At least she said it to Lydie and me. Knowing my sister, I realized that she probably needed to let this anger off of her chest, but why would she not listen to me? I held up my hand, “I just need a minute of your attention.”
Ellie did not stop, “Now you’re all buddy-buddy with Marshall, which means that you’ll agree with whatever fool plan he and Sawyer come up with next! So you and Marshall bonded today? Well good for you, but I want Sawyer to hear it from me that this is his fault – completely his fault!”
Lydie looked worried. I bit my tongue for the moment, and Ellie continued. “Yeah, Sawyer and I worked well together today, but that was when there was hope of finding help before tonight. The thought of spending a night out in the cold with him is making me feel sick. I’m mad enough to hike through the night to make it back to Mom and Dad.”
She seemed to run out of steam, so I carefully began, “Well, while it is true that this idea was Sawyer’s, we all agreed to join him. And we were having a great adventure.” Lydie nodded and Ellie rolled her eyes. “The truth is, we need Sawyer and Marshall. None of us is as good at orienteering and triangulation as they are. We need their physical strength.” Ellie muttered under her breath, but I kept going. “And what I learned today, you know the ‘middle-school gossip,’” I shot a look at Ellie, “is that if we smack talk the guys, it hurts them. And when people are hurt, they can’t do what they were meant to do. I’m glad you said this to Lydie and me, Ellie, because if you care at all about our family friends, you will not say anything mean or blame Sawyer. We need the guys, so we need to build them up. Be encouraging. Or at least be polite.”
Lydie’s eyes were big as she took in the lesson. Ellie was listening but did not look convinced. “Or at least be polite,” I said again for emphasis. “Please, Ellie, between us three, Marshall told me that guys practically live to impress girls, and that what we say can make or break them. Let’s choose to be real friends, to treat them as brothers and esteem them, like we treat each other.”
Hearing myself tell Ellie to treat guys kindly stunned me into silence, because right then, an image of my former crush Bentley Bowers and Sierra Wainwright holding hands popped into my mind. I felt like I’d been slapped in the face. And I knew then that being kind does not always come easily.
Lydie brought me back to the present and excitedly matched my new eagerness for The Golden Rule and announced, “I’m in, Sister! I like the idea of being nice to everyone, no matter whose fault this may seem to be. Because, really, this is an adventure no matter how we look at it.” Lydie’s wisdom is far greater than any other eleven-year-old I know. I beamed at her, then hesitantly looked toward Ellie.
She was looking more convinced and responded, “So, I need to not blame Sawyer?”
“Right,” I nodded, holding her gaze.
“And,” she paused, “take this adventure as an opportunity to treat him like a brother?”
“Yup!” Lydie said.
“So we got along really well today,” Ellie whispered, and Lydie grinned mischievously, “and he didn’t annoy me like he usually does.” I listened respectfully, even though I wanted to say ‘I told you so!’ and laugh in her face. “I guess maybe he has matured a lot, and,” she looked uncomfortable, “girls, promise you won’t breathe a word?” Lydie and I consented, and Ellie pointed at me, “especially you, now that you’re all chummy with Marshall.” I rolled my eyes and nodded.
Ellie continued, “I keep thinking of Sawyer differently than I used to. I mean, it’s weird, it’s almost like I can’t stop thinking about him. I hope he thinks I’m helpful enough and strong enough and mature enough and beautiful enough.” She blushed when she said beautiful, but then continued, “but sometimes he still just drives me crazy, like going and making those packing lists for us – as if we wouldn’t know what to pack ourselves! But then after I blew up at him, I felt really bad. I mean, he’s just planning ahead and practicing for when he’s a professional guide. I shouldn’t have assumed that he thought I didn’t know what to pack.” Ellie shook her head, and Lydie and I exchanged a knowing wink. Ellie went on, “It’s just weird, the way that I feel, I mean. For as long as I can remember, Sawyer has annoyed me, but this summer, I see him as so upright and kind and smart.”
“Chivalrous,” I piped in. Ellie and Lydie looked at me.
“Huh?” asked Lydie.
Ellie smiled and nodded, “Yes! Chivalrous is a great way to describe Sawyer! Like a knight,” she explained to Lydie. “Strong, fights for what is right, polite, especially to girls and ladies,” she described.
“Oh, I get it!” said Lydie with a grin.
Lydie was still smiling, and I couldn’t help but smile at my big sister. I can imagine that admitting her crush was a big step for Ellie. “Oh, wipe those smiles off your faces, girls!” she teasingly reprimanded. We giggled. “Well, you girls might laugh, but I don’t want to have a crush. It was easier when I did not like Sawyer one bit. A crush makes our whole friendship complicated.”
“Your whole friendship?” I challenged. As if they had ever considered each other friends before. “Just be kind to Sawyer like you are to everyone else, Ellie,” I calmly said. “And everything else you said that you hope he thinks about you, you already are.” Ellie hugged me, and I said, “He needs us to trust him. No doubt he is blaming himself anyway, so we need to support him.” I felt very relieved that our girls’ conference was beneficial. I called to the guys, “The testosterone crew is welcome to return!” They started to jog over to us, and that’s when I heard our supper boil over.
6
“Oh, no!” Ellie screeched.
Lydie’s eyes were wide. My stomach groaned. Marshall’s face was red. Sawyer expertly clipped the handle on the backpacking pot and lifted it off the small stove.
Ellie immediately apologized, “I can’t believe I let that happen! I am so sorry,” she looked near tears.
Sawyer looked in the pot and quietly said, “It’s just a thin layer on the bottom that burned.”
“I knew we shouldn’t have left the girls in charge of supper,” Marshall said with a frustrated scowl.
His sharp response surprised me, considering our earlier conversation, but I figured by now we’re all “hangry.” So hungry we’re angry. Being nice while “hangry” is nearly impossible.
Sawyer looked disappointed, as if he had been expecting a feast and now was given scraps. Ellie slipped away from the group with her hands over her face, and Lydie shot a concerned look after her. I quietly walked the forty feet to her and gently put my arm on her shoulders.
“See, Marlee? This is just one reason I don’t want to have a stupid crush. Now I’m like all the other girls my age who start chattering about some boy and then go and mess up something like this! We had one meal! And now we have two-thirds of a meal to split between five ravenous people! All because I was talking about Sawyer,” she yelled in a hushed voice.
“Maybe the boys can hunt a deer for us,” I said halfheartedly. “Ellie, it’s not your fault. I should have been watching the food, too.”
She looked up and sniffed back a tear. “I don’t want to like Sawyer. I wish he could go back to being immature, and then I wouldn’t be so self-conscious around him,” she admitted.
“Oh, I see,” her dilemma was starting to make sense in my mind. While Ellie may like Sawyer, she didn’t want to “like” Sawyer. She didn’t want to have a crush on anyone. A crush would distract her from her other aspirations. Maybe that was part of why she had lashed out at Sawyer, I pondered. If she was rude to him, and he was rude in response, maybe Ellie hoped that the affectionate thoughts toward Sawyer would stop. I finally understood Ellie’s actions.
I heard snow softly crunching behind Ellie and me, and I turned to see Sawyer approaching. I gave her back a little rub and then left to head back to Lydie and Marshall. I smiled at Sawyer, whose face looked nervous as he met Ellie. I watched the two from a distance for just a moment. Ellie raised her head and again apologized. Sawyer, much to my surprise, reached out and put a hand on her elbow. I could see him talking to her, and I wondered what he said, but rather than gawking, I returned to the remains of supper.
“Looks like we’ll each get about a quarter-cup of rice!” Lydie happily announced. Lydie could always improve an attitude, and I could see in Marshall’s smile that he also appreciated her cheerful outlook. At least it didn’t make him madder.
While I knew that a positive perspective would do wonders for our group, I also knew that we needed physical nourishment. Lydie’s injured body needed extra nutrients to help her stay strong, and the rest of us would soon wither in this environment. Especially if we planned to hike anywhere tomorrow.
“Marshall,” I caught his attention and gestured with my head to meet me a ways out of Lydie’s earshot. I needed to ask him a question, but I did not want to worry Lydie.
Before we stopped walking, Marshall said, “Thanks for stopping Ellie from tearing into my brother. Man, I saw her blood boiling, and I thought if she lit into him, the search party would hear us miles away.”
I nodded, “It was a team effort, that’s for sure. And thanks again for telling me that stuff about guys,” I shyly said. I didn’t want him to think I was boy-crazy, but I was glad for the pointers on how to treat my brothers-in-Christ. That’s how I thought about boys these days. As brothers-in-Christ. Not that I ever was super boy-crazy, like my best friend Braelynn Gunderson, who has been planning her boyfriend since she was six. But I did like Bentley Bowers for a long time. Did! And I thought he liked me, too. I mean, he held my hand a few times and asked me to dance and just when I thought he really liked me a lot, he asked out Sierra Wainwright. And it hurt. A lot. So now I try not to get crushes.
I again felt humiliated and torn down as the Bentley and Sierra drama replayed in my mind. Before I got to the scene where Bentley asked for his sweatshirt back, the one I still had from the chilly night at the bonfire, Marshall’s voice brought me back to the present, though it took me a second to remember that we had been talking about the fight that almost broke out between Sawyer and Ellie.
Marshall smiled, “I knew you would take it seriously. Some girls would use that information to tear us down all the more, but I knew you’d be nice.” Hmmm, Marshall was giving me quite an education. All along I thought girls were the vulnerable ones.
“You said the search party would hear us miles away if Ellie blew up,” I quickly said, glancing back to make sure Lydie wasn’t listening, “do you think we’re going to be rescued? Or is it up to us to hike out?” I watched his face closely as I wanted the plain truth, not a buttered-up version.
His eyebrows slightly furrowed and he looked steadily at my eyes as he stated with a shake of his head, “I really don’t know. I wish I did, though. If it is up to us, I think that our best action would be for all five of us to hike out together. No splitting up. Today, we did the right thing to have two stronger hikers look for help, but now we’re a whole day later, and we need to get Lydie to a doctor. She still has her perky attitude, but when adrenaline slows and pain sets in, she’s going to need help fast.” I listened carefully, considering what he was saying. As if he read my mind, he continued, “But, if help is on its way, we need to stay here and conserve our energy and not have umpteen trails leading away from where we are stationed now. Evacuating Lydie won’t be easy since we’re all so tired and hungry. I’m curious to see what Sawyer has to say.”
I nodded grimly, and we simultaneously looked toward Sawyer and Ellie. Ellie laughed and smiled at Sawyer. Marshall smiled and asked me if I had any guesses as to what they were laughing about. “Wow, are those happy people the Ellie and Sawyer we know?” I asked in disbelief.
Marshall laughed and agreed that the change was significant. “They didn’t torment each other today,” he said optimistically. “Can’t help but wonder–” he stopped.
“What?” I asked, knowing full well what he was wondering.
He tilted his head at me, showing that he knew that we shared the thought about Sawyer and Ellie. “Come on, Marlee, I know you’ve noticed the way they are around each other this trip.”
I smiled, “I think it’s kind of cute.”
“Cute? You girls,” he teasingly shook his head. “Cute is a duckling – fuzzy baby animals. Sawyer and Ellie acting all googly-eyed is,” he stopped, searching for words.
“Cute?” I suggested with a grin.
Marshall chuckled and gently elbowed me, “We’d better get back to Lydie.” I laughed, and we began walking.
“Marshall?” Lydie asked sweetly. I was afraid she was going to ask the same question as me, about whether we were going to be rescued. Marshall nodded at her, indicating to her to continue.
