“You think that’s why I didn’t offer to go to the Rip? Because I feel like you control me? Because I feel like I don’t have a voice?”

Kiran balls his fists. “It’s how my father treated my mother. It’s how he trained me to treat women. I…” He stares down at his hands. “I have this power I still can’t always seem to control. Blaise might have had a point.”

The sight of Kiran watching his palms like that breaks my heart, so I take my husband’s hand. “I like Blaise. I pity Blaise. But Blaise has survived her entire life by learning to manipulate others. Forgive me if I don’t appreciate her trying to control me by making me believe that I’m being controlled.”

Kiran shrugs, chuckling, though it’s somewhat pained. “She’s frighteningly good at that.”

I grin. “Not that good. It’s not that I don’t feel I have a voice—the right to my own thoughts. But I think this is the sort of thing that should be decided in private. And I don’t appreciate Blaise trying to force my hand in a public conversation, before we’ve even had the chance to talk about it. Before we’ve heard each other out.”

Kiran shakes his head, leaning against the desk, his weight causing it to scrape against the wood flooring. “Where did you come from?” he asks, nothing but pure adoration in his eyes.

“A windowless hovel, if you must know.”

“You trust me? That I’m not trying to control you?”

“You have the ability to alter my feelings. If you wanted to control me, you could. I’ve doubted you before, thought you were controlling me. We figured it out, but my doubts hurt our relationship, and I don’t intend on being manipulated again. I know you worry when your feelings slip out of you occasionally, but that’s exactly why I think it’s important that we don’t feel pressured to decide anything during an intense discussion with our friends.”

He swallows. “You want to go, don’t you? To the Rip? I could see your self-sacrificing, lack of self-preservation wheels turning.”

I let out a partially offended huff, but smile nonetheless. “I could make sure it stays closed. Or, if we’re too late, I could close it back.”

“If we send the others to get Piper before then, that wouldn’t be necessary.”

“It still is. Abra will have the power to open the Rip by the next full moon, regardless.”

Kiran shakes his head. “It doesn’t make sense. Abra has had the parasite for months. A full moon has passed since then. More than one, even. If she wanted the Rip open, why not do it then? Why bother taking Piper at all?”

Something squirms in my gut. The fear I’ve had since Lydia returned.

“What if she didn’t realize the Rip could be used to bring Farin back until recently? What if someone else put that idea in her head?”

Kiran frowns, rubbing his chin. “Someone like….” He pales. “Az. Of course.” He turns to me again. “If you’re trying to convince me it’s a good idea for you to get anywhere near that Rip, you’re doing a poor job of it.”

“By now, I’d have expected you to have more faith in my argumentation skills.”

“I do. Frankly, that’s why I’m a tad shocked.”

“He wants the Rip open, Kiran. We can’t let that happen. I don’t know what he’s planning. I don’t know what he thinks he’ll get out of it, but at this point he’s had years to plan whatever it is, and I’m so…”

My throat constricts, my gut swirling with nausea.

Kiran pushes himself off of the desk and approaches me from behind, wrapping me in his arms as he spins me to face him. In a moment, his warmth overcomes me, thawing my skin and soothing my heart. He allows the fear to remain, however. He doesn’t take that from me.

“You’re still having the nightmares, aren’t you?”

I nod, melting into his embrace.

“I know you fear what will happen if Az uses Piper to open the Rip. But do you know what I fear? That if we travel to the Rip, we’re playing right into Az’s hand. That he doesn’t want Piper to open it at all. He wants you. He’s always wanted you, Asha. Just on his own terms, in his own sick way. I can’t help but imagine he’ll find a symmetry to it, if he can force your hand.”

I shake my head. “You know I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t open the Rip for him. He’d have to kill me first.”

Kiran goes still behind me. “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.”

We can’t let him open it. We can’t let it happen, my magic whispers deep inside me. In my gut, I know he’s right.

“I have a responsibility, Kiran. I have the power to keep this world safe. I can’t stand by and allow Az to unleash those beasts upon this world.”

“I know you can’t,” he whispers, his warm breath rustling my hair as we sway. In the distance, out the window, the crescent moon shines down on us, holding out for our decision.

“Lydia would protect me, you know,” I offer.

“Lydia already let Piper slip through her fingertips.”

“And you think Lydia is likely to be fooled twice?”

Kiran shudders at the thought. “She’ll rip out Abra’s throat just for spite if she gets close to her.”

“Exactly,” I say. “She won’t allow anything to happen to me.”

Kiran’s power rumbles, but he keeps his feelings contained, rather than letting them leak into me. “Why are you talking like I wouldn’t be the one to protect you?”

I sigh, slowly pivoting in Kiran’s embrace to face him. “I already told you that I think Fin and I have found a lead. One that might lead to your father.”

Kiran frowns. “Then let Fin search for him.”

“Kiran, it’s your father.”

“I already had one of those. He was disappointing enough. No need to add to the experience.”

“I can see that you miss Fin.”

“What’s there to miss? Fin and I have never been close.”

“Kiran. You killed Ophelia because you were so upset over her ruining your chances of mending your relationship with your brother. Don’t pretend you don’t care. Not to me, but especially not to yourself.”

Kiran sighs. “You’re right, but it can wait. The more pressing matter is making sure we capture Az and Abra. After that’s done, I’ll go with Fin to find our father.”

I frown. “The lead is time sensitive. From what we can tell, the male has moved around. A lot. You might not get another chance like this. Besides, he’s the only other person outside our circle who knows who you truly are. Who knows you’re not the heir to the throne.”

Kiran tenses, acknowledging the risk that puts him in, should that information spread.

“In my dreams, Az doesn’t hurt me through the Rip, Kiran. He does it from the throne.”

“They’re just dreams,” he says, shaking his head.

“I’m not sure they are,” I whisper. “Even if they are, think of what he would do to you if he took the throne. Think of what he would do to me.”

Heat surges from Kiran in a blast, though it only ruffles my hair, his powerful arms protecting me from it.