She’s really leaving. I’m about to lose my best friend. I feel like another piece of me is breaking off.
“Okayyyy,” she says in a mopey tone as she’s slowly making her way back to the door.
I tell her to hold on so I can turn on sad music over the speaker. And because she’s the best friend a girl could ever have, she complies without question. I turn on that terribly sad song “I Will Remember You,” and once it’s blaring over the speaker, I nod for Stacy to leave.
She gives a pitiful smile. I give her the same one in return. A lone tear streaks down both of our faces as she turns around and walks out the door. It’s the end of an era. I might never see her again.
Just before the door closes, she stops it and peeks her head back inside. “Oh! Don’t forget about the dress fitting at four!”
Oh, right. She’s still getting married here at the end of the week, and there are, like, a million tasks we still have to do together before then.
“Yep! Ride together?”
“Sure! I’ll pick you up here at closing.”
“Kluvyoubye.”
Then, she’s gone, and I let the sad music drown my soul once again, thankful that Ryan isn’t here to make it worse. And will someone please tell me when I’ll stop thinking about him?
Chapter 6 June
“All right, take off your clothes,” says Ms. Dorothy as if I’m used to hearing that phrase on the regular.
“Right here?” I look around the seamstress’s empty shop and, despite its vacancy, don’t relish the idea of stripping in public. “I think I’ll just go in the dressing—”
“Phooey, nonsense!” says the million-year-old seamstress, pulling the shirt right off my body and tossing it somewhere across the room. “The curtains are covering the windows, and the rest of the wedding party isn’t due here for another fifteen minutes. None of those boys will see your boobies if we hurry.”
My eyes go wide. “Boys?”
Ms. Dorothy is mercilessly peeling the jeans off my hips, and Stacy is holding in her laughter so hard that tears leak down her face. I swear, she looks like she’s going to burst a blood vessel from all that repressed laughter when Dorothy tosses my jeans to the far end of the room—right next to the shirt I wish I was still wearing.
“Actually, it’s only Ryan coming,” Stacy says, chuckles bubbling through her words. And now I understand why this scenario is so funny to her. “He’s the only other one that needs any alterations.”
“Oh my gosh! You’re kidding!” Suddenly, I feel stark naked standing in the middle of a seamstress’s shop in my bra and panties. I hurry to cover myself with my hands as if that will keep Ryan from seeing all of my bits if he were to show up early.
Ms. Dorothy thinks I’m only being shy in front of her. She bats my hands away from covering my boobs. “Oh, stop that. I’d kill to have my body look like that again. You ought to parade it around the square right now instead of hiding it behind your hands.”
I don’t care to be the grand marshal for that parade, though. I lunge for the midnight-blue bridesmaid gown and have to pry it from Dorothy’s wrinkly hands. But let me tell you, this old woman is strong, because she is not letting this dress go without a fight. Maybe she wanted to measure me before I put it on? I don’t know, but it feels like she’s trying to force me to be confident in my own skin through immersion therapy. Guess what? It’s not working.
Finally, Dorothy releases the dress with a huff. “I forgot my pins in the back.”
She strides off and I whip my head in Stacy’s direction. “Quick, shove me into this thing!” My eyes are frantic, and I look like someone just announced an impromptu sack race that I’m now the most eager participant of. I’m hopping and shimmying into this dress as if a million dollars are on the line. Really, though, my ass is on the line.
I’ll die before I let Ryan’s greedy eyes get a peek at my rear end.
Stacy is doubled over laughing. Really, I’ve never seen her crack up so much. She thinks the prospect of Ryan sauntering in here and seeing me in my underwear is hilarious. Have I said how much I hate her?
“I’m going to cut up your wedding dress like a paper snowflake if you don’t help me zip this up!”
She does, but she takes her sweet time, laughing harder with every tiny inch the zipper rises. “There, you’re decent again.” She wipes her eyes and looks a little disappointed that the situation didn’t play out like she was imagining. “I’ve never seen you move so fast! I swear”—she pauses for more laughter—“it looked like you just discovered your superspeed powers or something.”
“Hilarious,” I say, deadpan.
I catch my breath when Ms. Dorothy emerges from the back and proceeds to turn me, poke me (with a pin twice), and admonish me for squirming over the next ten minutes. I can’t stand still, though. The devil will walk through the front door any minute, and I refuse to be standing here with my hands in the air like I’m surrendering in our war. I plan on being long gone before Ryan arrives.
“Alrighty, I’ll take in an inch on either side, and you’ll be good to go. Should be ready for you to pick up in two days. You can take it off now.” She’s reaching for the zipper again, but I sidestep her and make a break for the dressing rooms.
“I’ll toss the gown over the door for you,” I say, and Ms. Dorothy frowns. I’m starting to wonder if she and Stacy are in on some sort of quest to embarrass me in front of Ryan. It’s ridiculous, of course. They would never do that.
But still…I lock the door to the dressing room.
I turn around and look in the mirror, almost not recognizing the woman staring back at me. This gown fits like a glove, hugging, lifting, and accentuating all the right places. I silently thank Stacy for not being one of those brides who chooses an ugly dress for her bridesmaids. You all get bright-orange dresses with fifteen pounds of added ruffles! Enjoy!
No, this dress is nothing short of lovely. It has a sweetheart neckline and dainty spaghetti straps. The bodice is made from a stiff material that is tight and flattering, but this skirt has layers and layers of soft sheer fabric that cascade like a waterfall from my waist to the floor. It looks as if I should be going to, rather than a wedding, an award show with a red carpet where photographers shout my name.
Ms. Dorothy’s scratchy voice cuts through the stall door, and I jump a mile off the floor. “Almost done in there?”
I hurry and unzip the dress before sliding it off and tossing it over the door. I watch the fabric disappear and hear Ms. Dorothy shuffle off.
Turning back to the mirror, I play with my hair, getting ideas for how to have it styled for the wedding while I wait for Stacy to toss my clothes over to me. But now that the dress is off, a familiar discomfort creeps up my spine. My eyes fall from my brown hair to my chest. Not much to see there. My boobs are…nothing to write home about. I assess my hips next, noticing the cellulite on each side. And then I start angling my body, trying to find the perfect pose, because maybe if I suck in my stomach and stick my leg out just right—
No!
I breathe in deeply and unclench my stomach. I pull my leg back in line with the other and relax my shoulders. I look at my breasts and my curves and I tell Ben to get out of my head. Because that’s what this really is about. I never struggled with how I looked to this degree until after he cheated on me. Until after what he said to me…
For the last few years, I’ve really hated being naked. Hated being anything less than perfectly put together if I’m being honest. It’s a lot of the reason I have an only-one-date rule. And why I don’t sleep with anyone on those dates. If I never let anyone get close, they can’t hurt me.
Not attracted to you anymore.
My ex’s voice is still too loud in my head, and I hate him for it. No matter how hard I try, I haven’t been able to stop asking myself the same questions over and over. If I had trained more at the gym—not let myself get so comfortable around him, would it have stopped him from cheating on me? Why wasn’t I enough for him?
But then, a healthier part of me surfaces from his callous words and actions and reminds me that he wasn’t good enough for me. That I deserve a man who loves me for me—in every form. And each day that I get further away from Ben’s toxic influence, I’m able to grab that version of myself by the hand and see her beauty.
But I would be lying if I said the insecurity is gone completely. I’m fighting through it. I’m fighting for myself. And I’m learning to look in the mirror at every part of me and love her.
“Shoot!” Stacy says. “Ms. Dorothy, I completely forgot to have you look at my slip. It’s about three inches too long for my dress and peeks out the bottom. Let me go grab it from my car.”
“Never mind that. I’m taking this dress home to work on tonight, so help me carry these things to my trunk, and I’ll get it from you out there.”
And any minute now, my clothes will rain down on me like manna from above. Except, I hear the chime above the door, followed by the sound of it shutting behind them.
“Stacy? Ms. Dorothy?” I call out to the empty room.
Well, shoot.
I have two options: (1) stand here shivering until they return or (2) make a run for it and retrieve my clothes with my newfound superspeed powers.
Ha ha, like I would ever pick option two! No way; I’ve seen all the movies, and the second my booty is in full view of the front door, Ryan will enter. No, thank you. I’ll turn into a human Popsicle before I let that happen.
