"Talashnama" by Ismail Darbesh

‘I’m telling you again, you people are unable to properly exercise the responsibility that Almighty Allah wanted to entrust you with by making you scholars.’

Farid wanted to stop this serious discussion. After all, Tahirul had come after a long time. Was it nice to discuss all this as soon as he arrived! Farid interrupted them, saying, ‘Hujur, you are invited for dinner at my house tonight. How long are you here for?’

‘I’ll return tomorrow itself.’

Farid was sitting on a stool at the shop’s cash counter. Tahirul and Maruf were sitting beside him on plastic chairs. Maruf did not usually come to the shop. A woman suddenly arrived at the shop with a medical prescription. Tahirul recognized her at once. Wasn’t she Nazir Bhai’s wife Reshma! Reshma too was astonished to see Hujur. As soon as their eyes met, she greeted him softly. Once she left after buying the medicines, Tahirul was lost in his thoughts for a while. It was only Reshma who could provide the correct information about Riziya. But he could not just go and talk to a married woman. He needed to be in Sadnahati for a couple of days. All of a sudden, Tahirul changed his mind. He laughingly said to Farid, ‘Why? How long do you want to keep me here?’

Maruf too replied in jest, ‘No one can be made to stay, Hujur! The one who wants to leave will leave all right. I’m inviting you to my house too, so you can assess my new wife’s culinary skills!’

‘Did you get married? You didn’t inform me! All right, I accept your invitation. I’ll partake of everything!’

Tahirul visited the mosque for the Isha prayer at night. The same mosque, which was full of the bits of memories of every moment he had spent there. He met several people. In fact, Abdul Chacha became emotional and wept. Rahmat Bhai would not let him go. He had to stay the night in his house. Suddenly, Nazir came forward. He went near Tahirul, shook his hand and said, ‘I got the news in the evening that you’re here. You need to come to my house, Hujur. My daughter’s not well at all. Your Bhabi…’

‘What’s happened to your daughter? I saw Bhabi in the medicine shop.’

‘She’s the one who sent me. She says the girl needs both medicines as well as blessings. Since Hujur is here, ask him to come. You need to come to blow blessings, Hujur. We have been in misery ever since you left!’

Tahirul had been thinking all evening of a pretext to talk to Reshma. Allah seemed to have provided him the opportunity. Tahirul replied, ‘Do you think I can stay away after hearing about your daughter’s ill health, Nazir Bhai? Of course I’ll come.’

iii

the culmination

sixty-nine

There was no end to the curiosity of the womenfolk in the hamlet of the Jogi brahmins in Sadnahati. Not sure how they would address the widow Riziya, they were making do with ‘Yes, dear’ and ‘Hey, dear’. For some unknown reason, they were unable to consider her as one of them. They were also astounded. The Hindu women who arrived at the village as new brides had heard many times over that Abhijit had an elder brother, whose name was Suman. He had run away with a Muslim girl, married her, and no one knew where he was. That woman who belonged to a Muslim household was sitting as a widow in a house in Jogipara. They couldn’t help being astonished when they saw her. It wasn’t just a year or two that she had been married for, but ten long years. She had a daughter with her. Everyone felt a bit of pity for Suman’s little girl who was constantly clinging to her mother. An adolescent girl held her chin and asked her, ‘What’s your name, dear girl?’

‘Sompreeti.’

‘Wow! You have a lovely name! You are going to live here from now on, this is your house. Do you know that?’

Abhijit’s wife did not like what she heard. She tried to reduce the crowd.

Preeti wasn’t able to answer the question. She couldn’t really understand the situation. This was the homestead of the one she knew as her Baba, she understood that. But that Baba didn’t really love her very much. Although she didn’t realize that when she was small. But didn’t she guess that when she was a bit older? Perhaps that was why she wasn’t able to answer the question about living here. Preeti looked at her Ma’s face. Riziya, who was clutching Preeti, began sobbing again. She turned nostalgic and began remembering.

It was Abinash Babu who had chosen the name ‘Sompreeti’, meaning harmony. Riziya and Suman liked that very much. They abbreviated the name and started calling her ‘Preeti’. Suman felt a fatherly affection for Preeti, but only for a while. So she grew up with her Ma’s love. But Suman never misbehaved with Preeti overtly. His disdain for the girl was very subtle. Preeti wasn’t old enough to understand that.

Preeti was nine years old now. She studied in Class Four. It was with her that Riziya had built a world for herself. She had been compelled to do that. Suman had somehow become distant from her inner world. When a ship attained some stability after weathering a terrible storm, the passengers began to dream again about survival. The biggest obstacle in the way of Riziya’s dreams was the mad wind called mistrust. Suman’s torments were growing by the day. Mental torture descended upon her.

At first Riziya thought that it was financial difficulties that made Suman like this. Later she discovered something unbearable. Their marital life turned toxic because of a suspicion. The suspicion steadily turned into a conviction. It was another woman’s presence that lay at the heart of the suspicion. That was Aaduri. When Preeti was three or four years old, Riziya had begun to realize that Suman had a secret relationship with Abinash Babu’s wife Aaduri. Of course, Aaduri had helped her in various ways during this time. So Aaduri was always in and out of their house. After all, Abinash Babu was away the whole week and only visited on Sundays. Was that how her relationship with Suman had begun?

Suman did not admit that to Riziya. He said it was a false accusation. But even as he said that, there were signs on his face that he was lying. Riziya realized from Aaduri’s behaviour that her suspicions were not baseless. And she also realized that the more Suman was irresistibly attracted to Aaduri, the more she felt repulsed by Suman.

Actually, Suman could not stand Riziya for many other reasons. He thought that Riziya had deceived him. It was true that they were a family, but Riziya had never really loved him deeply. Riziya still had immense respect for Tahirul, the imam of the mosque in Sadnahati. She spoke about him from time to time. Suman wasn’t able to accept that. After talking to the doctor in the hospital at the time Preeti was born, Suman had realized that there was something wrong as far as the timing was concerned. Why did Riziya seek to retain her ‘Muslimness’ at every step? Was that because of the intense love that Riziya subconsciously felt towards Tahirul? How much could he love the person he had made his companion and set up home with if another man resided in her heart? Was this child then…!

Suman kept neglecting Riziya. And, as time went by, the neglect and contempt grew. He avoided taking Preeti into his arms or on his lap. When she called out to him, ‘Baba’, he did not respond. But he was dutiful in his own way, Riziya could not deny that. He had got Preeti admitted to school. So was his conscience not entirely dead? Since when exactly had his suspicion regarding Preeti become unbearable for him? Riziya suddenly remembered a particular day. Preeti was probably seven or eight then. As Suman returned home, he heard Riziya telling Preeti about her childhood days. About Sadnahati. The hero of the tale was Tahirul. Had he wondered then whether Riziya would finally ensure that her daughter became a Muslim? As soon as he entered, he had questioned Riziya, ‘What’s all this?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘What are you telling her? Who are you telling her about?’

‘I’m telling her about Sadnahati, about my childhood. Why, what happened?’

Suman suddenly got angry. Baring his teeth in a snarl, he barked out, ‘About Sadnahati? Or about her father!’

Riziya had understood what Suman was hinting at, and turned furious. Suman had made such insinuations a few times earlier too. However, she had not let that bother her. But all those insinuations of the past seemed to flare up in her mind now.

‘What did you say? Chhee, chhee! How could you say such a thing! I can’t believe that I had trusted you and left my home. You have such a filthy mind?’

‘You had no option besides that.’

‘Chhee! Go away from here. I can’t stand you any longer.’

Suman had quarrelled a lot that day; Riziya didn’t spare him either. Suman’s argument was that if Preeti was his child, then she couldn’t be told anything about the Muslim community. Why should she say ‘pani’? She’ll say ‘jol’ instead. Why should she hear the word ‘Allah’ time and again from Riziya’s lips? She should learn the names of gods and goddesses. Riziya stopped arguing with Suman – because that crossed the wall and reached Aaduri’s ears. Riziya thought that it was on Aaduri’s instigation that Suman was behaving so badly with her of late. She was able to understand the state of Suman’s mind now.

Sometimes she thought that although he was educated, he was also a bit of a fool. He relied more on his emotions rather than his intelligence. Riziya suddenly remembered another day’s incident.

Suman had returned home with a Shiv-ling – a phallic representation of the Hindu god Shiva – made of stone. He told Riziya in a very casual tone that he was going to install it. ‘I brought it for daily puja. This has to be worshipped every day with bael leaves and Ganga water, Reena.’

‘Meaning? Why should I do the puja?’

‘You should. How does it matter?’

‘No! That’s impossible. You did not like idol worship. So why all this?’

‘I still don’t. Who said I am worshipping this piece of stone? I am also a monotheist. But can you imagine God? Hindus imagine various qualities of God and worship them. The Shiv-ling is the foundation of shakti. There’s nothing wrong with it.’

‘No. I can’t do all that.’