Darla couldn’t help but feel disappointed for Ros, but she put on her best smile for Cameron because he was her friend too. ‘Then that’s grand and I’m very happy for you.’

‘Cheers,’ he said, giving her a brief hug.

‘I’m really sorry,’ repeated Darla for the umpteenth time. They were sitting on Ros’s sofa clutching empty mugs. She’d felt compelled to tell Ros about the Cameron and Gina situation because she didn’t want her harbouring any false hope, especially as she felt Ros had been putting off the break-up and enjoying playing house with Cameron a fraction too much.

‘It’s not your fault,’ said Ros looking sanguine. ‘It’s fine. I’m fine. It was always only a business arrangement and it would, quite frankly, be weird if we strayed outside of those boundaries.’

‘That’s a good way to look at it,’ said Darla. ‘Are you any closer to working out how you and Cameron are going to end things?’

‘No, it’s a bit of a tricky subject.’

‘Right,’ said Darla, rolling her sleeves up. ‘Get that flip chart out. I’ll break you two up.’

‘Thanks, I think,’ said Ros, drifting off to her bedroom.

When Cameron came home thirty minutes later they had quite a list.

‘Hiya,’ he said. ‘What have we got here?’ he asked, putting down his satchel and joining them both at the flip chart.

‘Fifty ways to leave your lover,’ sang Darla. When that got no response she pointed to the header on the chart. ‘Fifty reasons to split up,’ said Darla, feeling quite proud of herself.

‘But we’ve not reached fifty yet. It’s quite hard,’ said Ros.

Cameron scanned the list. ‘They’re good and everything, but for each of these one of us has to take the blame.’ He pointed to the list and read aloud. ‘Cameron is cheating on Ros. Ros is too busy at work and has no time for Cameron. Cameron has got an infectious disease and Ros doesn’t want to catch it. They’re all like that.’

‘Apart from these two.’ Darla tapped the board near the bottom.

‘Either Ros and Cameron are incompatible sexually or they’re allergic to each other,’ he read out. ‘I’m not sure we’d be telling anyone the first one even if it was the reason. And allergic to each other? Not very likely. Is it even a real thing?’ he asked and looked between the two women. Darla nodded as Ros firmly shook her head.

‘Cameron’s right,’ said Ros. ‘I don’t think there’s a way to do this without one of us taking the blame. I guess as this was my idea it should be me.’

‘Actually it was my idea,’ said Darla.

‘Then I definitely blame you,’ said Cameron with a smile. ‘Could we say we were in a threesome but we both wanted Darla so we agreed that nobody would have anybody?’

‘No,’ said Darla and Ros together.

There was a lull while they all perused the board. Cameron held up a finger as if he’d had a flash of inspiration. ‘Whilst I would have liked to have kept in touch with Barry, I think you should blame me for the break-up. Nothing too awful though, please,’ he said.

‘Why?’ asked Ros.

‘Because you’re his daughter and I don’t like the thought of him thinking you did something wrong. And you don’t want him to badger you to fix it. So it has to be me.’

Ros squeezed his shoulder. ‘Thanks, that’s a gallant thing to do.’

‘You know me,’ said Cameron with a shrug.

‘I do,’ said Ros.

‘Great,’ said Darla, feeling pleased that they’d found a way forward but the other two looked rather glum considering she’d solved their issue. ‘I’m going to put a star by all the ones where Cameron initiates the split, then I’ll leave you two to work out the details. I think that deserves—’ But she was interrupted by the entry buzzer.

Ros answered it. ‘Dad! Hello, how lovely it’s you.’ She waved frantically at Darla and Cameron who were already manhandling the flip chart out of the room.

Darla and Cameron hid it in Cameron’s wardrobe. Darla caught sight of a Ken and Barbie T-shirt. ‘Seriously?’

‘Yeah. They’re the original perfect couple,’ he replied.

‘If you like out-of-proportion boobs and no penis,’ she said, coming back into the living area. ‘Barry, hi, how are you? I’ve heard the good news.’ And she pulled the slightly bemused man into a hug.

‘We were talking about Ken and Barbie,’ explained Cameron, looking embarrassed. ‘Nice to see you, Barry. Drink?’

‘No, I’m not stopping. Amanda is downstairs with Gazza.’ He pulled a face.

‘Is she still here?’ asked Ros.

‘Yes, your mum’s still here. But she’s leaving soon. I’d really like you to sit down with her before she goes. Please.’

‘I’ll need to check my diary,’ said Ros.

Cameron cleared his throat and gave her a look. ‘I’m sure we can sort something out.’

‘Great,’ said Barry brightly. ‘Anyway, the thing I came round to tell you was I’m having a party!’ He waved his hands in the air and grinned at them all.

There was no response for a beat too long so Darla felt she should say something. ‘Who doesn’t love a party? Great idea, Barry. What’s the occasion?’

‘No reason other than I am happy to be alive and I thought you only get all your family and friends together when there’s either a wedding or a funeral and if it’s the latter I’ll miss it so I thought, sod it let’s just have a party. You’re invited, Darla.’

‘Ace. Thanks, Barry. Do I need to RSVP or can I say yes now?’

‘No formal reply needed. So that’s one definite. How about you two?’ He looked at Cameron and Ros.

‘When is it?’ asked Ros.

‘I still need to finalise a few things but it’s next Saturday and I’m hiring one of those fancy floating gin palaces for the night. I’m really going to push the boat out. Get it?’

‘No,’ said Ros.

‘That sounds like a great night,’ said Cameron, with a glance at Ros. ‘I just need to see if I can get the time off work.’

‘Oh.’ Barry had a look of disappointment on his face. ‘Of course. Fingers crossed. It wouldn’t be the same without you.’

‘Thanks,’ said Cameron, appearing touched.

‘Anyway. I’d better dash before someone gets bitten.’ Barry pointed down the stairs.

‘Most likely Gazza,’ muttered Ros. ‘Bye, Dad. Take care.’ She gave him a kiss and he left looking at least ten years younger than he had done only weeks before. The door closed behind him.

‘I guess we need to split up before the party,’ said Cameron, looking disappointed.