I nod, feeling another stab of guilt that I wasn’t there, either. But it was May 2020—the height of the pandemic. Only four guests were allowed in the chapel—Lainey and her mother’s three closest friends. I watched the livestream of the service and did everything else I could think of, checking in with calls and texts, sending her flowers and cards and food. I still wish I could have done more, though. After all, that was Lainey’s rock bottom.
“What about your sisters?” I ask. “Have you given any more thought to reaching out to them?”
She shakes her head, but I sense hesitation.
“Are you sure about that?” I ask gently.
She sighs and says, “I recently looked them up. Just to see.”
“And?”
“And they’re both still in Texas.” She rolls her eyes. “Ever notice the way people from Texas never seem to leave Texas? They act like it’s the damn Garden of Eden.”
I can tell she’s downplaying something, so I press her a bit. “What are they doing right now?”
“They’re both private on Facebook and Insta—but I can see a bit. Ashley’s definitely married, and Olivia’s still playing tennis.”
“Professionally?”
“Yeah. I think so. I didn’t delve too deeply.”
“Maybe you should. Wouldn’t it be nice to have family in your life?” I say softly, thinking how unfair it is that Lainey’s mother was an only child on top of everything else.
“It’s crossed my mind. But it would just cause problems. I mean—there’s no way they’d be happy to hear from me.”
“Maybe not at first. But then they’d have you.”
She laughs. “The ultimate prize, right?”
“I think you are,” I say.
“Thanks, Han.”
She gives me a smile, but I can tell she’s sad now, too.
—
The following morning, I open my eyes and see Lainey’s long brown hair spilling over her pillow. For one second, I’m only happy to see her. Then it all comes rushing back to me—the reason she’s here—and the pain is even more acute than it was yesterday.
It was that way when Summer died, too. As horrific as that first day was, my heartbreak only grew as our new reality set in. Obviously, there’s no comparison between the two situations; they aren’t in the same universe. But losing Grady in this abrupt way really does feel like a death. He was there one second and gone the next.
My phone vibrates. It’s him. I freeze, panic, then make myself answer. Somewhere, deep in my soul, I hope that he’ll confess. It would be his only way to salvation.
“Hi,” I say, barely getting the word out.
“Morning, babe!” he says, his voice chipper and loud. “How’re you feeling?”
“Better,” I say as Lainey rolls over and looks at me.
I flash her my phone screen, showing her Grady’s name.
“Put it on speaker,” she whispers.
I do as I’m told, laying the phone on the bed between us.
“So what are you up to today?” he asks.
“Lainey’s here,” I say.
“Oh, cool. I didn’t know she was coming. Is she filming something?”
“No. She just flew down to see me.”
Lainey points down at her left ring finger, reminding me of her plan.
“She wants to take us to dinner,” I say. “To celebrate our engagement.”
Lainey gives me an encouraging smile and a thumbs-up.
“That’s so nice of her! I’m in! Do you have a rez?”
“Not yet.”
“Should I make one?”
“Sure,” I say.
“Okay. I’ll try Le Bilboquet. It’s short notice, but I’ll text the manager. I bet they can slide us in.”
