have to rely on whatever he chose to tell her. Maestro wanted her to know him intimately. To be able to accept him as he was, flaws and all. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t keep trying to overcome his failings, but he wanted—even needed—acceptance from her.
“What I didn’t tell you is that I was barely able to walk when she started using me to get what she wanted. She had a sister, my aunt Anna, who was a year older. I thought Anna really cared about me. She fought with my mother all the time and eventually gave my mother money to allow Anna to keep me. That’s when my life really turned into a nightmare.”
Azelie gasped, her eyes widening with shock. “Both your mother and aunt?” She whispered it as if the treachery of their betrayal was too much to believe.
Maestro had watched Zelie for weeks before he made his move on her. She had been drawn to children. Laughing with them, playing, watching over them. Children who weren’t even hers. It hadn’t mattered to her. As a mother, she would be a fierce little thing, protecting her children—and him—with everything in her.
At first, he hadn’t believed. He’d looked for ulterior motives. No woman could ever be that filled with sunshine, enough that she shared her light with everyone she came across. She seemed to look after the older people in the coffeehouse. She was the same with the owners. She nurtured others. Soothed them. Brought them serenity.
He knew she didn’t see herself like that, a woman others gravitated toward. Since she’d lost her family, she held part of herself aloof. Because she was a naturally giving person, it made her feel guilty that she didn’t give all of herself to others. Reporters and police had made her leery of sharing her story with anyone. He didn’t think she realized just how much of herself she did give. The peace she brought people. The joy. The sunshine.
