AITA for naming my ugly dog after my ex best friend?

I [29m] have been friends with Chad [32m] since we were born. Our moms are best friends and we grew up together and were roommates for the last 10 years, up until the incident that set our current situation into motion.

A little backstory. I have this… streak if you will? Basically every woman I date more than a few times ends up finding her soulmate after we break up. It’s a thing. It started three years ago and it’s now happened five times. We break things off and the very next person they date ends up being The One.

My friends think this is hilarious. I always part ways with the women on good terms, and I’m happy they’re happy. But my buddies tease me mercilessly about it. They call me the good luck charm.

Anyway, forward to five months ago. I dated Hope [28f] for a few weeks. Not a big deal. We decided we weren’t feeling it, no chemistry, so we called it quits. And then lo and behold she hits it off with Chad. Of course in true Good Luck Charm fashion, this means Chad is her soulmate. Chad is all googly-eyed over her, they’ve met the parents, they’re ring shopping—and they want to move in together. Immediately.

The only problem is that Chad has six more months on our lease but found a perfect new house for him and Hope, and he can’t afford to pay rent on two places at the same time. So he had to make the difficult decision to screw me over or screw her over—and he picked me. Now I have to find a way to cover his rent until the lease is up.

I spent several weeks stressing. I really didn’t want to find a new roommate, and the landlord wouldn’t let me out of the lease completely, but he did say I could move to a less expensive apartment. The only available unit in the entire complex was a studio. A little small, but it’s just temporary, and it’s cheap. I jumped at the chance and agreed to it sight unseen. Then I found out WHY this studio was cheap and available—it directly faces one of those Toilet King plumber billboards. The one where he’s dressed like Henry Tudor and holding a plunger over a giant poop-filled toilet bowl? It should be illegal for a billboard to be this close to a building. It’s like the only person meant to see it is the poor soul who lives in this apartment—who is now me. Seriously. It’s all you can see. No sky, no water—just the Toilet King. All day. All night. Lit up when the sun goes down, it shines through the blinds. I work from home. I am in hell.

Chad thinks this is the funniest thing that’s ever happened and he trolls me constantly, despite this being mostly his fault. He keeps sending me pictures of every Toilet King billboard, bus bench, and airplane banner he sees, which if you live in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area, you understand exactly how often this happens.

I’m annoyed, but I decided to try to find a reason to spend more time outside so I don’t have to stare out my window. I’ve always wanted a dog, but Chad would never agree to it. So I went to a rescue and found the ugliest animal there. The one so hideous, nobody else wanted it. This dog’s got an underbite and mange, and he’s missing half an ear. He’s a little Brussels Griffon, so he’s got that deep frown—he looks like a judgmental gremlin. I adopted him and named him Chad since the dog is now my new best friend. If you’re reading this, you’re dead to me, human Chad. (Not really, I still love the guy.) But I tag him in the captions of every Chad the Dog Instagram post with “Look, a loyal Chad!”

Chad laughs it all off, but Hope is upset and says I should rename the dog. Chad’s mom agrees and says I’m not allowed to come over until I change the name, which kind of sucks because she’s my mom’s best friend and I end up there a lot for family stuff. I’m still not doing it.

Am I petty? Yes. But am I the asshole?

CHAPTER 1 EMMA

Have you seen this?”

My best friend tilted her phone so I could see what she was talking about. There was a black Reddit “Am I the Asshole” thread taking up the screen.

We were in the hospital cafeteria on our lunch break.

“What is it?” I asked, squeezing ketchup on my fries.

“Just read it,” she said. “I’m sending you the link.”

She thumbed it in and it came through.

I picked up my drink and held the straw of my iced tea between my teeth while I read. The moment I hit the second paragraph my eyes went wide. “Oh my God…” I breathed.

“Right? And here I thought you were the only one with that good luck charm thing.”

“It’s a gift,” I said. “Not for me, but my exes are happy.” I sipped my drink and kept reading. When I finished, I set my phone down. “Not the asshole.”

“Totally agree,” she said. “Have you seen that billboard?”

“No.”

“I googled it. Look.”

She held her phone out again and I almost choked on my laugh. “That poor guy.”

“I would never do you dirty like that,” Maddy said.

“I hope not. I couldn’t live without you.”

She grinned and took a bite of her veggie wrap.

“It’s weird you guys both have the same thing going on,” she said, after she swallowed. “All your exes, just riding off into the sunset.”

“Ha. I wonder how many weddings he’s had to be in,” I said, pulling the pickles out of my chicken sandwich and putting them on her plate.

She nodded at my phone. “You should ask him.”

I gave her a look. “Just DM him?”

She shrugged. “Yeah, why not? Guys love it when girls slide into their DMs,” she said. “Seriously. Ask him. Lunch is boring. It’ll give us something to do.”

I sighed. “All right. One message.” I wiped my fingers on a napkin, picked up my phone, and swiped open my Reddit DMs.

His handle was just_in_267. I wondered if his name was Justin. My handle was Emma16_dilemma. I hadn’t changed it since tenth grade. I probably should.

I started typing.

I have the same problem you have. It’s happened seven times in the last four years. We break up and the guy is married within six months. Do they ask you to be in their weddings too? I’ve been asked to be a bridesmaid three times

I hit send. “There. I sent it, a message to a complete stranger.” I set my phone down. “It sort of feels like something my mom would do.”

Maddy scoffed. “If this were Amber, she’d spend all her rent money on a psychic who paints portraits of your soulmate and then sends you the same painting she sends everyone else. That’s what Amber would do.”

I didn’t laugh. It was too true to be funny.

My cell pinged. “That Reddit guy just replied,” I said.

Maddy stopped with her wrap halfway to her mouth. “What’d he say?”

I clicked on the message.

Justin: Excuse me if this isn’t the case, but you’re not a reporter trying to figure out my identity for another article about the Reddit thread, are you? You have to tell me. It’s like when you’re an undercover cop and someone asks you if you’re a cop and you can’t lie about it.

I laughed.

“What?” Maddy asked.

“He thinks I’m a reporter trying to figure out who he is.”

“Is that a problem he has?”

“Apparently.”

I started typing.