She walks out through the kitchen doors and into the dining room and I sigh, leaning my head into my hands as I wait to hear the front door slamming. I imagine the look of devastation on my father’s face as Carol tells him how fucked up his son is.
The sound of footsteps draws my head back up and Carol walks towards me, a bottle of my father’s top shelf scotch in her hand.
“I feel like this conversation needs something a little stronger than just coffee.” A small smile graces her perfectly done up face and a small part of me relaxes at the gesture.
“It’s only nine a.m.?” I question, checking my watch. She only shrugs, the response so like Kris my heart twinges.
Bringing my mug to my lips, I drink down the remaining liquid in one mouthful and hold out the mug for her to pour.
She pours a generous amount into my mug before adding the same amount to her steaming coffee, leaving the bottle between us.
“Now, I believe you were in the middle of telling me you had feelings for my son?” Her voice holds no hint of anger or disgust like I had expected, though concern pinches her brow. That is the only sign she shows of discomfort.
“Yes.” I take a large mouthful of the amber liquid, warmth running down my throat and filling my stomach as it goes. “I think I’ve loved him for a while.”
“I know.” Her voice sounds small, like a delicate whisper floating in the air. My mouth gapes at her response.
“You know?”
“I’ve known for a long time. The looks, the way your eyes always move to him whenever he enters a room, the hurt that would flash across your face whenever he brought girls home. Yes Nick, I know.” She takes a small sip of her coffee while I sit there, dumbstruck.
All this time, I believed I had successfully concealed my feelings for Kris, but evidently my face betrayed me whenever I was in his presence.
“Does my father know?” I ask quietly, wanting to shrivel into my suit.
“Goodness no.” She laughs and I release the breath I’ve been holding. “How does Kris feel?”
Memories of last night come back in a rush, Kris staring into my eyes, our chests heaving as cum dripped on the floor between us. How he rushed to get dressed, determined to come downstairs and tell our parents.
“I want this.”
“I can’t stop thinking about this, us.”
His words echo through my mind as I stare into the same jade eyes across the counter. “I think he loves me, too.” I whisper before my shoulders drop and I stare at the marble counter.
“Well, if you think he loves you as well,” She mused, the sound of her fingers tapping against the table filling the silence. “Why do you look like your gingerbread house has just collapsed?”
“I messed up.” I exhale, still not ready to look into the same jade eyes that I watched slowly break in front of me last night.
Her voice is calm and matter-of-fact. “I’m sure it isn’t anything a little icing can’t fix.”
“I…” Looking up to her face, wincing. “I’m not sure.”
“Well, maybe this is a conversation you need to have with Kris. A simple conversation has the power to resolve a surprising amount of problems.” She smiles as she downs the last of her coffee. “Now last I saw my son, he was out with Rudolph trying on that fancy new helmet. That might be a good place to start.”
She stands patting me on the shoulder and turns to bunch up the flowers pooling across the small table.
“You’re not disappointed?” She immediately stops, turning on the balls of her feet to face me as her jade eyes lock onto mine, hardening and now I can see where Kris gets his famous glare from.
“Why would I be upset that such a compassionate and kind hearted man loves my son?” She rests her hands on her hips, looking at me expectantly.
“I, uh I don’t know. ‘Cause I’m your stepson and isn’t this wrong?” Tears well in my eyes and her eyes soften as she reaches for my hand.
“We don’t choose who we fall in love with, Nick.” She squeezes my hand tightly. “So many people thought I was crazy, packing up our life and moving to literally the top of the world for love, but you know what?” Her eyes gloss with unshed tears as she strokes my face.
“I don’t regret a single thing. It brought me here to Klaus. With you. It has been an absolute pleasure getting to watch you grow up into the outstanding man you are today. Tomorrow, when you take off on that sleigh, will be one of the proudest moments of my life.”
A single tear tracks down her face, and that is enough to set me off, too. She moves to my side and embraces me tightly.
“Does it feel wrong?” she whispers into my ear.
No, no, it doesn’t. Nothing with Kris has ever felt wrong.
My heart has only beaten stronger over the last week, as if it has finally found the place where it belongs. So many emotions flood my system and I can only shake my head into the crook of her neck.
“Well then, I think you have your answer.” She kisses the top of my head and packs up her flowers, moving towards the front door.
“What about my father?” I ask, knowing that conversation will not go nearly as well as this one has.
“You leave him to me.” She winks before disappearing out the door with a flurry of snow and soft jingles.
Stepping up to the reindeer pen, I take in the expansive snow-covered trees that surround the acreage that the reindeer roam. My family has always insisted on treating the reindeer like royalty. Without them, there would be no Christmas.
Kris stands in the middle of the paddock, dark wash jeans covering his perfectly shaped ass, work boots and black puffy jacket make him stand out in the never ending field of white.
A beanie covers his messy dark locks and his face is buried in the screen of his tablet. He doesn’t see my approach.
I lean against the fence and watch as he adjusts settings and looks at the sky, watching Rudolph complete laps, his usual scowl missing from his face. The tawny reindeer’s nose is clearly glowing red and bright as he ducks and weaves through clouds. Kris is tracking it all on his monitor, looking in his element.
“It’s working.” I say, watching in awe.
Looking back at me, he swallows, the scowl returning before taking a few tentative steps closer.
“Yeah.” He glances away, looking back at the screen. “I worked through the night and finally got it fitted and ready to go early this morning.”
He moves next to me, leaning against the fence post to tilt the screen towards me so I can see the radar data branching out from Rudolph’s helmet.
“Seems to run smoothly. I've taken it through three test flights with a single reindeer so far with no glitches.”
My hand moves closer to his, brushing gently across the back of his hand, and our little fingers loop together. “I always believed in you.”
His finger seems to grip mine tighter and together we both stare out at the field, watching Rudolph land near the other reindeer with a flourish before he struts over to us. He always was the dramatic one of the herd.
“About last night …” I break our silence.
“Nick, it’s fine.” He pulls away, the moment broken. Letting go of my finger he moves towards the gate where Rudolph waits for him.
