Nik’s demeanor had changed when he showed up at the Collective. He walked through the main area and toward the back with the grace of someone who knew this place like his own.
It made him radiate like a star, drawing people into his orbit. There was a confidence in his smile that contained no ego, no worry. He was at home here, and it showed. Witnessing it did weird things to my head and raised questions in my mind I wasn’t entirely certain I wanted to answer.
Until Nik brushed the back of his hand against mine or pressed our shoulders together. Then I knew I was in deep waters, and there was no turning back.
I followed him into a room on the first floor. Rows of chairs, most of which were filled, too up the entire space.
Nik’s low voice breathed into my ear, and his hand slid down my spine. I leaned into his touch, feeling a tickle of hunger for more, but kept my attention on him as he spoke. “There’s a couple of empty seats in the back. This is an important lesson for the training, and so we make sure everyone who’s signed up in the beginning attends.”
I took in the people in the class, people of different ages and genders, their laps holding the weight of their stack of binders and notebooks. The intensity in their eyes was impossible to ignore, a fierce determination burning within each one.
“What happens if someone misses it?” I asked, tilting my head toward Nik.
“Then they start over. Sometimes schedules don’t line up, but we need people here. Missing a class can be detrimental to the program.” Nik guided me to my seat, his eyes searching my face. There was something there I couldn’t quite make out, a worry that tightened in the corners of his eyes.
He wiped his mouth, then peered up front and made eye contact with a man who appeared like he was the one in charge. They exchanged a knowing look, and Nik gave the man in a front a small nod and turned back at me. “I have to go. The session is starting.”
“I’ll make sure to take some notes on my phone so we can discuss it later.”
Nik grinned, and as he pulled away, a trickle of warmth snaked down my spine, growing into a glowing orb that circled around my chest. It still held the usual desire, but it’d expanded into something more complex, much closer to fond affection.
“All right, everyone, we’re going to get started tonight,” the man up front said, pulling out a stool from the corner of the room. “As a part of our training program, we invite someone who has been a part of the Never Alone team to share more personal experience with our hotline.”
Nik shook the man’s hand and sat down on the stool, perching one foot on a footrail. His eyes roved over the class, assessing his audience.
“My name is Nik Ward, and five years ago, I was done with living. Drugs weren’t fun anymore. It was this boring cycle of trying to get the next fix. I knew I was dragging all my people down and wasting their time. My time. Addiction doesn’t care about what you want or your friends or family. Then, one day, I scored dope. But I didn’t know it’d be laced with fentanyl.”
He bit his bottom lip and looked off in the distance, letting the silence hang. “I lived because a friend found me. I lived because I got lucky. When I was in the ICU, I had a lot of time on my hands, and I thought about how most people don’t get that luck. That stuck with me for a long time—in rehab, when I got clean, and got back on my feet again. Took me a while to realize that I wanted other people get a chance at luck too.”
Nik leaned forward and set his elbows on his knees, his eyes falling to the floor. “I’ll be real with y’all. At first, it felt weird to sit on a phone and listen to people to get high. To have to be ready to call 911 in case shit hit the fan. It was hard to learn that just because we’re there with them doesn’t mean they’re all gonna make it.”
Nik’s words hit me square in the gut; I wrapped my arms across my stomach as if I could ward off the impact. When Ada told me about how she started talking to people when she got high, I didn’t consider that as helping her. I’d convinced myself that I was the only one who was desperate for her to live, the only one who cared enough to hear her. If she wanted to live, I needed to listen. But what if I wasn’t her only option? I tuned back in to his words.
“There’s a saying for the active addict that your life course has three possible outcomes: jail, institutionalization, or death.” Nik slid off the stool and tucked his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He looked around the room, his blue-gray eyes unwavering. “Never Alone gives them time for luck to find them like it did me.”
Applause rang out, and the other guy took back over and said they had time for Nik to take a few questions. Hands shot up, and as he comfortably answered them all, there was no hint of the nervousness he’d shown earlier in the day. He was in his element, whether he realized it or not.
And painful as it was, I was rethinking my approach to my sister. Somehow, this stranger I hooked up with a month and a half ago had become a balm to an old wound that I wouldn’t let heal. While the way he’d learned to navigate my body with his hands and mouth was nothing short of mastery, and I was more than willing to continue giving him that same pleasure, he’d become more than a hookup. I realized I wanted to give him more than reciprocal pleasure.
I wanted to give him my heart.
But I was in no way ready to think about that right here, right now.
The noise level around me clued me in that the session had ended. Up front, a group of people were gathered around Nik, still peppering him with questions. He looked up and met my gaze, his eyes tightening briefly in what I interpreted as a plea for help, so I walked over to him.
“I’m so sorry to interrupt.” I aimed the comment in the general direction of those still standing around Nik as I put my hand on his shoulder. “Hey bro, I’ve got to leave. You still riding with me?” He wasn’t, of course, but they didn’t need to know that.
Nik shot me a look of relief. “Yeah, bro, I’m with you.” He looked at the hangers-on and said, “All the information is in the handout you got. I should be here next week if you have more questions. Thanks for being here, but I’ve got to run.”
I turned and headed out to the parking lot, feeling him right behind me. As soon as we got to his car, I lightly pushed him against the door, took his face in both hands, and put my lips on his with a sweetness I didn’t know I possessed.
“What did I do to deserve that?” Nik asked, his eyes heavy-lidded and glassy. “Not that I’m complaining, I’ma just going to pack that away for another time.”
“For being an amazing human being.”
“I don’t know about all that.”
“You give back so much. How do you do it? How do you listen to people use and not go back to it yourself, or become totally depressed because the odds are against most of them ever getting clean?” I knew I’d always listen to Ada, but she was my twin sister. I couldn’t fathom listening to strangers.
Nik pulled me a little closer to him. “Like I said, I got lucky. I have a support system that helps me. Most of the callers . . . they’ve got nothing. They’ve burned everyone in their lives, or they think they have, and I’d rather have a couple of bad days here and there than do nothing and let someone go without having another minute, two minutes, half hour to live.”
I wondered if he’d ever talked to Ada. Maybe he had. I wasn’t ready to connect those dots yet, though, so I buried that thought and grazed the tip of my nose along his jaw, pressing a kiss under his ear. He ground out a small groan between his teeth, his fingers digging deeper into my hips. “We’ve never been on a date, y’know.”
Nik leaned back. Darkness obscured most of his face except for his blue-gray eyes. “Is that something we do now?”
“I’d like it to be. You up for it?”
Instead of answering, Nik cradled my face in his sturdy hands and kissed me, coaxing my mouth open gently by massaging his thumbs over the hinge of my jaw. He took the kiss slow, encouraging my tongue forward, so sensually that it made me groan. Nik didn’t seem to have any interest in stopping, humming happily when I rolled my hips against him, our interested cocks pushing against each other.
After we’d broken away from each other to give ourselves a second to breathe, Nik whispered, his voice a little shaky, “Yeah. I gotta be honest, I’m way out of practice on this. You got any ideas?”
My mind raced to come up with something that wasn’t the usual dinner and a movie. Eventually, I plucked the first thing I could think of. “How do you feel about skating?”
A surprise laugh burst out of Nik. “Like, roller skating at a rink?” When I nodded, he laughed again, bringing about the goofy grin I’d grown to like so much. “I’ve been chaperoning a couple of times for the summer camp kids and I can get around, but I ain’t going to win any awards.”
“This one will be without the worry of kids, so there’s a plus for that.”
“Sounds good. Just give me the details.” A small pout pursed on Nik lips when he said, “I thought you were going to invite me back your place or something.”
