It’s just another spin on the eggs and moon talk Judy got in the 1950s from her dad.

What’s still missing from a lot of contemporary sex ed is an exploration of the way sex intersects with relationships, experts say. Even today, very few parents and educators are prepared to discuss the way dynamics of care and safety and vulnerability all contribute to true intimacy, which is crucial for a satisfying love life. That’s what Judy innately understood how to do. She taught us about our bodies and our hearts through her stories. Periods are something that happens to a whole friend group. First teenage love affects the entire family. Boys experience heartbreak, too! Truly safe intercourse requires talking and planning. You can’t go back to holding hands.

Sex educator Shannon Dressler brings this perspective to the classroom in her own work with middle- and high school–aged kids. Consent, desire, pleasure, respect—these are all parts of a successful partnership, and children need to be taught what that looks like. “It’s really helping [students] learn how to have healthy relationships, where you’re feeling good about the relationships and connections you have with others,” she said of ideal sex ed curriculums. The Netflix show Sex Education, featuring fictional British teens discovering their passions, peccadillos, and hang-ups, does this well. It’s all about bringing context to the body and the bedroom. That’s what Blume did for her readers back in the day. “We didn’t have the internet; we didn’t have any places where we could find the answers. Her books were certainly a beginning point,” Dressler said.

Now kids have the opposite problem—they’re glutted with information.

“These kids have access to so much,” Dressler continued. By pretending that there’s only one right way to have sex, within the realm of heterosexual marriage, abstinence-only programs just leave kids and teens with more questions. Then, when they “try to find the answers on their own,” they get lost “in spaces and places that actually aren’t giving them the right information,” Dressler explained, alluding to the maelstrom of free porn swirling on the web. OnlyFans and Pornhub are quite a bit less wholesome than Deenie and Forever—not that they’re doing remotely the same thing. Kids today have quicker access to graphic sexual images and videos than any previous generation, and just like in the wake of the sexual revolution, adults have a responsibility to confront this challenge head-on. The right kind of education, Dressler said, actually helps inoculate children from the virus of a hyper-sexed culture: “These are all protective factors that we need to put in place in young people as early as possible as they move through the complexities of life.”

Proper sex education needs to start early, and it’s not necessarily about explaining the mechanics of reproduction, Silverberg agreed. “I get why parents don’t want to talk about where babies come from, because they don’t want to talk about intercourse with their four- and five-year-olds. Why are we talking about intercourse with four- and five-year-olds? If a four- or five-year-old wants to know how a sperm and egg meet, that’s fine, it’s not harmful to them, but it’s also not in any way relevant to them.” What is relevant to them—or will be so much sooner than conception—is what it feels like to have a body that’s constantly in flux, in a world where allusions to sex are all around, all the time, in songs, on billboards, in television commercials, and on YouTube. “Kids are [watching] movies and have feelings about things. Kids overhear other older siblings listening to music. Kids know about advertising. They hear other kids say stuff about gender,” Silverberg said.

They need to learn how to process all these stimuli through their own eyes and not through the eyes of a pedantic adult, Silverberg went on. “We’re figuring out ways to help young people learn, in their own way, in their own path, in a way that honors all the things that they already know,” Silverberg said of their colorful comic-style books with artist Fiona Smyth. “When you’re seven, you’ve lived a lifetime in your seven-year-old body and nobody knows what that’s like other than you.”

Judy Blume understood that. She got it, instinctively, and was able to authentically channel a pre-teen’s perspective better than anyone else could. That was the thrust and the sparkle of her talent.

Her genius, if you will.

The literary gatekeepers finally started to recognize Blume’s unique contribution. Ironically, the relentless attacks on her books in the 1980s served to put her in a category with the world’s finest writers. In 1989, after Ayatollah Khomeini issued his fatwa against Salman Rushdie, authors gathered at the Atlanta-Fulton central library to read aloud from The Satanic Verses, as well as other frequently banned books, including Henry Miller’s Tropic of Cancer and Blume’s novels.

Before that, in November 1987, the then-forty-nine-year-old Judy was dubbed a Library Lion by the New York Public Library, among a class of fellow honorees that included Raymond Carver, Mary McCarthy, and Harold Pinter. On a Wednesday night, Blume flitted among the city’s literati—and its stylish upper crust—for a decadent dinner of beef Stroganoff in the ornate Stephen A. Schwarzman Building’s Special Collections room, heralded by trumpets. The author of popular children’s books, who had been dismissed for so long as a purveyor of addictive, junky pseudo-literature, accepted a gold medallion strung from a red ribbon around her neck. Fashion designer Bill Blass chaired the event; Jacqueline Onassis, Brooke Astor, and Oscar de la Renta were among the posh crowd, cheering her on.

Judy had something else to celebrate that night: she was a newlywed. Before they tied the knot, she and George had lived together for the better part of a decade. They’d sold the house in Santa Fe and moved back to New York City, buying a country home in western Connecticut.

She had been wary of marriage given her past experiences, but by then she was sure about George. On June 6, 1987, just a week after his fiftieth birthday, the longtime couple gathered their family and friends for an informal wedding on their Upper West Side terrace. A female judge, a friend, performed the nuptials. The rings came from a street fair on Broadway. Larry bought his mother a mixed bouquet of white flowers to hold.

Essie Sussman lived to see her daughter get married again but died that August of pneumonia, at the age of eighty-three. In Presenting Judy Blume, Judy said that she was grateful her mom was there to witness her exchanging vows with George. “She always said, ‘I should only live to see this wedding,’ ” Blume said. “And she did.”

By the time she turned fifty herself in February of 1988, the most difficult years of Judy’s life were behind her. It also marked the end of a roiling, tumultuous, wildly productive stretch when Blume wrote the books she’d be best known for. “I used to think that when my kids grew up, then I could really focus on my writing,” she said at an event in 2015. “Instead, it’s kind of been the opposite. You know, I got happy. And writing comes of angst,” she explained, before quickly assuring the audience: “I can still conjure it up, don’t worry.”

Judy got happy. She called up her angst when she had to, for work, but she unleashed her joy into many other things—marriage, friendship, a midlife passion for tap dancing. In the early 1990s, Randy gave birth to a baby boy and Judy became a besotted grandmother. She took up water sports at Martha’s Vineyard, and later, she and George fell in love with Key West, Florida, where they’d eventually live full-time and invest in a bustling bookstore.

Committed feminist that she was, she never stopped talking publicly about puberty, or menstruation, or sex. As the now-octogenarian Blume likes to point out, the pleasurable things we can do with our bodies are an integral part of our human existence. And shouldn’t we all be making the most of our short time on earth, delighting in these amazing and awkward physical forms? Judy has written as she has lived: wholeheartedly. Chasing, embracing, pinning down experience—and gathering it up again, so very full.

Acknowledgments

Thank you to David Halpern, who is the best agent I could ask for and an even better friend. Thank you to my editor, Julia Cheiffetz, who I’ve been lucky to work with twice and who is one of my all-time favorite collaborators. Thank you to Nick Ciani, Abby Mohr, Hannah Frankel, and Joanna Pinsker at One Signal for believing in this book and helping me bring it out into the world. Thank you to Laywan Kwan for the gorgeous cover design. Thank you to my longtime pal and production editor Liz Byer for taking such good care of the manuscript.

Thank you to the people who generously shared their time and their thoughts, making this a sharper, more nuanced project than anything I could have done on my own: Dean Butler, Michael Dishnow, Shannon Dressler, Michelle Fine, Jennifer Fleissner, Karen Fleshman, Lauren Harrison, Suzanne Kahn, Arlene LaVerde, Rachel Lotus, Julia Loving, Peter Silsbee, Cory Silverberg, Roger Sutton, Carol Waxman, and Jonathan Zimmerman.

Thank you to Mary Ellen Budney, John Monahan, and the entire staff at Yale’s Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library for helping me navigate the Judy Blume papers. Thank you to the many other librarians and archivists who pitched in along the way, especially Aimee Fernandez-Puente at the Elizabeth Public Library, Maribeth Fisher at the Scotch Plains Public Library, Greg Guderian at the Newark Public Library, Demetrius Watson at School Library Journal, and John Wright at the Fulton County Library.

Thank you to Chris St. John and Rebecca Santiago for taking the time to read an early draft and offering invaluable feedback that made blurry ideas click into focus.

The story of this book is not complete without acknowledging the health challenges that shaped the entire editorial process. I would not have been able to put together a decent sentence, let alone a book proposal, during a global pandemic were it not for my village, the other parents in my childcare pod: Frank Boudreaux, Suzanne Dikker, Megan Gaffney, Matt Kebbekus, Lauren Portada, Sarah Rockower, and Hans Maarten Wikkerink. Thank you to them, and also to our beloved babysitters Rizzo Klotz and Zoe Tanner, who treat our kids like family.

Thank you to all the friends and family who supported me when my own medical crisis hit while I was still writing the book’s first draft. In particular, thank you to Neal Dusedau for a perfectly timed cross-country visit, to Gwen Schantz for being my art-viewing buddy, and to Jess Lattif for the fun and diverting phone conversations. To my parents—Annette Bergstein, Jay Bergstein, Pauline Bergstein, and Jeff Wilson—my sisters—Allison Bergstein and Deanna Smetanka—and my in-laws—Herb Rosenberg and Jean Rosenberg—thank you for loving me in sickness and in health, no matter what I do for a living.

Thank you to Judy Blume, for writing books that truly changed the world.

Thank you to The West coffee shop, for providing such a lively creative hub for the neighborhood and for being an extension of my office.

Thank you to Henry, my furry companion of fifteen years who never fails to warm laps, hearts, and manuscript pages (my son would be very indignant if I left out the cat).

Most of all, thank you to my most cherished guys, Andrew and Curtis, who fill our home with joy, laughter, great conversation, and silly dance moves. You show me every day what life is really about.

About the Author

Rachelle Bergstein is a lifestyle writer, author, and editor, focused on style, pop culture, and families. Her work has appeared in the New York Post, the New York Times, NPR, and more. She is the author of three books: Women from the Ankle Down, Brilliance and Fire, and The Genius of Judy. She lives with her husband and son in Brooklyn. Find out more at RachelleBergstein.com.

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Notes

For biographical information about Judy Blume, I am most indebted to three books: Judy Blume’s Story by Betsy Lee (New York: Dillon Press, 1981), Presenting Judy Blume by Maryann N. Weidt (New York: Dell Publishing, 1990), and Letters to Judy: What Kids Wish They Could Tell You by Judy Blume (New York: Pocket Books, 1986). I also visited the Judy Blume Papers at Yale University (General Collection, Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library) twice, first in April 2022 and again in May 2022. In deference to the conditions governing use of this collection, I have not quoted directly from any of the materials that I saw during that time. I spent the afternoon of June 28, 2022, at the Elizabeth Public Library’s main branch in Elizabeth, New Jersey (Blume’s hometown), where I viewed clippings related to her life and career. I’ve consulted hundreds of articles and interviews with Judy Blume, published between 1969 and the present day. Specific citations are below.

Epigraph

“But here she had / no children”: Sharon Olds, “Visiting My Mother’s College,” The Wellspring (New York: Knopf, 1999), p. 3.

“The word police can fuck off”: Vanessa Grigoriadis, “Madonna Talks ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ (‘Not Very Sexy’), the Pope and Why the ‘Word Police Can F— Off,’ ” Billboard.com, February 13, 2015. Accessed online: https://www.billboard.com/music/music-news/madonna-interview-rebel-heart-50-shades-of-grey-pope-word-police-6472671/.

Preface

Stephanie is into hunks: Judy Blume, Just as Long as We’re Together (New York: Orchard Books, 1987). I worked from the 2013 reprint from Delacorte Press, p. 1.

“The Judy Blume Renaissance is upon us”: Nicole Sperling, “How Judy Blume Finally Got a ‘Yes’ from Hollywood,” New York Times, March 7, 2023. Accessed online: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/07/business/media/judy-blume-hollywood.html.

“We Need Judy Blume Now More Than Ever”: Cindy White, “We Need Judy Blume Now More Than Ever,” A.V. Club, April 28, 2023. Accessed online: https://www.avclub.com/we-need-judy-blume-now-more-than-ever-1850384851.

according to the American Library Association: From the ALA’s “Top 13 Most Challenged Books of 2022.” Accessed online: https://www.ala.org/advocacy/bbooks/frequentlychallengedbooks/top10.

“The fact is that to women born after 1920”: Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique (New York: Norton, 1963). I worked from the 1983 reprint by Dell Publishing, p. 100.

“When the ballot was won”: Kate Millett, Sexual Politics (New York: Doubleday & Company, 1970), pp. 83–84.