future would be so much different.”
The monster in my head tore deeper, but the sensation stayed out of reach, so
I was able to ignore it this time. “You know if you had just asked me nicely to
kill Ellery, I may have considered it. Now?” With my hands behind my back, my
shrug was awkward. “I don’t think so.”
Even with the emotional distance still holding strong, Iceman’s smile curdled
my blood. “You’ll change your mind.”
Again, the monster flexed his talons in my head. The move had fresh blood
dripping from my nose. “Nope, don’t think so.”
The pleasant laugh was disconcerting. It left me unprepared for Iceman’s
next move. “I’ll prove it to you.”
The monster tore a chunk from my brain and carved its mark. Shoot him.
My hands were free, the weight of my gun familiar. My arms rose, taking aim even as I screamed in furious denial.
Before Tito’s grin could disappear, I pulled the trigger.
CHAPTER 23
W olf left an hour later, leaving my gun with Kayden. I refused to pick it
up. Logically I knew it was stupid, but with the memories fresh and
vivid, I couldn’t touch it. Not yet. Maybe later.
“Wolf’s going to work with Rabbit on identifying Iceman.” Kayden flipped
the locks on the front door. The growl of Wolf’s engine rumbling to life filled the
quiet. A few moments later, the headlights flashed across the blinds. Kayden settled next to where I was curled up in the corner of the couch, huddled under a
blanket. “Talk to me.”
I cleared the lump that took up permanent residence in my throat and
croaked, “And say what?”
Instead of answering, he rubbed both hands over his face, once, hard, and then blew out a breath. He kept his focus on his hands as he curled and uncurled
them on his lap. “This isn’t the first time you’ve pulled the trigger.”
My laugh hurt as it came out harsh and brittle. “Not in cold blood. Battle is
different, you know that.” The insulating numbness started to crack. “I killed an
unarmed man.”
Saying it out loud made it too real. I threw off my blanket, jumped to my feet, and dashed down the hall to the bathroom. I barely made it in time.
Kayden pulled my hair back and held it as sweat ran hot down my cold face.
He didn’t say a word. What was there to say?
Although I knew that Iceman’s order ultimately controlled my actions, it
couldn’t erase the fact I wasn’t able to stop it. Regret, anger, resentment, horror,
all of it washed through me, until only exhaustion remained. The emotional overload had finally blown all my circuits, leaving me curiously grateful at the
resulting numbness.
Once my stomach was empty, Kayden handed me a cold washcloth. My
hands shook as I put it to good use. Finished, I set it carefully on the side of the nearby tub.
He tugged gently on my hair. “You need sleep.”
“I don’t think that’ll help.” If I closed my eyes, it wouldn’t be sleep that would find me.
