Nik leaned closer, and the heat in his eyes had my breath hitching. He whispered, “You know how you said it’s hard to think when you’re around me sometimes?” He tightened his fingers in my hair little more. “Yeah, I feel that about you too. Hard.”
His voice was both playful and sweet, so I couldn’t resist the urge to lean in and steal a kiss. He chased after me when I pulled away, placing his hand on my chest so the sensation of his touch mixed with the sensation of his kiss on my lips. Suddenly, I needed to be someplace more private with him, so I asked, “Wanna come back to my place? We could watch Netflix and order Chinese to go.”
Nik wetted his lips, fingers crawling up to my collarbone. “Yeah, sounds dope. But just so you know, I don’t put out on the first date.”
I huffed out a laugh and shook my head, leaning in for another lingering kiss. “I wouldn’t dare assume,” I murmured, our foreheads pressed together.
We walked together toward the parking lot, and with each step, the overwhelming rush of adoration and love swelled inside of me. I pulled it close to me, cradling it against my chest, wondering if Nik felt the same. A part of me wanted to keep this wonderful feeling selfishly close, so I didn’t mention it.
NIK
“If you come in and talk to Duncan, I know he’ll put you back on a probation period,” I said, leaning against my car in Sunrise’s parking lot, holding back my urge to push. Walt had been on the phone with me for the last twenty minutes, and I could tell he wasn’t sober. What he was on I had no fucking idea, but he was definitely messed up.
I was supposed to be on my way to Micah’s already, but I didn’t want to let Walt go when he was like this. No one had heard a peep from him in days, and if I let him go now, we might never hear from him again.
“C’mon, you know that’s not how it works. It’s not how it works ever. You mess up, and then people cut ya off,” Walt said, his gravelly voice rumbling through the line. “I wanted to show I could get better. I wanted to prove to my kids I was worthy to be their father, and—ah, hang on a second.”
Walt started talking to someone, but the conversation was muffled. I poked a finger in my other ear, straining to figure out where the hell he was.
I kept him on the line and listened. The sharp wit of the person I’d grown to respect had dulled. Walt was the kinda dude who had a personality that would take up the entire room, and people loved it. He didn’t have a single gripe with anyone at work, and everyone there had a bone to pick.
“You ever think maybe it’s better to not get clean?” Walt asked, his voice wobbly. “Everything I touch turns to rot. Maybe . . . maybe this is how it was all meant to be.”
My throat hurt from holding back tears. Every addict felt that way at some point, but I knew from his tone that his words were a red flag. One so bright I knew all it would take was one wrong turn and Walt would be permanently gone.
He continued to talk, but I could barely hear him over the sudden burst of voices in the background. Fuck it, if they got him off the line, at least I tried.
“Hey, why don’t you tell me where you’re at and we can hang out?”
Walt huffed a dark laugh. “Relax. I’m not doing that shit. I just hit up an old dive I used to go to, okay? I won’t do anything stupid.”
I tilted my head up to the sky, the head of the sun baking into my skin. “Are you drinking?”
“Don’t you pull that judgment with me, son,” Walt said with enough bite that I winced. “I could be out on the streets picking up whatever the fuck I wanted. At least I’m not doing that.”
I bit my tongue to stop me from snapping back. The slippery slope back into using always started with bargaining. Drinking was better than pills, which was better than snorting coke, which was better than shooting meth. In the end, it all came out the same in the wash.
“But you’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” I asked. “You’re thinking about going down to the street and scoring. All it takes is one choice.”
The answering silence was enough for me to push forward. “Let’s meet up. We can talk about this more. I can even take you to my support group tomorrow.”
“Sure,” Walt said, his tone detached. I knew immediately that I’d lost him. “Hey, I gotta go, but I’ll call you soon, and we can talk about that more.”
He hung up before I got another word in. A part of me wanted to go and scout every fucking bar Walt ever mentioned in passing, but I knew that doing it wouldn’t amount to anything. All I could do was keep my line open and wait for his call.
I shot a text to Micah letting him know that I was on my way. It was easy to distract myself from my conversation with Walt by driving, humming along to the radio, and keeping an eye on traffic. It made me crave Micah’s presence, and the closer I got to his apartment, the more excited I was to see him.
When I started walking toward his apartment, I knew something was wrong. Micah’s door was cracked open, and a woman was screaming.
“Micah, tell me now where the fuck my shit is or I am going to rip this entire place apart, I swear—” The door was yanked open, revealing a woman who shared Micah’s raven hair and icy blue eyes. There was no mistaking who she was.
To someone else, she may have looked tired, but I could see in the hollow of her cheeks and the deadness in her eyes that she was strung-out.
“Who the fuck are you?” Ada said, turning to Micah and pointing at me. “Who the fuck is this?”
“Nik,” I said, extending my hand. Ada looked at my hand and rolled her eyes, breathing out a curse before disappearing back into the apartment.
Micah heaved an exhausted sigh and covered his eyes. “Sorry, she showed up and was causing a scene outside, so I had to let her in.”
“No need to apologize,” I said, heading into the apartment. Micah’s hand shot out, and he yanked me back. There was alarm in his eyes, like he was scared to let me inside.
“I don’t think you should see this,” he whispered, the fear bubbling in the back of his throat.
I gently pulled his hand off my arm and raised it up to kiss his palm. “You trust me?” Micah pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and nodded. “Then I ain’t going anywhere. Whatever’s inside, there isn’t anything I haven’t seen or done before.”
He allowed me to come in just as something crashed against a wall, and he practically sprinted toward the sound. I looked around and shook my head at the disarray Ada had left in her wake. It wouldn’t do any good to start trying to straighten things up now, so I went into the kitchen to find something to do while I waited out the storm.
“I can’t believe you got rid of my things,” Ada said, sounding on the verge of tears.
“As I’ve said before, I didn’t get rid of your things. I put them in storage,” Micah said with an exhausted sigh that made me wince. I’d heard that same tone out of my own brother, like he knew if he gave me any more rope, he’d only be hangin’ himself.
“Yeah, and you didn’t tell me,” Ada said, anger picking up some gas again, a cue for another blowout about to happen. I opened the cupboard where Micah kept his glasses and pulled out two mugs.
“Ada, how am I supposed to tell you when you leave me on read and turn off your location? Can’t you see I’m not trying to fuck you over? I want to get you help so you can get better.”
“No, what you want is for me to be someone I can’t be anymore. You say you love me, but you don’t. You love a ghost, Micah. That’s what you love.”
