Crap. She reached for his hand, but he held them both securely in his lap, out of reach. Sheâd miscalculated. He wasnât fearful; he was insulted. Cold settled into the inches between them, which felt like a chasm. Brian receded to his side of the bed, closing himself off. Frustration, rather than regret, fizzled in her chest.
âSo, Hannah? Whatâs in it for me?â His voice dripped with sarcasm, each word dipped in cruelty. âI mean, besides the opportunity to check the divorced box for the rest of my life.â
âWow.â She refused to cry. Let him be mean and get it all out. There was no going back from her request. She hadnât thought that when sheâd made it, but the answer was always going to be âyesâ or âno.â Either one changed everything irrevocably.
âThis idea of yours is no way to start a marriage even if we were close to ready, which weâre not.â
âYouâre not ready,â she said, finding herself exhilarated. They didnât fight like this. Brian usually disappeared or walked away. But this was real. She felt it down to her toes.
âNo, Iâm not. And more to the point, I donât want to marry you right now.â Brian was on a roll and, it seemed, had no intention of leaving well enough alone. Hannah tuned him out until his voice reached his tiradeâs crescendo. ââbetween your job and Kate andââ Hannah knew the next word out of his mouth would be the deal-breaker. Sheâd known it since the first time he came to her apartment. ââBinx.â
âIf you didnât treat him with complete disdain, he might like you better.â Hannah stood and flipped on the light. She reached for her clothes folded on the dresser, changing back into her jeans.
âBinx doesnât like anyone thatâs not you.â
Brian stayed in bed, which only made Hannah angrier. She clasped her bra behind her back underneath her cami, knowing she had the hooks uneven but unwilling to be even partially naked in front of him. She couldnât look at his calm, complacent face anymore, but it was nearly one in the morning. It was going to be hard enough getting a taxi during peak hours, and she definitely wasnât taking the subway. She put her T-shirt on over her cami and fumbled with her phone as she slid into her sneakers. The Uber wait time was ten minutes. She didnât know what she was supposed to do until then, but anything was better than staying there.
âHannah, itâs the middle of the night. We can talk about all this in the morning.â
Brian, her beautiful idiot, thought he could say awful thingsâinsult her best friend and her job and her catâand theyâd just talk about it in the morning. âYou just told me you donât want to marry me and basically hate everything that is important in my life. There is nothing left to talk about. Really, Brian, we shouldâve had this conversation a year ago. It wouldâve saved us so much time.â
âI said I didnât want to marry you right now.â He finally got to his feet and crossed the small space, wrapping his hand around her wrist.
âWell,â she said, pulling her arm back. âThereâs someone who does.â
Chapter 5 Will
Holy shit. Sheâd actually called. It wouldâve been better had it not been almost two in the morning. Will had already been asleep for hours at that point. But Hannah had called, and there was no way he wasnât heading directly to her apartment. If he didnât know Hannah so wellâor at least, he hoped he still knew herâhe would be expecting a booty call. But Hannah Abbott was not a booty-call type of girl. Plus, he was pretty sure proposing with a huge diamond ring disqualified him from such debauchery. Getting to Queens is a money suck, but at least there wonât be trafâhe stopped his thought midsentence. He was going to jinx it. Now there would be overnight, all-lanes-closed construction on whatever bridge the cabbie took.
âWill, hold on!â Hannahâs voice came through loudly over the phone.
He stopped halfway into a pair of jeans, the phone snugly fitting between his ear and shoulder. âYes?â
âCome in the morning. Say, eight?â She sounded exhausted, and it was from more than being up at one in the morning. He wondered what had happened since he saw her last night. Had he caused the fatigue in her voice?
âIâll bring breakfast. The usual?â Will waited to see if sheâd laugh or replace her standard Sunday-morning order from the three years they had shared that meal.
Her reply was light and appreciative. âThe usual, but no sugar.â
âEight it is, then.â He fell back onto his bed, kicking his way out of his jeans, grateful he didnât actually have to get to Queens and be a coherent, persuasive human.
âGood night, Will.â
Six hours. In six hours, he could have a fiancĂ©e. Once they discussed the details, sheâd said. He smiled to himself, burrowing back into bed. Hannah had always been a step ahead. She was astute enough to know that Will hadnât asked on a complete whim. He shouldâve thought the proposal through more. But then he wouldnât have done it. He wouldâve stayed quiet as he had for the past several years, silently watching Hannahâs life flourish. It wasnât that he hadnât missed herâhe had. But he couldnât be around her and not love her, which had become highly problematic for all his relationships. But then thereâd been Madison. Sheâd made him see past Hannah and want to love someone else. So he had let Hannah go, fallen in love, and done everything right. He had made peace with the Hannah-shaped hole in his life. Those things happenedâcollege friendships stayed in college, people grew up and apart, life went on. And it had. Until four months ago, when Madison had quite literally screwed everything up.
When heâd come out of his vodka-induced haze a month ago, he had found himself a thirty-year-old man whose life was on the brink of destructionâhis girlfriend gone, his family ties strained, and his job dangling from a tightrope. After a full week of no booze or other vices, heâd woken from a dream of Hannahâa memory, really. In the dream, Hannah had slipped her hand into his, running her fingers through his hair. It had been sophomore year before heâd realized his feelings for her. She had leaned in ever so slightly, and he jumped down from his stool to greet one of his fraternity brothers and to flirt with some other girl. Lila? Lilly? A month later, Hannah was dating some asshat from the baseball team. If Will remembered correctly, the two had met that same night over a game of beer pong. But she had liked Will first. That was the important part of the dream. All these years, he had secretly loved her. Maybe she loved him back.
Will jumped as his phone vibrated on his bedside table. His heart quickened a bit at the second vibration. Hannah? No, of course not.
âStop calling me, Madison,â he said without bothering to hide his contempt.
âI will if you let me come over.â Madison was whispering. Somewhere along the line, sheâd gotten the idea that whispering was sexy. Heâd tried explaining to her several times that it was dropping your voice, not whispering, that denoted sexiness. But still, she whispered. It also meant that her fiancĂ© was home.
âNo.â
âI miss you, William.â
Maybe she meant it, maybe not. Their breakup, her infidelity, and then her constant attempts at an affair had blurred the lines of the truth too much for him to know who she wanted. Either way, it didnât matter.
âYouâre marrying my brother.â Â
âThat didnât stop you before,â she said, a hint of amusement coloring her tone.
He ran his hand over his face. It had been one moment of weakness. Everything that had happened between the three of them had been so fresh. His wounds had not yet cauterized and were constantly reopening at the seams. When she had appeared in his doorway, looking like the woman he loved, it had been as if he willed her into existence. The whole night had been a mistake, one of the worst of his life. It sent him spiraling, and he had only just figured out how to slow it all down again. But even with his resistance and the physical distance from Madison, the night they had shared after sheâd chosen his brother lived with him, in the farthest corners of his mind, haunting him with its injustice.
âI canâtâno, Madison,â he said, the sudden wrongness of even this phone call hitting him. It wasnât that he couldnât be a part of the infidelity, but that he didnât want to be. Not anymore. âStop calling.â
He hung up then threw his phone onto his nightstand. She would call back and might even show up at his place. Madison wasnât used to being denied. But he would not be party to her antics, especially now. He conjured an image of Hannah in his mind. For the first time, she appeared as a thriving and talented grown woman. An inquisitive, worried, and yet slightly intrigued expression played across her features, each emotion battling for equal ground. He closed his eyes, willing sleep to come. Tomorrow, life might begin anew.
Chapter 6Hannah
A leftover tidbit of half-and-half floated in Hannahâs coffee mug, resisting all attempts at removal. Meeting at eight in the morning had been ambitious. For two nights, sheâd barely slept, and now she was supposed to be making life-changing decisions. She rubbed her face. Calling Will had been a gut reaction. Sheâd been pissed at Brian and herself and filled with disappointment. Marrying Will was ludicrous, but as long as his reasons checked out, she was going to do it anyway. Hannahâs stomach lurched. Why had she said eight in the morning?
At least the kitchen was cleaner than in recent weeks. Last night, before getting the brilliant idea to hide from her thoughts with Brian, sheâd cleaned practically the whole apartment after work. Screw spring cleaning. Stress cleaning had a much better success rate. She eyed the refrigerator, scanning the assorted photos for any remaining of her and Brian. Instead, she found the Wilderness tickets still stuck in the clip. They had to be returned. It grated at her nerves. Brian would get no use out of them, except maybe through scalping. His delicate sensibilities probably made âscalpingâ a dirty word. So maybe she was still angry. She smiled into her coffeeâbetter angry than bawling. Maybe sheâd keep them and take Will. The concert was in a few months; it could be their honeymoon. Did a marriage of convenience get a honeymoon? Probably not, but an island vacation didnât sound so bad. No parents, no work, no responsibilities. Yeah, she could definitely use a honeymoon.
The clock on her phone flashed eight, and at the same time came that distinctive knock. She shouldâve recognized it on Thursday. Will had come up with a coded knock for Hannah and Kate their junior year. It let the girls know they had approximately thirty seconds to get decent before he came in. Hannah and Kate had come up with funny retorts to the knock that year, but she couldnât remember any. She stopped in front of the door, gripping her coffee mug, and took a calming breath. If she opened the door, her path would divert from the expected. She could turn down the offer, nullify the pact, but underneath all the apprehension, a spark of excitement remained. Marriage was always a crapshoot. Maybe if more people thought it through practically instead of emotionally, fewer marriages would fail. Maybe she and Will were batshit crazy.
She shook her head, smiling. Only one way to find out.
Standing outside her door, a tray of coffees in one hand and a brown bag with what she hoped was an egg everything bagel with a veggie smear in the other, Will looked like a memory. He greeted her warmly, but the set of his shoulders, the tightness in his cheeks, and the dulling brown of his usually bright eyes showed his anxiety. Whatever Hannah felt for Willânostalgia, love, or attractionâthe rambling hello he offered as he handed her the coffee intensified those feelings. The Will she knew didnât get rattled or nervous. Even with their former closeness, Hannah had only been granted glimpses behind the veil. But proposing couldnât be easy, and most guys at least had years of a stable relationship backing them up. Will was flying by on his looks and the goodwill of old memories.
He stopped in the kitchen doorway, still clutching the paper bag. His eyes darted around the small space, stopping on Hannah every so often as she reached for plates and mugs. Every time their gazes met, she looked away, focusing on the plates, setting the table, or carefully pouring her coffee from the cheap paper cup into her mug. But she could still feel his gaze each time it passed over her. One of them had to say something. The conversation needed to be had, or it would be like this foreverâawkward, confused, and energized. He had proposed. It should probably be him. But then again, she called him here. Hannah turned to him, ready to start the spiel sheâd spent too much of the last hour going over, reminding herself that it was Will and a wedding, not peace talks between warring nations.
âYou look like hell, Abbott,â he said, his true smile finally appearing. âWhatâs on your mind?â
She leaned across the table over the egg everything bagel with vegetable cream cheese. âWell, you see, this long-lost friend showed up at my door the other night with an engagement ring. Things got a bit murky after that.â
âLong-lost? Really?â He leaned forward as well. They mirrored each other from across the table, elbows against the hard surface, hands clasped in front of them, and expressions sarcastic.
Hannah rolled her eyes. They really were idiots. âLast time I saw you, you were dancing the horah at a wedding. If Iâm not mistaken, you left with one of the bridesmaids before cake and didnât even say goodbye.â
For a moment, his expression turned pensive, but then he smiled. âIâll have you know I dated Valerie for three solid months.â
Hannah held up her hands. At least he knew her name. âFine. An old friend turned up at my doorstep the other night with an engagement ring.â She toasted him with half of her bagel.