Istared out into the half-empty rink, the floor a spectacle of neon glittery lights, trying to ignore the electric hum of worry under my skin. Nik sent a text earlier saying he’d let me know when he was on his way.
He was ten minutes late.
I checked my phone again. The only message waiting for me was from Mom asking me to come to a dinner they were hosting next week. Mom and I hadn’t hung out in almost three weeks, both of us still too sore from what happened with Ada. We’d suffered through a couple stiff phone calls to catch up, but this was something else.
This was an olive branch.
I sighed and opened my text chat with Nik, staring at the looming time stamp. A sinking mixture of dread cemented in the pit of my stomach, and I slumped back against the wall. For once, I got invested in a hookup, and my head went flying into the clouds, getting filled with a bunch of ideas about getting more serious with Nik.
Who could control where their heart ventured? I couldn’t. At least if this ended now, I wouldn’t have to endure the humiliation of making a complete fool of myself.
Okay, it was time to stop standing at the entrance waiting. With a resigned sigh, I grabbed my in-lines and pushed off the wall. I headed toward an open seat, figuring I may as well make use of my time here since I’d paid for it.
“Micah!”
Nik’s voice pitched over the pounding music near the rink. My pulse kicked up in hope, and I turned around to find Nik jogging to me. Even in a bland pair of joggers and a worn T-shirt, it still made me want to throw him against the wall and kiss the hell out of him.
Nik caught up to me and pulled me into a hug, which was unexpected. Still, I relished the relief of seeing him and wound an arm around his waist, closing my eyes at the familiar feeling of his body against mine.
“Jesus, I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispered against my ear, slightly out of breath. “My therapy appointment went over, and then my phone died, and I was already on the road, and I didn’t want to fish for a charging cable.”
“No worries,” I said, pushing aside my earlier freak-out. Nik stepped back, and now that he was less hidden by the dimmed lighting, I saw the deep circles settled under his red-rimmed eyes, his lips rolled into a thin line. Worry wormed its way back into my stomach again. Something was off.
Nik scrubbed a palm over his face and looked off to the side, his eyes shiny, fingers running over the inside of his elbow. “One of my coworkers has been having a hard time with life, and he quit yesterday. He’d been working hard since he got out of rehab, but then some shit went down, and he wasn’t doing good. All it can take is one bad week and—” He sucked in a breath between his teeth with a sharp shake of his head. “All downhill from there. That’s my worst nightmare. I ain’t got time to mess around with that, so I made an appointment with my therapist.”
I turned away, overwhelmed by the tenderness that swelled in me, slowly raising a dormant part of my heart. Fate was a mischievous jester, but it could be merciful, and it seemed to have been with me finding Nik. He’d been to the rockiest bottom and somehow had clawed his way back to stable ground.
He took that wisdom and gave his time to people who were also struggling. Could there be someone like Nik out there who was that for Ada, who could let her know she wasn’t alone? Would they be able to plant the seed of hope she needed to climb out too?
“Hey,” Nik said, his hand bumping against mine. I turned to him, finding a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m sorry I showed up looking like I walked out of a dumpster fire. We don’t have to do this today if you don’t want to. I can switch shifts with—”
I tapped my finger against his lips and shook my head. “Chill. Thinking about how badass you are doesn’t mean I don’t want to be here with you right now. It’s just hard to think when I’m around you, sometimes.”
Nik’s resulting smile was a resplendent light that could pierce through any wall, and I knew it could because it vanquished any doubt I had about how far gone I was about him.
This feeling wasn’t raw attraction. It wasn’t a driving desire that made me mad to touch and sink my teeth into him.
It was love.
The feeling slammed into my chest, surprised me with its abundance, then rushed through my blood and left me dizzy. Heady and magical, and unlike anything I’d ever felt before. I wanted to paint the sky declaring this revelation, but that would have to happen another day.
Right now, I had Nik in front of me, and I wanted to take advantage of every second I had with him.
I raised my skates and pointed them to the rink. “So, you up for this? If not, we can take a rain check and do a boring dinner and movie.” Nik’s face scrunched up in dislike, and I had to laugh and say, “Or not.”
“You asking me to miss an opportunity for the two of us looking ridiculous? Naw.” He jerked his head toward the skate rental. “Let’s get it.”
Nik made it sound like he was a newbie with skating, but he wasn’t half bad. He soon caught on that I was far from a novice too, and we relaxed and had fun skating around the rink.
After a few laps, Nik tapped my arm, pointed to an exit area, and wheeled off the rink. I followed him into a quiet area with seating tucked away from the music and people.
“What the fuck, are you some secret Olympian or something?” he said in disbelief as he leaned back in the chair, running his fingers through his hair. “You move like a damn figure skater.”
A laugh burst out of me, and I bent over, pressing a hand to my stomach. “You’re giving me way too much credit. I used to ref for the derby team a couple of years ago. We got pretty into the group. It was fun.”
“Is that why you volunteered at the fundraiser?”
“No, actually, Leon caught me after support group and asked me if I could help.”
“Ah,” Nik said with a tone of understanding. “Leon and Toryn have a way of recruiting people in a way that’s too sweet to say no. But it ain’t even fake, it’s for real. They’re good people.”
“Seems like they are.”
We sat back to rest, unconsciously syncing our movements with each other as we bobbed our heads to the music. The lapse in conversation allowed my brain to wander again, memories of going to the rink with Ada so she could practice skating before going to the training sessions for the fresh meat, the evenings when she’d come back to the apartment drenched with sweat and so, so happy.
She was a favorite at the derby after-parties, and I’d never forget the surprise on her face when she scored her first MVP award. Little bits of nostalgia like this caught me off guard, weaseling into a light moment and slashing it in half.
Nik’s arm stretched over the back of my chair, his fingers brushing over my shoulder. “Hey, where’d you drift off to? Looks like you went somewhere unpleasant.”
“Sorry, took a trip down memory lane.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
I stole a glance of him out of the corner of my eye. “Sure, if you’re up for taking on the emotional labor of my woes?”
Nik made a face like I’d asked him to do something insane like climb House Mountain. “Trust me, I don’t offer time I don’t have to people.” His fingers trailed up the back of my neck, weaving through my hair. “I got plenty of time for you.”
Such simple words on their own, but strung together with the rasp of Nik’s voice and his touch, they made it impossible for me not to open up to him. He didn’t take his blue-gray eyes off of me, listening intently.
