Dinner is waiting in her room when we return. It has been arranged for us to eathere, as it always is on days like these, and once again I could ask for no more.
The people here take care of everything. They are good to me, and I amthankful. The lights are dimmed, the room is lit by two candles on the tablewhere we will sit, and music is playing softly in the background. The cups andplates are plastic, and the carafe is filled with apple juice, but rules are rules andshe doesn't seem to care. She inhales slightly at the sight. Her eyes are wide.
"Did you do this?"
I nod and she walks in the room.
"It looks beautiful."
I offer my arm in escort and lead her to the window. She doesn't release it when weget there. Her touch is nice, and we stand close together on this crystal springtimeevening. The window is open slightly, and I feel a breeze as it fans my cheek. The moonhas risen, and we watch for a long time as the evening sky unfolds.
"I've never seen anything so beautiful, I'm sure of it, "
she says, and I agree with her.
"I haven't, either," I say, but I am looking at her. She knows what I mean, and ! seeher smile. A moment later she whispers:
"I think I know who Allie went with at the end of the story," she says.
"You do?"
"Who?"
"She went with Noah." "You're sure?" "Absolutely."
I smile and nod. "Yes, she did," I say softly, and she smiles back. Her face is radiant.
I pull out her chair with some effort. She sits and I sit opposite her. She offers herhand across the table, and I take it in mine, and I feel her thumb begin to move asit did so many years ago. Without speaking, ! stare at her for a long time, livingand reliving the moments of my life, remembering it all and making it real. I feel
my throat begin to tighten, and once again I realize how much I love her. My voiceis shaky when I finally speak.
"You're so beautiful," I say. I can see in her eyes that she knows how I feet about herand what I really mean by my words. She does not respond. Instead she lowers hereyes and I wonder what she's thinking.
She gives me no clues, and I gently squeeze her hand. I wait. With all my dreams,I know her heart, and I know I'm almost there.
And then, a miracle that proves me right.
As Glenn Miller plays softly in a candlelit room, I watch as she gradually gives into the feelings inside her. I see a warm smile begin to form on her lips, the kindthat makes it all worthwhile, and I watch as she raises her hazy eyes to mine. Shepulls my hand toward her.
"You're wonderful... ," she says softly, trailing off, and at that moment she falls inlove with me, too; this I know, for I have seen the signs a thousand times. She saysnothing else right away, she doesn't have to, and she gives me a look from anotherlifetime that makes me whole again. I smile back, with as much passion as I canmuster, and we stare at each other with the feelings inside us rolling like oceanwaves. I look around the room, then up to the ceiling, then back at Allie, and the wayshe's looking at me makes me warm. And suddenly I feel young again. I'm no longercold or aching, or hunched over or deformed, or almost blind with cataract eyes. I'mstrong and proud, and the luckiest man alive, and I keep on feeling that way for a longtime across the table.
By the time the candles have burned down a third, I am ready to break the silence.
I say, "I love you deeply, and I hope you know that."
"Of course I do," she says breathlessly. "I've always loved you, Noah."
Noah, I hear again. Noah. The word echoes in my head. Noah... Noah. She knows, Ithink to myself, she knows who I am .... She knows ....
Such a tiny thing, this knowledge, but for me it is a gift from God, and I feel ourlifetime together, holding her, loving her, and being with her through the best yearsof my life.
She murmurs, "Noah... my sweet Noah..." And I, who could not accept the doctor'swords, have triumphed again, at least for a moment. I give up the pretense ofmystery, and I kiss her hand and bring it to my cheek and whisper in her ear. I say:
"You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me."
"Oh . . . Noah," she says with tears in her eyes, "I love you, too."
If only it would end like this, I would be a happy man.
But it won't. Of this I'm sure, for as time slips by, I begin to see the signs of concernin her face.
"What's wrong?" I ask, and her answer comes softly.
"I'm so afraid. I'm afraid of forgetting you again. It isn't fair... I just can't bearto give this up."
Her voice breaks as she finishes, but I don't know what to say. I know theevening is coming to an end, and there is nothing I can do to stop the inevitable.
In this I am a failure. I finally tell her:
"I'll never leave you. What we have is forever."
She knows this is all I can do, for neither of us wants empty promises. But I can tellby the way she is looking at me that once again she wishes there were more. Thecrickets serenade us, and we begin to pick at our dinner. Neither one of us ishungry, but I lead by example and she follows me. She takes small bites andchews a long time, but I am glad to see her eat. She has lost too much weight inthe past three months.
After dinner, I become afraid despite myself. I know I should be joyous, for thisreunion is the proof that love can still be ours, but I know the bell has tolled thisevening. The sun has long since set and the thief is about to come, and there isnothing I can do to stop it. So I stare at her and wait and live a lifetime in theselast remaining moments.
Nothing.
The clock ticks.
