“I’m gonna butcher this, but basically that brokenness can turn into something real beautiful,” Nik said, not breaking focus on the bowl. “Took me a long time to accept that.”
His hand instinctively moved to the dip in his arm covered by the sleeve of a baseball tee, thumb absently tracing a circle. Did he always take measures to conceal his history to protect himself from unnecessary cruelty?
If Ada came out of this, she’d have to contend with the world like that too. I wouldn’t have any wisdom to give her on how to navigate it, and that could lead to her downfall.
Facing Nik, I took in his profile, the slope of his nose, his sharp cheekbones, and full lips. I ran my fingertip down the column of his neck, over the ridge of his collarbone and down his arm, stopping where his hand was covering up his scars.
“You don’t have to tell me anything, but I’d like to know about this,” I said, sliding my finger over each one of his fingers and knuckles. “Whatever it is, I won’t judge. I just want to understand, because maybe if I understand, I won’t—” I gritted my teeth trying to stave off the tremble of my jaw. “Maybe I won’t lose her.”
Nik tilted his head to me, his gaze searching. “Okay. I’ll tell you.”
He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, hands clasped loosely in front of him. His lips rolled into a thin line, and his eyebrows wrinkled together, like he was trying to figure out where to start.
“Almost six years ago, I was in a bad place. Real bad. I’d been in and out of rehab, and I’d lost contact with my family because nothing mattered more than getting fucked up. I started going to the Collective for the support groups because my sponsor said they were good to people there. I think I got referred there because of their mentor program.
“That’s where I met Duncan. He always helped me out when shit got real. Like, every time I lost a job, or I couldn’t get a ride to a meeting, Duncan showed up. He helped me get a job so I could get a spot at a halfway house. Then one day, I lost my job. No job, no room.”
He lifted his arm and pulled up the sleeve, revealing the abused veins I’d seen. There was no dawn obscuring them right now. Nik looked down at them, taking it in like it was the first time he’d shown them, and said, “It’s kinda funny how I spend all this time covering up these scars, but the one that nearly killed me, you can’t see at all.”
“Who found you?” I asked, hushed, worried I’d break the moment if I spoke any louder.
Nik tugged down the sleeve past his elbow. “My friend Chance. His brother and Duncan are best friends, and he was going through some shit too, so Duncan was helping him out. When I went rogue, Chance was the one who found me.”
“Wow,” I whispered.
“Yeah, he’s not an addict, he fights darker shit than that. Being an addict is hard, but you can adjust your life so you’re not around the temptation. Fight against your own mind?” He tapped the tip of my finger against his temple and sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth. “That’s a whole other level.”
“And you got clean after that?”
“I got clean after that,” Nik said. “Sometimes people say shit like I’m so brave or whatever, but I’m not. I just got lucky.”
Luck? How the hell was I supposed to get through to Ada on luck? All my anger from earlier seeped away, and a fresh wave of grief for her rose to the surface. It quaked in my muscles and clenched my lungs until my struggle for oxygen ached in my ribs.
Nik turned his body fully to me, tipped my chin up, and brushed the back of his hand across my cheek, chasing it with a kiss. This wasn’t the kind of thing that I’d ever expect of him. It was too soft, too gentle. But he didn’t stop, continuing to kiss along my jaw and down my neck, sending shivers along my spine.
I tilted back to gain enough room to slot our mouths together. Nik didn’t tease, allowing me to coax his mouth open and letting my tongue in. As my hands ventured under his shirt and my fingernails grazed his sides, a gentle, rumbling moan resonated from the back of his throat.
Before I knew it, I was on my back with my thigh between Nik’s legs, holding onto his hips. We kept that up for a few beats before Nik broke his mouth away and rested his forehead against mine.
“If we keep going, I need to make sure you’re okay,” Nik said, each word breathy and strained. “You’re in the shit right now, and you matter more than me getting off.”
“I’m okay,” I said, and meant it. Nik lifted himself on his elbows until he could get a full look at me. His hair was a riot, his lips red, and his eyes glassy. It was undeniable Nik was hotter than hell like this, but there was a tiny wrinkle of worry settled between his eyebrows, his gaze searching. I leaned up and gave him a slow, filthy kiss, feeling him melt a little.
“Bedroom,” Nik said and slid off me, pulling me up to my feet.
I let him gently guide me to his room, feeling both his desire and his compassion. He couldn’t fix Ada for me, but he could help me escape the torture in my mind for a while with no judgment.
I’d take whatever I could get right now.
NIK
In two minutes, if Walt didn’t clock into work, he was out of a job.
From Duncan’s office I watched the morning crew stock the shelves, keeping my eye on the back entrance of the store. Walt always showed up ten minutes early, always with two cups of gas station swill to get him going for the day. He swore by it.
Now he was nowhere to be found.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the screen. One minute.
“Staring at your phone won’t make him show up,” Duncan said without looking away from whatever he was doing on his laptop.
I rolled my eyes and leaned against the doorway, knowing full well that Duncan was putting on a chill act when he was just as concerned. There wasn’t anything we could do but wait, so I kept an eye on the stock crew as they moved around and stocked the aisles.
“I’m not only buggin’ about Walt. Today I’ve gotta go to the Collective after work because I’m a guest speaker for the hotline training.” My fingers reached up to the crease in my arm and rubbed over the scar tissue.
Duncan appeared at my side, and I stood up straighter. “You’ve been a guest speaker before,” he said.
“For support groups. This—this is huge. These people are gonna be face-to-face with the real stuff. It’s not easy.” I scrubbed a hand over my face. “I don’t know, bro, I just don’t want to fuck it up.”
The side entrance door through clicked, halting our conversation. Walt stepped inside and headed toward the employee room, his moves sluggish, like he was about to fall asleep standing up. A sudden chill shot down my neck and to my knees.
Did Walt fall off the wagon?
Muttering an excuse about checking on the crew, I left the office, making a point of closing the door. It was unlikely that Duncan didn’t already suspect it, but he wasn’t in the habit of firing people based on suspicions.
Walt slowly turned to me, and I my breath hitched. Dark circles had settled under his dark bloodshot eyes, his lips pulled tightly into a frown, the hard demeanor I knew gone. The man looked like he was about to burst into tears.
