‘There’s nothing wrong with me.’
‘… and changing towards her and the baby, I’ll talk to her.’
‘It’s too much to ask.’
‘What’s too much? You’ve been without her for one week, you can manage without her for another.’
‘I beg your pardon, but that’s for her to decide. I would like to hear from Soela herself that she wants to stay here.’
Elsie looked straight at him.
‘You’ve lost already, David, both of you have. You can’t continue the way you’ve begun. If she goes with you now, it will be only a matter of time before there’s trouble again.’
‘A week will make a difference?’
‘A month would be better, but you wouldn’t agree to that. You both need time to think. Soela might even come round on her own to thinking of returning to Kloot’s Nek, and it would be better, wouldn’t it, if she wanted to return?’
‘A man cannot be without a wife for so long.’
‘A woman cannot be with one who thinks he is God.’
He couldn’t enter the house uninvited, and couldn’t call to Soela from the stoep. If Oom Jan had been there, he might have had a chance. He forced himself to be civil for a few minutes longer, then made his farewells and left.
Elsie watched the wagon roll slowly down the hill, then called to one of the servants to check if her daughters were up. She’d already decided that Soela would go back to Kloot’s Nek. She needed a husband with that baby, and Elsie couldn’t take the chance of the new knecht losing interest in Diena. Besides, David had learnt his lesson, and one day he would inherit Kloot’s Nek.
‘David will come for you next week,’ she said when Soela came out onto the stoep.
‘He was here?’
‘Yes.’
Soela sat down next to her mother.
‘You should have called me, Ma. I wanted to tell him I’m not going back. I’ve never loved him. It’s no use.’
Elsie put down the bowl of peas.
‘Do you think I loved your father when I married him? My father arranged it. “He’ll put a roof over your head,” he said, “parents aren’t there forever.” Your father’s a hard man, not one I would have picked on my own, and I cursed my father for negotiating my future as if I were a brood mare, and my mother for allowing it. I thought there was more to being a wife, I thought I would feel things. By the time you and Diena arrived, we had amassed all this land and the responsibility it brings. You get used to things, and then almost nothing matters. You were still on the breast when my mother developed a blockage in her pipes and died. My father died eight weeks after that.’ Elsie put the bowl back on her lap. ‘I was glad then that I’d married. I would have been alone.’
‘You want me to go back to David.’
Elsie looked at her daughter.
‘If you think he will have learnt from this. It’s hard to raise a child by yourself, and besides, Diena will also be getting married.’
Soela looked down at her hands clasped in her lap.
‘Did you come to love Pa, eventually?’
‘What is love? I had you and Diena. He holds us all together. If that is love, then I have come to it.’
‘And your feelings, Ma?’
Elsie laughed softly.
‘Feelings are there for you to like yourself. Remember that. The other kind gets in your head and promises the impossible.’
Soela returned to Kloot’s Nek. David, true to his word, never once mentioned the incident. One afternoon, he came in, with three daisies in his hand, took off her kapje in front of Drieka and put the flowers in her hair. Soela was stunned. It was totally out of character, and implied feelings she hadn’t thought he possessed. Perhaps she had misjudged him after all, she thought.
The following afternoon, still suffused with the warmth of his gesture, she put her daughter to bed for a nap and inspected herself in the mirror. The heat sat in hot little pockets between her breasts and she wiped it with Bessie’s cloth, rubbing herself with the fragrance of violet flowers. If it was unbearable in the house, it would be sweltering in the veld. She would take a beaker of water down to the men. The flowers had been a sort of peace offering. She would do something nice in return, show that she was appreciative of his efforts. At first it had pleased her that she could get into bed and know her sleep wouldn’t be interrupted, but as the weeks passed, aware of his hardness and her own urges, she’d wondered if she’d lost her appeal. The night before, she had left off her undergarments and had even turned towards him, but he fell into bed and went to sleep instantly.
She checked her appearance one last time. Her breasts were filled with milk for the baby, and she didn’t like the way her dress rode up in her waist, but her hair was still her best feature, silky gold down her back, and she had brushed it until it shone and left her kapje off. She went into the yard with the beaker, filled it with water from the barrel, and left for the sheep kraal. She was at the barn when she saw Willem Kloot come out, shaking the dust from his clothes. People said he had changed since the banishment of his younger son, working numbing hours, smoking like a Bushman to render himself insensible to what he’d done. But she’d come to know his other side, and to like him. The father was nothing like the sons. Both sons had betrayed her.
‘I was just bringing down water for everyone. Is David still down there?’
‘He was when I left a few minutes ago.’
Soela continued down the path, past the huts, to the end of the kraal. She looked out over the veld to where the sheep were, but there was no sign of him. She was about to turn back when she saw Katrijn, the heavily pregnant kitchen servant, walk quickly around the far side of the giant boulders in the direction of the dam, looking furtively behind her. Soela watched her disappear around the corner. She wondered where Katrijn was going. Something told her to stay where she was. A few minutes later she saw David emerge from the barn and walk in the same direction. The beaker fell from her hand. This explained everything. She felt sick.
Sanna was in the kitchen when Soela came in and she knew from the grimness around Soela’s mouth that David’s secret was no longer a secret. Sanna had spoken many times to the girl, telling her to leave the kleinbaas alone, but Katrijn wouldn’t listen. Sanna shuddered at what was to come.
David came in for supper a few minutes later in good spirits.
‘What are we having?’ He took a wet cloth from Sanna to wipe his hands and face and sat down.
‘Pumpkin and rice,’ Vinkie said.
‘I was at the dam this afternoon,’ Soela said suddenly. ‘I came looking for you, to give you some water. I thought I saw you, but I must have been mistaken. It was Katrijn. Every time you look for her, she’s lying under someone. Heaven knows who’s fathered that one in her belly.’
