When I got to the lawn, Maddy was there. She was bagging up the clothes into trash bags.
“Hey,” she said, grimacing at a pair of Neil’s underwear that she’d picked up by the corner. “I didn’t take him for a Hanes guy.”
I was so relieved to see her, I almost broke down right then and there.
“You don’t have to do this,” I said.
“I know. I’m gonna anyway.” She shoved the underwear into the bag.
My chin quivered.
She didn’t want to help Amber. She didn’t care what became of my mother. But Maddy knew I’d be the one cleaning up the mess because Neil would be the one injured if I didn’t, and that would weigh on me more than any of it. So she came.
Maddy watched me look over the heaps of clothing, despair swallowing me.
“I wish I could not care,” I whispered.
Maddy saw my face and dropped the bag and closed the distance between us and hugged me.
My best friend was a docking station. Same as Justin. And I cried right into her hair.
When I got it together enough to pull away from her, she put her hands on my shoulders. “I want you to know that your empathy is beautiful, Emma. I hope you never lose that. I do hope that one day you get some boundaries though.”
I laughed a little but she didn’t smile.
“You cannot keep caring about her more than you care about yourself.”
When I didn’t answer, she took a deep breath and let me go.
“Come on,” she said, picking up the bag. “Let’s get Neil’s shit off the grass.”
CHAPTER 39 JUSTIN
I got the text from Maddy right as I was getting out of my meeting. She told me briefly what happened, and I came immediately. I didn’t even know Emma had left.
Maddy was alone in the yard putting button-down shirts into a laundry basket when I walked around the side of Neil’s house.
I don’t know how much was out there on the lawn to begin with, but it must have been a lot because it looked like a whole walk-in closet was still on the grass.
I shook my head over the mess. “What the hell happened?”
She pushed a loose hair off her forehead with the back of her hand. “Amber happened. I’m sorry you had to come. There’s no way the two of us can clean this up. It’s Emma’s birthday tomorrow. If we don’t help her get through this today she’s going to be small for a week, and I will not let that woman ruin another important day for her.”
“Yeah, of course,” I said, looking over the clothes. “What can I help with?”
She handed me the basket. “Take this up. It’s the last room at the top of the stairs. Emma’s in the walk-in closet.”
“All right.” I turned for the house.
“Justin—”
I stopped and looked back at her.
“Do you know what to do when she gets small?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“She’s going to get really detached and distant. Give her space, but don’t leave her alone. And whatever you do, never let her take off.”
“Okay…”
“I’m serious,” she said. “Keep her near you. Put her in a room, let her isolate, let her sleep, bring her food. Don’t talk to her until she’s ready to talk, give her time to come out of it. But don’t let her leave.”
I nodded. “All right. Why?”
“Because she won’t come back.”
By the matter-of-fact way she said it, I knew she meant it. And I wondered what she’d seen to make her believe this.
I realized that Maddy was probably one of the only people who’d ever taken care of Emma. She was probably the only person that Emma allowed to take care of her.
And now there was me too. And I would. However I needed to.
I carried the basket through the house to find Emma hanging things up in the closet of the master bedroom. When she saw me, her face went from surprise to crumpled in the course of two seconds flat. I set the basket down and wrapped her in my arms, and she burst into tears.
Protectiveness surged through me. I hated this.
I could feel how tired she was. It reminded me of the way Mom felt the day she left. An emotional exhaustion. Bone weariness.
