Ellie cups my cheeks in her palm, her brown eyes glinting in the light of the small tea candle beside the bed. “I’ve been frightened, Blaise. Ever since the guard came barreling into the hall and said you were gone, that someone had taken you. I’ve been terrified that I’d never see you again, that something awful was happening to you. We’ve been searching, day and night, but the trail went cold. It’s like you just vanished. We’ve had people looking everywhere for you. Tonight when a guard reported he’d seen someone sneaking into your father’s manor, we couldn’t even bring ourselves to hope.” She lets out a labored exhale as she fights back a sob and traces the dark circles underneath my eyes with her thumbs. “The only thing I’m afraid of is losing you again. Of losing my friend.”
My heart cracks wide open at the love I don’t deserve. “I’m so afraid I’ll hurt you again.”
A pained smile crosses her full lips. “You will,” she says, “and I’ll hurt you again too. I think maybe that’s part of it. Just something we’ll have to learn to get over.”
So I let Ellie hold me as I cry, as I mourn my baby and my humanity and Nox and all I’ve lost.
She tucks me into her chest and when I feel her heart pumping against my ear and my teeth jabbing through my gums at the smell, I silently tell them to go away and leave my friend alone.
And they do.
CHAPTER 51
BLAISE
I wake to whisperings, low and soft. Some rapid and concerned. Others weary and labored.
“She might not be in the best condition to answer your questions when she wakes,” says Andy.
“You’re coddling the girl as if she’s a child, but she’s killed a woman and clearly is not,” says a male with a low growl who I suppose is the King of Naenden. It’s strange to hear the condemnation in his voice when just last night, his touch seeped peace and comfort into my very bones.
I can’t decide if this makes me fear him less or more.
“Oh, and you’re one to point fingers regarding murder,” seethes Evander, and with my senses heightened, I feel Ellie’s hand grasp onto his arm.
I feel Queen Asha’s do the same with her husband, and though she’s yet to speak, it immediately cools the room.
When the king answers, his voice is calm. Even. “I don’t mean to condemn the girl. I only mean she is no longer the child you seem convinced that she is. Regardless of her motivations, regardless of whether that loathsome woman deserved it, your friend has taken the life of another. It will only do her more harm if you refuse to acknowledge how that has inherently altered her soul.”
Something pricks at my chest, or maybe it’s the tears stinging at my eyes.
I’ve only ever heard horror stories about the King of Naenden. It wasn’t much longer than a year ago that he, in a fit of rage, determined to take a bride from the humans of his kingdom, only to sacrifice her the night of the wedding, a process he meant to repeat every mooncycle.
Except Queen Asha had ruined his plans, soiled his intentions, wrecked his world.
I wonder if he surprised her with the same softness he’s shown me, or if it was the other way around. If she was the one to bring it out in him.
There’s something about that idea that makes me ache for Nox, but I shove his memory from my mind.
It’s no use thinking of him when I swore never to return.
When he hasn’t followed me.
I betrayed him when I kept the information of my inevitable death to myself, and he will never forgive me.
I’m learning to live with my mistakes, but they aren’t the best of companions.
I peek my eyes open and glimpse Evander running his fingers through his tan hair. It’s still dark in the room. Someone must have taken my mutterings seriously last night, because I’m in Evander’s chambers, where he prefers his curtains to be two fistfuls thick from his hangover days, and the curtains are drawn to block out the sunlight. The room is lit by a dozen flickering candles, and I can’t shake the feeling that an exorcism is about to occur.
I can’t push away the vision of bone-white runes painted on the floor, candles lighting those too.
“Still,” says the Naenden queen, “Blaise is no longer a child, but that doesn’t mean she’ll be ready to explain what happened to her when she wakes. We have no idea when her mind will recover.”
Ellie gives a reticent huff. She looks lovely, because it’s impossible for Ellie not to look lovely, but she hasn’t dressed for the day yet. She’s wearing a pale gold robe she must have grabbed from the closet to cover herself when she awoke. It occurs to me that, while this is Evander’s old room, it is likely that he and Ellie moved into a larger suite after they married. That she’s in a robe because she has no clothes in this particular closet, meaning she hasn’t left my side in hours. Something bulges in my throat.
“She spoke to me plainly last night,” Ellie says. “She was upset. Quite distressed, really. But she seemed in her right mind. I’m concerned with… Just be gentle when you question her.”
I can tell Ellie’s words are directed toward the king, but the room doesn’t heat again, so he must not take offense. “I’m sure you, your husband, and my wife will all make sure of that,” he says, though there’s no avarice in his tone. “In fact, it seems now is the perfect time to begin, if Blaise is willing.”
I tense, but it’s too late to still myself. Everyone’s head turns to me, and there’s no hiding the fact I’ve been eavesdropping.
Evander practically jumps from his seat. He looks ill, and I’m reminded of the time I dragged him back from a seedy tavern after he drunkenly stumbled into a gang of ruffians.
His sea-green eyes are laced with sorrow as he looks at me. “Blaise, I’m so sorry,” he says, nearing the edge of the bed. I flinch at his touch when he takes my hand, and pain flashes across his face as he misinterprets my reaction and pulls away.
He assumes I’m afraid of him after he locked me up in the dungeons for his wife’s safety. He doesn’t realize his touch hurts so, so badly because it reminds me of Nox. I force a carefree smile to my lips, and because I can’t stand the distress on his face, say, “Your hands are freezing, Andy.”
The strain in his jaw relaxes, and he lets out a reticent laugh, one that brings a genuine smile to my face. Then he rolls his eyes, and for a moment, I feel that my heart might explode. “My apologies,” he chuckles, that full, beautiful grin overtaking his features.
I smile back, and it’s in that moment I realize exactly how Andy’s felt for me my whole life, because I feel it, too.
I wonder how much happier I could have been all those years if I’d only accepted the love he was willing to give, and returned it in measure.
Evander sits at the foot of my bed, crushing my toes with his butt when he does it, and the familiar annoyance that boils my blood almost has me sobbing again.
Ellie lets out an exasperated laugh as well, even as she rubs at the redness in her eyes, and for a moment, it’s just the three of us, and the king and queen of Naenden are realms away.
It’s the Queen of Naenden whose voice punctures the moment. “Blaise, if you’re ready, we’d like to discuss the magic that inhabits your body.”
