I shake my head and nod at him to sit down. Just to assert my authority, to let them know that I’m in charge here and not about to be browbeaten into following their rules, I step closer and slide the knife across his forearm, catching him unawares while his attention is focused on his daughter and the older lady.
He lets out a yelp. Blood bubbles out of the wound in a straight line; small strips of crimson running over his arm and dripping onto the wooden floor, pooling and growing, combining with the vomit. Bodily fluids everywhere, spreading and congealing, dark and ominous. The colour of death.
‘Sit the fuck down.’ Gone is the diminutive voice I previously used in his presence, the peaceable little squeak that he liked so much. I am almost growling now, my anger palpable. It’s driving me on, that fury, forcing me to do things that I know I shouldn’t do. I can’t stop it. I never could. It’s who I am, as much a part of me as breathing, chiselled deep into my DNA.
I jab at the air, watching as Peter eventually backs away and drops down next to the two other women.
‘Who is she?’ I point at the bleeding body and nod at her. ‘Why is she here?’
‘It’s my mum,’ Peter says, his voice a thick, strangulated noise. ‘She’s badly hurt and we need to call an ambulance.’
‘I asked why she’s here. Who did she get in touch with before coming here?’
‘She didn’t get in touch with anybody you mad bitch and she’s here because she’s part of our family!’ Lauren has regained her strength and is shouting at me now. I smile, my laughter fizzing up inside of me, fighting to be out. ‘I swear to God,’ she continues, ‘you are a fucking maniac and should be locked up for the rest of your days.’
The smile fades from my face. Frost burns at me, ice slithering through my veins.
‘I beg your pardon? What did you just say?’ My heart bounces around my chest. Saliva fills my mouth. I start to walk towards her, the weight of the knife in my hand a reassuring sensation. Hefty and powerful. I could do it right now. I could lean down and push it deep into her ribcage, watch her beg for mercy, then smile as she dies, right here on the floor. But I won’t. Not just yet. We need to talk, the Saunders family and I. They need to know what Sophia did to my family: how her sluttish ways tore me and my husband apart.
‘You should have loved her more. Made her feel wanted. You drove her into the arms of another man.’ I brandish the knife in the air, the glint of the blade mesmerising me.
‘What?’ Lauren meets my gaze, her voice a metallic screech. Sharp. Incredulous.
Peter attends to the older lady, cradling her head, telling her she’s going to be just fine. She isn’t. None of them are going to be fine. I’ll make sure of it.
‘Sophia. Nobody from a happy marriage has an affair. He drove her to it. You too. You both drove her away.’
Lauren laughs, shakes her head, closes her eyes and breathes deeply. I can almost hear it – her exhalations, the rush of air that leaves her lungs. In, out. In, out. Out, out, out: small, desperate, dry gasps until they are empty. Devoid of oxygen. Until she is dead.
She looks at me, hisses. ‘Where is the little boy? What the fuck have you done with him?’ Her teeth are small, white fangs. Foamy specks of saliva gather on her lips.
‘He’s fine. Safely tucked up in bed. Not that it’s any of your concern. He’s nothing to you.’ She’s trying to catch me off-guard, hoping to deviate from our current situation. I can read her thoughts, see through her flimsy act. She is a child. A pompous, overbearing woman-child, her experience of life deeply limited. Cushioned from everyone and everything, she is no match for me.
‘You do know that your face is currently splashed all over the news, don’t you? Women who kidnap children don’t fare well in prison. All manner of terrible things happens to them.’ She smiles at me. I return the gesture, wondering if she will still be grinning when she is bleeding to death, her face slashed and torn, her neck ripped wide open.
I step closer, myriad voices in my head urging me on, telling to do it, to stab her first and then finish off the others. I push them away, those sounds, the voices, and continue walking towards the heap of bodies on the floor before me, those terrified, trembling people who thought they knew me. Nobody knows the real me, the one I hide away. The one who wants to hurt people, to maim them. I lock her away, stuff her out of sight, but she always manages to scramble back out, showing everyone that she is made of stern stuff, that she won’t be silenced.
The pool of thick scarlet inches closer to my feet, trickling into the cracks of the flooring, filling the air with a sour, metallic tang that hangs in the back of my nose and my throat. The stench of death as it creeps closer, that’s what it is. She’s on her way out, the older woman. Soon she will be gone, leaving me with less to do. Fewer people to punish. And then I can leave here, be on my way. I can collect Luke. We’ll leave this town, head off together and start a new life, just the two of us. I have money and now I have a son. He is my new family, my little boy. I need nothing and nobody else.
‘I know you, Jade Kennedy. I know all about you. So does the whole of the UK now you’ve stolen somebody else’s child. I always suspected you were unhinged. It took me a while to see through your little act but I see you now. I see you for who you are – a pathetic, desperate individual with nobody and nothing.’
My laughter rings through the room, bouncing off every surface and wiping the superior smile off Lauren’s face. ‘You think you know me?’ I get down on my haunches, the knife poised just inches from Lauren’s pretty little face. I think about how she would look if I carved her up right now, how much blood she would lose, how much glee it would give me, the excitement that would shoot through my system, threading its way through my veins, blooming and warming me. ‘You really think you know all there is to know about me?’ I take the blade and trace it over her throat, circling it around her neck before resting it in the hollow of her clavicle. ‘You know nothing about me or my life. Nothing at all.’
Her groan is soft, a gentle whimper, her eyes never leaving mine. ‘So come on then, Alice, tell me what I’m missing here. What don’t I know?’
A sob forces me to turn around. The older woman is lifting her head, trying to speak. Peter is stroking her face, his hand pressed against her abdomen to stem the flow of blood. I think about how it would feel to press this knife deep into his back, to feel his blood as it pumped through my fingers, departing his body, leaving him an empty husk of a man. Goosebumps rise on my skin. A wave of pleasure runs through me, spasming in my muscles and chiselling its way into my bones, happiness and contentment solidifying inside me, anchoring me to this moment. Oh, God this is glorious. Better than alcohol, better than sex. It thrills me like nothing I have ever experienced and I want more if it, this feeling. I never want it to end. It completes me. So much power. So much glorious control and power.
‘What don’t you know? Oh, there is so much to tell, dear girl. So many secrets. A lifetime of them.’ My voice is a distant echo, a ghostly whisper in my head. I want to tell her. I want to tell her everything but then she will be privy to all there is to know about me. I will have nothing left to hide. I will be empty, the core of me devoid of everything I hold dear. And I need something, a small, special something to remind me of who I really am.
I close my eyes, just for a second, to allow the feeling to pass. My skin is being touched, softly at first, then with more force. I snap open my eyes and I’m falling.
45PETER
She’s going to die if he doesn’t do something. He can’t let that happen. He’s bigger than Alice, stronger. He needs to do something. Anything.
His mum is moaning softly in his arms. He looks down at her, terrified every breath she takes will be her last. She seems so tiny laid there beside him, her face grey and lifeless. Helplessness smothers him: that knife, Alice’s demented frame of mind, all forming a barrier between him and his family getting out of here alive.
And then he sees it – Alice is losing focus, her eyes clouding over, her features slackening as if all of her thoughts are currently tumbling out of her head and leaking out into the ether. He nods to Lauren, an imperceptible sign that she notices. She edges over to her Grandma, places her hand behind her neck to support her head and leans down to stroke the older lady’s face, replacing him as he slides away.
He is freed up, able to do something – anything, to get them out of this situation. He moves, a shuffle at first, gaining some distance, more speed and then with hands outstretched towards the handle, he lunges at Alice, knocking the knife clean out of her hands. It hits the floor with a muted thump, spinning out of her reach and landing close to where Lauren is sitting with her grandma.
Alice lets out a roar – elongated, frenzied, like the cry of a wounded animal. Peter pushes her backwards and sits astride her prostrated body, holding her fast, pressing down on her, thinking how demented and damaged she is, how ugly it must be inside her mind, how fractured her world is. Her skull bangs against the floor as she bucks about trying to free herself. He grabs at her arms and pins them above her head but still she continues thrashing and flapping, pushing back against him, her strength inhuman, her eyes savage.
‘Stop it!’ His voice is close to a sob, energy, adrenaline coursing through him.
‘Fuck you, Peter Saunders and fuck your daughter and slut of a wife!’
He ignores her words, words designed to rile him, hoping that Lauren has the sense to move the knife and is using it to protect herself. He can manage Alice. Lauren needs to take care of herself and her grandma. To do what needs to be done should Alice manage to wriggle free.
The air close by him shifts, an indiscernible movement. He prays Lauren is being wise, not doing anything foolhardy that could endanger them all. Not when he’s finally managed to get Alice under control.
‘Shut up. Lauren’s going to call the police.’ His voice is loud, powerful, the command for his daughter obvious in his tone. ‘Just stop with your stupid games and stop trying to free yourself. You’re not going anywhere.’ His face is close to Alice’s now, their breathing meeting and merging in an invisible, foul-smelling haze as fear and fury swamp them both.
‘This is for you, Peter. Just for you.’
For one terrible moment, he fears she is going to kiss him. Instead, she spits in his face, a globule of hate-filled saliva that lands in his eyes, marring his vision. He tries to keep hold of her but his grip loosens, just for a split second and before he can stop her, she wriggles out from under him and catapults out of view.
‘Lauren!’ Peter spins around, terrified of what he’ll see. Visions of Alice slitting his mother’s throat, sticking the knife deep into Lauren’s guts fill his mind.
