“I know,” he replied, “but maybe it's too much to ask. She's been so hurt for

so long. Perhaps she finally reached her limit. Who are we to say she's being selfish? She's already endured more than anyone should have to. It might be asking more than she has to give.”

“Do you want her to 'fade' Christopher?” his mother demanded, fresh anger

flaring.

“Of course not,” he replied, “but I can't choose for her.”

“Do you understand, son, that if she dies, your child dies with her?”

“Yes, Mother. I understand. I would lose them both.” His breath shuddered in

his throat.

“And then we would lose you, wouldn't we, son?”

Christopher didn't answer.

“Damn you, Katerina, wake up.” Julia shook the girl's arm sharply.

“Enough, Mother. Enough. Please, just go.”

Unable to think of anything else to say or do, Julia walked unsteadily down

to the parlor where she cuddled up with her husband and wept.

Christopher crawled into the bed beside Katerina and slid his arm under her, cradling her. He turned her towards him.

With his free hand, he traced the curve of her cheek, the fullness of her lip,

the line of her nose. She's so beautiful, like an angel. I love her with every fiber of my being, and I will lose her. I'm already losing her. How can I live without this woman who warmed my life, my body, and my heart? The future stretched before him, cold and empty.

“Don't go away, love,” he begged her. “Don't go where I can't find you.

Come back.”

Tears fell and splashed on her face.

Katerina had been wrapped in a silver mist for the longest time. She burrowed into it like a comforting blanket and hid. If she emerged from the shadows, something so horrible, so excruciating awaited her that she would die in agony.

Better just to let go slowly. Nothing hurts here, in the mist, in the darkness.

Hunger didn't bite at her and pain didn't assault her. She was numb and content

to remain so until numbness dissolved into death. Yes. That's the way to go. Just slowly release life. Release. It was easy to die. Simple. She was vaguely aware of people talking around her, trying to encourage her to engage, but she could ignore them as easily as a housefly buzzing against a windowpane. What does their struggle have to do with me? Nothing.

Something wet hit her cheek. She had been bathed enough times and could

ignore it, but this was not bathing. Another drop splashed on her skin. It's like warm rain. What is this? Curiosity awakened within the mist. She wanted to know what was happening. The darkness would still be there if she roused herself for a second, just to understand. Another drop. Another rained on her.

She struggled to engage, to move up through the numbness back into her

body and into awareness. There are arms holding me. I know these arms, but how? They mean something. They've held me before, and it was always good.

She emerged more fully into reality and saw the face. Handsome, chiseled

face, scruffy, unshaven, eyes tightly shut, tears dripping from beneath the lids onto her.

He was crying. Crying on her. The hot rain of his tears fell, streaking across

her skin and burning her. They forced her to increasing awareness. I know this man, know his body, his heart and soul

The darkness beckoned, receding. If she wanted to withdraw with it, she

needed to do it now, because life was taking hold of her again. She could feel it.

It would hurt. She didn't want to hurt. She wanted peace.

But why is he crying? What made this beautiful man so sad?

She retreated, or she tried, but his voice tempted her back as he sobbed one

word over and over. “Katerina, Katerina.”

That's my name. Is he crying over me?

Despite her desire for oblivion, she couldn't leave him in such pain. She tried

to think of a word that would help. What is it?

“Christopher?” her voice sounded rusty and harsh. The darkness retreated

further. She tried to hold onto it, but it slipped away from her.

Silver eyes opened and seemed to spear into her soul, snaring her and

anchoring her to reality. “Kat?”

She had to choose. The darkness would soon be gone, leaving her stranded

here where everything hurt. But here also was Christopher, hurting and crying.

How can I leave him in such pain?