I nodded. “Yeah, Archie’s wiped out too. Well, you not only have class; it’s all the meetings and after school paperwork that adds up.”

“True, but I love it,” Robin said. “I love helping children learn and grow. It’s so rewarding to me.”

“I imagine so,” I remarked.

“I can’t wait until I have my own kids,” she said, smiling. “I’ve always wanted to be a mother.”

“Really?”

One topic that gave me hesitancy was motherhood. I didn’t know if I wanted to have children. Archie and I had pushed the subject to the side. We didn’t want kids now, we knew that and maybe our feelings would change, but until then, we were fine with it being just us. The thought of being responsible for another human being scared me. I didn’t know if I possessed the abilities to handle it, or if I wanted the task.

“What about you and Archie?” Robin asked. “When do you want to have kids? Oh, he’ll be such a good dad.”

I looked at her. Funny how she left me out of that statement.

She picked up on her slip.

“You’ll be a great mother, of course!”

Of course I will. I stabbed my romaine lettuce and shoved it into my mouth.

TWENTY-EIGHT2016

The Commune

Dream

Raindrop’s property wasn’t far from hiking trails and outstanding vistas in the Santa Monica Mountains, which boasted some spectacular lookouts and dramatic deep canyons, we frequently visited. Today we planned a sunrise chant at a stunning spot with panoramic views of the canyons. All our family perched on large, red rocks, our hands raised as we swayed and chanted, welcoming the burgeoning oranges and yellows of the glorious sunrise given to us by Mother Earth. Sunny and I sat toward the back. She didn’t like heights.

Brother Jim sat on the center rock dressed in a white gown with gold embroidery around the wide V-neck. We were all dressed in similar garb, men and women, a sea of white flowing gowns with golden highlights. Moonbeam and Lilac made each garment with love for their fellow brothers and sisters. The gowns were knee-length to allow for hiking up the sometimes difficult trails. We all wore sturdy hiking sandals.

“Brothers and sisters, we gather at this beacon of nature’s beauty to celebrate our life, our freedom, and bringing our manifestations to reality!” Brother Jim stood up, lifting his arms; swaths of white fabric hung like wings on him as he lifted his arms. The imagery of him against a dramatic morning sky was impressive, even to me. I knew how far Jim Bob was from being an angel.

“Our work here at Listening Lark has only just begun. Brothers and sisters, we must cling to one another, open ourselves up to new experiences in order to maintain our current utopia and higher understanding.” Brother Jim paused for effect. “We are all one in this family. One beating heart that is Listening Lark!”

He signaled to River, who began playing his guitar, and Branch, who played the bongo drum. The family raised their arms high and fell into a familiar chant. Brother Jim swayed on the rock, arms raised, white gown swaying, obviously enjoying the hum of his flock.

My arms were raised too. I liked the unity of Listening Lark. I embraced it even if I knew Jim Bob was a con man. I chose to ignore that fact, and his secrets, just as he ignored my secrets. Maybe that made me no better than Jim Bob.

Afterward, we broke up into smaller groups. Some brought picnic baskets with food and had a bite to eat; some members explored the numerous hiking trails. Sunny and I joined Jim Bob and Raindrop on a nearby trail.

“What a great morning for a hike,” Brother Jim exclaimed.

“A bit early for me,” Raindrop grumbled.

Brother Jim glared at her.

Things between them had gotten tense over the last few weeks, and in any other relationship Jim Bob would be done with her, but he needed Raindrop’s wealth; it made his life, and all of our lives, better, so he’d give more effort, hopefully. I certainly didn’t want to move out of the guesthouse.

“I really enjoyed your talk this morning,” Sunny chimed in. “So inspiring.”

Brother Jim smiled. “Thank you, Sunny. There’s something special about chanting in the mountains that bonds us as a family.”

Sunny nodded, and we walked along the trail at a leisurely pace, chatting with each other as we moved along. Sunny and I stopped to admire some deep purple flowers while Jim Bob and Raindrop moved ahead. They were a distance ahead of us when we resumed walking, but still visible. And I realized that they were arguing.

Sunny and I stared in shock as we watched Jim Bob suddenly slap Raindrop across the face and grab her arm.

“What’s he doing?” Sunny asked, moving forward. “We have to help her.”

I pulled her back. “No, don’t interfere.”

“He’s hitting her. We have to do something.” Sunny struggled to get away from my grasp, breaking free and giving me a disgusted look. “I’m going to help her.”

“No!” I hissed. I pushed her back against a tree, hard. Too hard.

She brushed against a sharp tree branch on the right side and it sliced her cheek. Blood appeared, running down her face.

“Dream!” she yelled, touching the wound. She pushed me away.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, feeling terrible. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

Raindrop ran past us. Jim Bob was nowhere to be seen. Sunny went around me and ran after Raindrop.

I was alone in the woods.

I hoped Sunny wouldn’t be mad at me tomorrow. Now she slept peacefully in our bed, antibiotic ointment and a bandage protecting her cut. She was angry at me when she fell asleep and I couldn’t blame her.

I didn’t want to interfere with Jim Bob’s personal relationships; I knew that would only enrage him. I couldn’t risk angering him. My secrets were worse than his and he knew it.

He had helped me bury them.

I shouldn’t have gotten rough with Sunny today. I had just wanted her to stop. Stop! She didn’t know how precarious my relationship was with Jim Bob. He and I promised to never turn on one another. Any secrets we knew about each other would go to the grave.

I looked at Sunny in blissful slumber and remembered another woman from years ago. She too had long blonde hair, although a bit darker in color than Sunny’s.

I remembered her lifeless body lying in bed.

TWENTY-NINE2023

Aimee

Later, on Saturday evening, the dining room was warm and cozy from the lit fireplace, a simple brick structure with a long walnut mantle above, displaying some of Aunt Lou’s favorite pottery pieces in bright blues and yellows. A creamy butter yellow tablecloth covered the oval walnut table, and a blue vase filled with fresh flowers from my garden, probably the last of the season, sat in the center of the table. Aunt Lou’s dark blue bone china, joined by her Depression water glasses, displayed at three place settings.

Archie had originally planned to grill and eat outside on the patio, but the day turned out cool and rainy, so we decided to make roast chicken, parmesan potatoes, and green beans and eat in the dining room. Chocolate cake with peanut butter icing for dessert. It was nice setting up the dining room, even if it was to host John Larabe.

I stared at Aunt Lou’s pottery on the mantle. She had been a talented artist in her younger years, although her money didn’t come from her time as an artist, but rather her third husband, who she always said was her favorite person in the world. Like my Archie.

She was a kind woman, and I was thankful for the care she gave me when I needed it. At the end, when I found her crumpled at the bottom of her stairs in the upscale Society Hill home that she shared with me, it was her time to go. She was frail, suffering from memory issues, and becoming increasingly dependent on me. I’d hired a daily nurse to come in to help her a few days a week, but she was unreliable, and Aunt Lou would soon have needed more care. Though it had hurt to lose my final blood relative, her fall down the stairs had been a blessing in some ways. Funny how endings were often the gateways to new beginnings.