I say, I’m in Taipei.
He says, Why are you in Taipei?
I say, I don’t really know.
He says, Poppy saw Mia yesterday.
I say, Oh yeah? I was just thinking about calling her. Mia, not Poppy.
He says, So… Poppy told me about this Tanner guy.
He says, She doesn’t think much of him. One of those city boys with more cheddar than soul, know what I mean? Reckons you and Mia are way better together.
And I say, What now?
T
HIRTY
Hi, Sean. How are you?
I’m not gonna lie, I could be better.
Ed told me you’re in Taipei.
Uh-huh.
That you actually did break your leg getting hit by a milk van.
Yep.
Sorry I didn’t believe you.
That’s okay. I get why.
I always wanted to go with you to Taiwan, remember? But you never wanted to.
Yeah, well maybe you can go with Tanner.
…
Ed told you?
Ed told me.
So you’re just going to dive in, no small talk?
Yep.
I fucked up, okay? I’ll admit it. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have found out about Tanner that way.
You think?
I should have told you that night on my birthday. I was a coward. But you have to understand, you changed – ever since you lost your job. You just retreated into yourself. I tried, but I couldn’t do anything to help you. And you wouldn’t admit that you were depressed, so no one else could help you either.
…
Do you know what it was like? It was like being with a ghost. And I didn’t want to be with a ghost. Ghosts are cold.
…
I’m not making excuses, what I did was wrong. But there were reasons for doing what I did. Can you at least see that?
…
[What I want to say, is, Sure, I can see that, and I’m sorry for being such a rubbish boyfriend for the last year or so.
What I want to say, is, I was in a really bad place. All I ever do, every waking second of my life, is try to be the best at everything. Because it’s the only way I feel good about myself. I got fired, felt like a failure, and was probably depressed. No, for sure depressed. I should have listened to you. Will you forgive me?
What I want to say, is, I love you. I just want to fix it. I don’t care about Tanner. I just want to fix us.
Instead, what comes out is:]
What kind of a stupid name is Tanner, anyway? I bet his dick is bigger than mine, isn’t it? I bet the sex is better too, isn’t it? Why did you go out with me in the first place? You could have done so much better.
Goodbye, Sean. I hope your leg gets better soon.
T
