Doug Collins paced the floor of his small apartment in New York City, his eyes drawn repeatedly to the pile of papers on his desk. Two hundred sheets, stacked neat and square, title page on top.
Stepping closer, he loomed over his work. Not the usual fare for a playwright, this novel--but it was finally complete. Finished. His fist came down hard on the manuscript. Finished? Then where was the satisfaction he longed for? Where was the closure? He stroked the top page in atonement and smiled ruefully.
Closure? Not with that title:
STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART…
…a love story in search of an ending…
He and Jen. How could the story’s inspiration be anyone else?
Jennifer Grace Delaney. She was either his inspiration or his albatross. While students together at Boston University, she’d been the quiet girl in the back of the English class who’d captured his heart with her first essay--writing filled with pain, strength, and wrapped in love. Goosebumps had covered his skin as he’d read her words aloud to the class in a random exchange of student essays.
They covered him now, as he recalled their honesty. But she’d hated that class.
Said personal stories belonged in a private diary, not exposed to a bunch of strangers. She’d stick to numbers.
She’d loved him, too. Believed in him. They’d planned a future…at least he’d thought they had…but in the end, she wouldn’t leave her siblings.
His breath jerked at the memory. They could have had the perfect life: Wall
Street for Jen; Broadway for him. Or rather off-off Broadway back then. Serious theater. He’d lined up a bartending job at night, too. He’d thought Jen was onboard.
But on the day after graduation, she’d met him in Boston Common with shadowed eyes and a forced smile.
“What’s wrong, Henny-Penny?”
Avoiding his gaze, she’d said, “I’m not good at beating around the bush, so I’ll just come out with it.” She’d finally looked at him. “I’ve taken the position with Fidelity here in Boston. I can’t leave my family. I can’t move to New York.”
He stared, frozen. “How could you make such an important decision without discussing it first—with me? We’re the two that count here.”
“I know,” she said softly, “but I couldn’t take the chance that you’d change my mind. I’m so torn inside. I want to go, but I just can’t leave Lisa to manage everything. The boys are a teenage handful and Emily…well, you know sweet Em. Still not the most confident kid on the block.”
Her generous heart. He loved her for it, but… “Sometimes, Jen, loyalty can go too far. Your big sister’s not alone. There are two adults in that house.”
Her mouth wobbled, and she reached for his hand. “Technically, yes. But Mike and Lisa…? I don’t know. Something’s not right between them. I can feel it. I’m uneasy. They leave notes for each other and don’t talk. Mike comes home late often, and I think he’s out with his team, hitting some clubs. He never used to do that. He and Lisa…”
She paused, and he saw her gasp for breath.
“…seem to be living two separate lives in one house. I don’t know what’s happened or what’s going to happen, and I-I just can’t leave my brothers and sisters now. They’re too young. They need me.”
Silence pulsed against his ears. “Have you spoken with Lisa directly?”
“I can’t,” she whispered. “Lisa’s so private. She thinks she’s protecting us. And really, their marriage isn’t my business. Mike’s been very good to me. To all of
us.” She shrugged. “It’s just…he’s gone so often during the season, and now he’s gone at night in the off-season. All I know is that Lisa’s got too much on her plate.”
“All marriages have tough times. They’ll work it out.”
“Maybe so,” she admitted, “but I know what I see and feel. Threads are fraying--
again. She rose from their bench and gazed into the distance. “The timing is wrong for us. But maybe we can find some weekends to visit. It’s a short flight, right?” She faced him again, her eyes welling. “Maybe when the kids are older, I’d feel better about leaving them. Please, Doug, please don’t argue with me.”
Damn! Was she just going to fold like that? She was twenty-two now, a college graduate. An adult.
“What about us, Jen? An occasional weekend is not a real life! You’re entitled to your freedom.”
Her chin had come up, the threat of tears gone, her violet eyes now almost sizzling black. “Am I really? After everything she’s given up for us--me and the little ones? I-I can’t leave her to cope alone. I’m the next oldest. I love them, and I…owe them!”
His blood ran hot, but his stomach knotted in cold fear. If he was going to lose this argument, he wouldn’t go down easy.
“Can’t leave them or won’t? Tell me, Jen, for how many years does the accident reverberate? For how many years is it allowed to control you? You’re the math genius, so what’s the answer?”
She froze for a moment, then cupped his cheek. “You already know the answer,”
she whispered. “Deep inside…that place where truth lives.”
He flinched now as he recalled her words. His words. He’d used them on her after reading that essay, the one that had blown him away.
Now the tears ran down her cheek as she spoke. “I’m so sorry, Doug. I’m sorry for us both. But my family has to come first. The Delaney siblings either stick together or fall. That’s what I’ve learned. If we’d been separated back then, after the accident…well, we wouldn’t have survived, not as a family.” She kissed him
quickly. “It won’t be forever. Maybe one day, you’ll be able to write again in Boston. We’ll talk on the phone. We’ll visit on weekends.”
He knew she was grasping for a thread of salvation, but he was, too. “I love you, Jen. Don’t disappear on me.”
Then she’d kissed him and run off, leaving him to stare in disbelief.
He rubbed his damp forehead as the image of a racing Jennifer, long hair flying, remained in his mind’s eye. The emotions remained, too. Love, disappointment, anger, frustration—he’d wanted to smash something. Writing a scene, he’d discovered, was a hell of a lot easier than living through one.
