“Again, that was my fault. Just as I sense your emotions, you can sense mine. I let myself wallow in the misery of hurting you with what’s happened, and in doing so…well, I just hurt you more.”
I raise a brow, giving him a soft smile. “I guess I’m not the only one feeling guilty.”
Ilian grimaces. “The worst you are culpable of is coming to my studio for a tattoo, but I…I have done much more. We-I-I mean, we slept together without your consent.”
His confession comes out of nowhere, and I understand my panic attack a little better. No wonder Ilian feels overwhelmed if he thinks this is what really happened.
“You didn’t do anything without my consent. I admit, I thought it was a dream because it seemed too amazing to be real. The truth is, I wanted it then.”
What I don’t add is that I still want it—and him—when I know I should be getting away as fast as possible.
But my words seem to ease some of the tension riding Ilian. “You’re sure?”
“Positive.”
He nods, sensing the sincerity through our bond, and some of the pressure on my chest lifts. “Ok. I will take your word. So you really don’t know Aisyth—you’ve never met her by accident?”
My brow furrows. “Met? She’s an actual person?”
Now the gorgeous Ithaqua before me scratches his bony brow. “Aren’t your gods and goddesses real?”
“It’s complicated. My God doesn’t live on Earth.”
“Ah, I see. Ithaquan deities still live here, though they travel around the world and only show themselves very rarely.”
“That doesn’t sound very promising if we need your Goddess to erase the ink and break our bond.”
Ilian drops his head, careful not to hit me with his horns. “I know. It won’t be easy, but I vow to you that we—I—will fix this.”
“Ok, what’s the first step? How do we find Aisyth?”
“We look to the ink. She always leaves a map hidden in the depths of the artwork that she inspires. This is how her followers can search out their muse and worship Aisyth…closer.”
“Closer?” My voice lifts at the end, not quite a screech, but still too high.
“Don’t worry. I have no intention of worshiping my goddess in such a manner. That’s only reserved for my mate.”
A lightbulb goes off in my head—I’m his mate.
“You want to worship me?”
Ilian lifts his head, his bright magenta gaze boring into me. “With every fiber of my being.”
My breath hitches at his sincerity.
And why do I want that so badly when all of this is just a mistake?
CHAPTER SIX
Ilian
One second, Zhuliya seems to revel in our mating bond, and the next, she’s drowning in fear of a commitment she didn’t even make.
The whiplash of emotions drains me, not that I deserve a reprieve. I meant it when I said it was my fault we’re in this, and it’s my fault her emotions are going haywire.
I tamp back the guilt. The last time I let it consume me, my mate had a panic attack, and I’m still mentally kicking myself over the confusion and terror that spread across her beautiful face.
She’s taking the news well enough—maybe humans handle stress better than the media has led me to believe.
It’s probably just Zhuliya. In a world of red roses, she’s a white lily, standing out in stark contrast that calls to my soul.
“Ilian?”
Her lilting voice yanks me out of my poetic reflection. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“I asked if you wanted to look at the tattoo with me to see if we can figure anything out.” Right, her ink—across her bare, fully healed back… “I took a picture of it.”
Relief courses through me, and with it, the echo of Zhuliya’s hurt. It takes me a moment to sort through our combined emotions to figure out why she’s upset.
“I’m not rejecting you,” I whisper quietly, still on my knees before her. “I’m not, but please understand that I want you like nothing in my life and seeing your naked back makes it…worse.”
“Oh, I—of course. Let me get my phone.”
Zhuliya disappears into the bedroom before coming back out, a frown marring her brow. “I don’t know how this can be a map.”
She’s squinting at the tiny screen, and I chuckle at her expression. “It’s not obvious, trust me. Come here.”
