Which left me with what?
I tapped the end of my staff against the floor. Looking around, a nebulous plan began to form. There was one option, and as much as I didn’t relish the idea, it was one I could use. With no other solutions on the horizon, the question
of whether or not it would work remained beside the point.
I tightened my grip on the staff, and then headed back toward my room. With
each step my stomach lurched, and cotton filled my mouth, but this was my best
chance at finding Kelsey. I left the staff propped just inside the door and crossed
to my bed. My fingers stroked over her shirt as I found the courage to take the
next step. Months has passed since the last time I tried this. Knowing what needed to be done and doing it were two very different things.
I slowly sat on the edge of the bed, my fingers crushing the soft material, and
the light scent Kelsey wore brushed me. Even that small comfort couldn’t
counter the sickening apprehension swirling in my stomach, my body rebelling
at what was to come. I balled up the material and held it chest high, needing the
focus of something she’d touched.
My nerves tightened and a mental voice questioned the sanity of going
through with this when it could end up a pointless endeavor. I told it to shut the
hell up, I wasn’t abandoning Kelsey. It would work, it always did.
And if it went wrong? That stupid voice pushed. What then?
I tightened my lips. So long as it helped me find Kelsey, I’d handle it, dammit.
Blowing out a breath, I dropped my cloth-covered hands to rest on my thighs
and closed my eyes. Dragging in a deep breath, my chest expanded. I held it and
then let it go. Kelsey’s scent colored my thoughts. My mind raced. Maintaining
the pattern of breath, I forced everything out of my head but an awareness of Kelsey.
Slow in. Hold. Push out.
Slow in. Hold. Push out.
The AC hit its prearranged goal and clicked off, the sudden blanket of
silence snapping my spine straight and interrupting my breathing. My eyes
flashed open, and I waited for my spiking pulse to level off before starting over.
The creepy silence curled around me, and pushing it away took longer than
anticipated. Eventually my thoughts cleared and with frustrating slowness the mental path to the secret spot in my mind took shape. The delay wasn’t
unexpected considering the lack of use and a whole shitload of denial piled on top of it.
Once uncovered, I followed it down beyond memories, both good and bad,
until I reached the end. On the never-ending horizon of my mind, a towering wall loomed. For a moment I stood and stared. Buried behind the formidable barrier of my subconscious pulsed a strange energy, the one thing in this world
guaranteed to turn me into a blathering idiot.
Bracing myself, I began tearing the wall down. Piece by piece, I demolished
the blocks until the entire subconscious structure shuddered and collapsed. I opened my eyes, careful to keep my focus on my lap and my sense of Kelsey foremost in my mind. I braced and looked up, only to flinch.
Yep, definitely missed a few things.
The past replayed like a crazy barrage of scattered, silent-film images,
layered in moments of time. The confusing whirlwind scouring gouges in my heart. This house held so many memories of those I loved and each one played
out in snatches of stolen time, one memory on top of another, creating a visual
pandemonium. Some were faint, while others shoved forward only to be pulled
