Only love hurts this way. And the way that her pain hurt me was love too.
“How did you know?” she whispered.
“Maddy called me,” I said, tucking her under my chin.
She nodded into my chest. “Thank you for coming.”
“Just meeting you where you are. In a closet.”
She laughed a little, and I tightened my grip around her.
“Where’s Amber?” I asked.
“In the bathtub.” She sniffled.
“What time does Neil come home?”
“I called Royaume. Hector says he’ll be there until at least four.”
“Okay,” I said, pulling away to brush the hair off her forehead. “So we have some time. We’ll get it all cleaned up, okay? Does he know?”
She shook her head solemnly. “No. But Maria will tell him.”
“What do you think he’ll do?”
She hugged her arms around herself. “Kick her out? That’s what they usually do.”
I drew my brows down. “Does she do this a lot?”
“She does this every time, Justin.” She peered up at me, her eyes sad. “I don’t know what’s wrong with her.” Her chin started to quiver.
I pulled her into me and held her again. “Maybe it’s better if she leaves,” I said, quietly. “Maybe it’s better for you.”
She shook her head. “When she’s here, it’s this. When she’s not, I’m just braced for the call because she’s doing this somewhere else where I don’t know if she’s safe.” She paused. “There is no better for me.”
We stood there, me holding her and her taking calming breaths in my arms. “We need to hurry,” she said finally. “I don’t want Neil to see this.”
I spent the next hour carrying heavy baskets up the stairs like a pack mule. When we finally got everything off the lawn, the three of us blitzed the closet. About halfway through, Amber came dragging out of the bathroom. Emma tried to get her to help with the cleanup, but it was almost more work to get Amber moving than to just do it herself so she gave up.
It was obvious Amber was in some sort of meltdown. I knew I should probably look at her actions the way Emma did, with empathy and not anger, but I was angry anyway, because I was pretty sure Amber didn’t do anything to try to help herself. I think she allowed Emma to mitigate the damage, and I think she’d been doing that since Emma was little. I could see now why Maddy hated her.
If this had been her childhood, Emma never got to be a kid. She didn’t even get to be a carefree adult. And I didn’t know how to help or what to even tell her. How would I feel if my mom were like this? How do you not care if someone you love is having a complete mental breakdown?
Amber felt like a curse.
I understood now why Emma wanted so badly for Amber to be working on herself and why Maddy didn’t buy it and wanted her gone.
Maybe Neil would get her to agree to the inpatient program Emma told me he offered. Now I found myself hoping. Maybe Amber never had the means or the support to get the kind of help she needed. Hell, maybe Amber would do for Neil what she never did for her own kid and get her shit together. Maybe this would be the turning point. Because if it wasn’t, when would this end?
By 3:30 we were done. Emma brushed out Amber’s hair and put it in a French braid, then left her asleep in bed.
We came down the stairs to Maria in the kitchen. “You threw out the flowers,” Maria said, pouring herself a glass of juice. “I wondered how long they were going to rot.”
Emma stopped. “If you saw them rotting, why didn’t you toss them?”
Maria scoffed. “Because she told me not to touch her stuff? So I don’t touch.”
“And what does Neil say about that?” I asked.
She shrugged. “If he wants to live with trash,” she said, emphasizing the word, “that’s none of my business.”
Emma stared at her for a moment. I didn’t know if she didn’t defend Amber because she was too tired for the fight, or if she agreed with Maria’s assessment of her mother, but she didn’t reply. I led her out of the kitchen and took her hand as we came out to the backyard.
The second we were outside and the Amber ordeal was over, Emma was spent. It was like she funneled everything into fixing the mess, and when it was done there was nothing left of her. I could tell she was small. I’d never seen her like this before, but I recognized it on sight. She was quiet and withdrawn. Flat. Almost monotone. I was glad Maddy prepared me for it because I wouldn’t have known what to think.
I checked my watch. “I have to go get Chelsea. Do you want to come home with me or have Maddy take you to the house so you can get in bed?”
“I think I need to stay home today,” she said, tiredly. “I’ll just go to the studio.”
Maddy shook her head. “Go home with Justin. I’ll come meet you tomorrow for your birthday lunch.”
Emma looked blankly back and forth between us.
I put an arm around her shoulders. “Let’s go home. I’ll make you dinner, and you can stay in bed for the rest of the day. We’ll watch movies, go to sleep early.”
I was relieved when she nodded.
I drove us to pick up Chelsea, then put Emma upstairs while I helped Sarah with homework and got dinner started. I was stressed the whole time.
