“I’m trying,” I say, suppressing a smile. “But the Pigeon Girl isn’t making it easy.”
Lainey laughs, then says, “You know what? I think we should make a deal. We all get laid tonight.”
“Lainey, hush,” Hannah says under her breath. She glances up at the taxi driver, looking mortified.
“Oh, don’t be such a prude,” Lainey says.
“I’m not being a prude,” she says. “That’s just so…I don’t know…”
“Predatory?” I finish for her.
“How is that predatory?” Lainey says. “We’d obviously be with consenting adults!”
“Still. How would you like to be on the receiving end of that kind of ‘deal’?” I ask her.
She raises her eyebrows. “That would depend entirely on how good looking he is.”
I shake my head, smile, and say it again: Shameless.
—
Our Dinner is as incredible as Alessandro promised. We go with the tasting menu plus wine pairings, and every dish looks like a work of art. Too pretty to eat, Hannah keeps saying, as Lainey snaps photographs of her plates. After dessert and a sweet Vin Santo, the bill comes. I grab it.
“What are you doing?” Lainey asks.
“I got this one,” I say. “My treat.”
Hannah thanks me as Lainey pats my arm and says, “I guess chivalry’s not dead, after all.”
“It’s not chivalry. It’s just my official congratulations to you,” I say. “Don’t get used to it.”
Lainey laughs, then says, “Shall we head to this piano bar or what?”
“Can we go over a few safety guidelines first?” I say.
“Safety guidelines or morality policing?” Lainey asks.
“Just don’t go wandering off, please. And keep your eye on your drinks.”
“Oh, wow. You think Archie is going to try to roofie Hannah?” Lainey asks me with a smirk.
“Who knows?” I say. “I’m sure he’s great. He’s probably a good guy, but you just never know. Ted Bundy seemed great.”
“Jeez! You’re such a buzzkill!” Lainey says. “And I really don’t think there’s much crime on islands. The escaping part would be a challenge.”
“Well, let’s put aside the fact that we already covered Friedrich Krupp and Jeffrey Epstein—both committing sex crimes on islands. Have you ever heard of Mary Jo Kopechne?”
“Who?”
“Chappaquiddick? An island,” I say. “Or how about Natalee Holloway on Aruba? Also an island.”
Lainey shudders. “That story still haunts me. Thank God they finally got that asshole to confess.”
“All right. Now that we’ve established that bad shit can happen to you while on a piece of land surrounded by water…can everyone please make sure they have their Life360 turned on?”
“I do,” Hannah says, as Lainey nods.
“And let us know if you leave the bar,” I say, staring at Lainey. “Okay?”
“Sure thing,” Lainey says. “And if I get in any trouble, I’ll send you a message via carrier pigeon.”
“Okay, smart-ass,” I say, trying not to smile. “Get yourself kidnapped. See if I care.”
—
According to Google Maps, the bar where we’re meeting Archie and his friend is only nine hundred meters from the restaurant. But the streets are dark, and we’re all a bit tipsy, so we grab a cab. The ride is so quick that we laugh at ourselves as I pay the fare and we all pile out at the San Michele Hotel.
We go inside, following the sound of music to Lanterna Verde. The bar is carved out of white limestone and has a wall of windows overlooking the Gulf of Naples. With pulsing dance music, swirling colored lights, and a cheesy star-spangled ceiling, the vibe is more psychedelic nightclub than chill piano bar, but I have a nice buzz and roll with it.
On our way to the bar, Hannah spots Archie and his friend, sitting at a table by the windows, beers in hand. She and Lainey walk over to them.
Trailing behind, I watch Hannah tap Archie on the shoulder. He turns, beams up at her, then stands and kisses her on one cheek, followed by the other. By the time I catch up, introductions are under way.
“This is Ian,” I hear Archie say as the girls greet him.
I smile to myself because Lainey nailed the description of the jovial sidekick right down to his beer belly and unruly beard.
Hannah follows suit, introducing Lainey and me.
