She, Tony, and Rose were sitting in the living room, waiting for the doorbell to ring. The tension in the room was palpable. Tony was trying to relax them, but it wasn’t working. Thankfully, her mother seemed to be fully aware of what was going on. River noticed she was twisting her hands in her lap. River got up and sat down next to her on the couch. She took one of Rose’s hands in hers.
“I’m so proud of you, Mama,” she said. “I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.”
Rose’s eyes filled with tears. “For you too, honey. But you need to know that I made mistakes too. It wasn’t all your father’s fault. I didn’t deserve what he did, and neither did you. But God’s love and forgiveness makes this necessary.” She squeezed River’s hand. “Promise me that if I . . . if I get confused, you’ll get me out of the room. Please? I know it sounds vain, but I just can’t look foolish in front of your father. I couldn’t bear it.”
“Oh, Mama,” River said, her voice breaking. “You’re not foolish. What’s happened to you isn’t your fault. Please, please don’t ever think about yourself that way. I love you, Mama.”
“Oh, River.” Rose reached up and patted River’s cheek, the same one she’d slapped the night before. “I love you too. I’m so sorry for not being the kind of mother I should have been. I want you to know how much I regret it.”
“I let you down too. I should have been more understanding about what you were going through. I guess there’s enough blame to go around. To be honest, I even resented Dan for leaving when he was eighteen. I guess we all need a fresh start, don’t we?”
“Yes, we do.” Rose leaned over and whispered in River’s ear. “Please don’t let Tony get away, okay? I don’t want you to live with regret. It’s not the way to live your life.”
River looked into her mother’s eyes and smiled. Then she nodded.
When the doorbell rang, she felt Rose jump. She looked over at Tony. What she saw in his eyes calmed her. Her mother was right. River had just assured her mother that she wouldn’t ever let Tony leave her life. It was a vow she intended to keep.
CHAPTER
FORTY-ONE
Mrs. Weyland had made a wonderful dinner. A prime rib roast, garlic mashed potatoes, glazed carrots, a fruit cup, and a green salad. River was impressed. But the real star of the show was Rose’s famous peach cobbler. She hadn’t made it in a long time. It used to be her father’s favorite dessert. Mrs. Weyland had overseen her efforts, but she hadn’t made any mistakes. As it was being kept warm in the oven, the aroma wafted through the house. The dining room table had been laid out with Rose’s white lace tablecloth and a winter centerpiece with a large glass bowl containing a white candle surrounded by frosted pinecones. Everything was perfect.
River was surprised by her father. He was still handsome. In fact, he looked the same except his brown hair had turned to silver. She’d expected something different after all these years, but except for his hair, he was the same man who’d walked out on them so many years ago. Although it probably wasn’t very Christian of her, she’d kind of hoped her father had aged badly.
So far, their conversation was stilted and formal. At one point, Dan blithered on and on about almost hitting a deer on the way into town. He’d pointed out that even though there were more deer in Colorado, where he lived, he’d never come close to running into one until tonight. His attempt to start a dialogue finally seemed to run out of steam, and he fell silent. Rose hadn’t said much at all. River wondered if she was afraid to speak. Afraid she’d say the wrong thing.
Her father asked River what she was doing now, and she’d spent a few minutes telling him about her former job with the FBI and why they’d decided to open a private investigation firm.
“At the BAU, we spent most of our time writing profiles for law enforcement,” she said. “But now, we can use those skills and do the investigations ourselves. I really enjoy it.”
“She’s really good at it,” Tony said.
“I thought most PIs looked for people who’d skipped out on their debts or cheated on their spouses,” her father said.
“That’s true, but with our training, we’re concentrating on criminal cold cases.”
Her father frowned. “How do you get clients? Do you advertise?”
“No,” River said. “Tony is friends with St. Louis’s chief of police. They were together at the academy. His department has a lot of cold cases, and he wants to send some our way. The police have so much to deal with, they don’t have the manpower to spend time working on all of the cases that weren’t solved. True, we just started, but I think Arnie, the chief, is beginning to put a lot of trust in us. We may have started slowly, but we’re confident things will pick up.”
Her father put his fork down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it sound like you’re not successful. I’m sure you will be . . . I mean, you are . . .”
“Please, relax,” River said. “We all know this is rather . . . stressful.”
Joel sighed loudly. “Stressful. Yeah.”
“Dad, it’s okay,” Dan said.
River shot her brother a look. She loved him and was glad to see him, but she still wished he hadn’t forced them into getting together with their father. It would have been better if they’d worked as a team to set something up. Of course, she could have been the first to open the door to reconciliation, and she hadn’t. Still, it felt as if Dan had forcefully kicked it open without her permission.
“No, it’s not okay.” Her father stared down at his plate. “Look, I need to say something. I planned to wait until after dinner, but everyone’s obviously uncomfortable.”
“I wonder why,” River said, trying to keep the anger out of her voice. She looked at Tony and saw caution in his expression. He was right. She needed to keep herself calm. Her mother was fine. She was the one who was struggling. It seemed her feelings were at war with her resolve. She was so thankful that Tony was here. She really did need him. “I’m sorry, D . . . Dad,” she said. It was hard to get the word out. He didn’t feel like her father. Maybe biologically, but not emotionally.
“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he replied. “I understand. I don’t deserve anything from you, and I’m not asking for anything. I just wanted to tell your mother . . . and you . . . that I’m sorry. So very, very sorry.” He took a deep breath. River could see how hard this was for him. “I had everything, but I didn’t realize it. Didn’t appreciate it. CeCe made me feel younger. Free. A lot of it had to do with the way I saw God. I saw Him as harsh and judgmental. Someone I could never please. I felt so . . . trapped. Leaving with CeCe was my way of running away from God. Running away from the person I didn’t think I could be. After she left me, I needed God more than I ever had before. To my surprise, I found out that He wasn’t who I thought He was. That he still loved me, even after all the awful things I’d done.”
“That’s when he called me, sis,” Dan said. “At first, I didn’t want anything to do with him. But he kept calling. When I finally decided to hear him out, I realized that he’d changed. Really changed. I had to forgive him, River. It was the right thing to do. You know that, right?”
“I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me too,” Joel said with tears in his eyes. “Even though I don’t deserve it.” He turned his gaze toward River’s mother. “But the person I need forgiveness from the most is you, Rose.” Until that moment, it was as if he was afraid to look at her. Rose, who had stayed quiet except for a few noncommittal grunts, cleared her throat. River began to silently beg God to keep her mother’s mind clear.
“Joel, I realize I wasn’t a perfect wife. I’m sorry for making things hard for you. It doesn’t excuse what you did, but I forgive you. It happened a long time ago. There’s no sense in carrying a grudge forever.” Rose stood to her feet. “I need to go to my room. I’m sorry to miss out on the rest of our dinner.” She smiled at Dan. “I hope we’ll have some time together before you leave. I’ve missed you so much.” Then she turned her eyes to River. “When you look back on your life, you think about the people who loved you. Who really loved you. River, when I needed you, you were there for me. You’ve been so good to me, and I love you very much. We know that as time goes by, I’ll probably forget more and more things—and people. But please know this now, my darling girl. No mother . . .” Her voice caught and she cleared her throat again. “No mother ever had a better daughter. I’m so proud of you.”
As Rose left the room, Mrs. Weyland started to get up to go after her.
“Please,” River said. “Stay. I’ll go.”
“Okay, honey,” the elderly woman said with a smile. “While you check on your mama, I’ll get dessert.”
“Thank you.” River stood up and looked at her father, her heart pounding in her chest. “You’re forgiven, Dad, but after you have a piece of the fabulous cobbler our mother made, I really think you should go. Mom doesn’t want you to see her struggling. She still has some pride. Please respect her enough to give her that, okay?”
Joel nodded. “I understand. The truth is, I’d like to stay and help your mother through this, but if that isn’t what she wants, I’ll leave town. I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already have.”
“Thank you for coming, Dad,” River said. “It took guts. I respect that.”
“That means a lot to me, honey,” Joel said. “This was harder than you’ll ever know, but I knew I had to do it. Your forgiveness means the world to me. I can’t fix the past, but maybe we can build something new. I hope you’ll give me the chance to do that.”
River smiled at him and then walked down the hallway to her mother’s room. Rose was sitting on the bed. River went over and sat next to her, taking her hand.
