“It’s a gift,” I said. “Not for me, but my exes are happy.” I sipped my drink and kept reading. When I finished, I set my phone down. “Not the asshole.”
“Totally agree,” she said. “Have you seen that billboard?”
“No.”
“I googled it. Look.”
She held her phone out again and I almost choked on my laugh. “That poor guy.”
“I would never do you dirty like that,” Maddy said.
“I hope not. I couldn’t live without you.”
She grinned and took a bite of her veggie wrap.
“It’s weird you guys both have the same thing going on,” she said, after she swallowed. “All your exes, just riding off into the sunset.”
“Ha. I wonder how many weddings he’s had to be in,” I said, pulling the pickles out of my chicken sandwich and putting them on her plate.
She nodded at my phone. “You should ask him.”
I gave her a look. “Just DM him?”
She shrugged. “Yeah, why not? Guys love it when girls slide into their DMs,” she said. “Seriously. Ask him. Lunch is boring. It’ll give us something to do.”
I sighed. “All right. One message.” I wiped my fingers on a napkin, picked up my phone, and swiped open my Reddit DMs.
His handle was just_in_267. I wondered if his name was Justin. My handle was Emma16_dilemma. I hadn’t changed it since tenth grade. I probably should.
I started typing.
I have the same problem you have. It’s happened seven times in the last four years. We break up and the guy is married within six months. Do they ask you to be in their weddings too? I’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid three times 
I hit send. “There. I sent it, a message to a complete stranger.” I set my phone down. “It sort of feels like something my mom would do.”
Maddy scoffed. “If this were Amber, she’d spend all her rent money on a psychic who paints portraits of your soulmate and then sends you the same painting she sends everyone else. That’s what Amber would do.”
I didn’t laugh. It was too true to be funny.
My cell pinged. “That Reddit guy just replied,” I said.
Maddy stopped with her wrap halfway to her mouth. “What’d he say?”
I clicked on the message.
Justin: Excuse me if this isn’t the case, but you’re not a reporter trying to figure out my identity for another article about the Reddit thread, are you? You have to tell me. It’s like when you’re an undercover cop and someone asks you if you’re a cop and you can’t lie about it.
I laughed.
“What?” Maddy asked.
“He thinks I’m a reporter trying to figure out who he is.”
“Is that a problem he has?”
“Apparently.”
I started typing.
Me: I am not a reporter.
Justin: That’s exactly what an undercover reporter would say.
I shook my head with a smile.
Me: I’m a nurse.
He sent me a narrow-eyed emoji.
I got an idea.
Me: Tell me how many fingers to hold up.
A few seconds passed.
Justin: Four
“Maddy, take a picture of me.”
