There were a lot of blank stares as they tried to put together what I had just said. Tessa snatched her cigarette back as they all exchanged looks, thinking that I was losing my mind with this.
Love was something I never wanted to get into with a man.
Love was what had my father standing in the kitchen, cutting off my mothers hair after her first few chemo sessions. The sound of the buzzers as he whispered to her how beautiful she was and she cried; he would think she was beautiful no matter what.
Love was him feeding her limoncello at 3AM because she had been so sick all night and it was the only thing she could swallow. Kissing her dry lips in between bites as he praised her for doing so good.
Love was waking up at 1AM and following my father to her grave and watching him sob because he knew that he had to live in a place without my mother and to him that wasn’t a life worth living at all.
No.
Love was asking too much of someone else, giving too much of yourself and allowing someone into all the moments of your life that weren’t perfect.
I didn’t need love. I didn’t want love. I wouldn’t give love.
“Are they forcing you to marry him?” Sammie asked, looking like she was ready to fight someone. Which I didn't doubt for a second she would do. And I’m sure she would if it meant that she was protecting me in the way she knew how.
If our friend group was like the family Sammie and Tessa would be the enforcers, Maddie would be the consigliere, Becca would be the underboss and I guess I would be the boss.
“No one is forcing me. I signed the marriage contract willingly. It’s just my time to do this. And my dad is so happy. I haven’t seen him this happy since-” I don’t finish my thought because they all know I was going to mention my mother.
They had loved her too and knew the pain of losing her.
Dante had walked us over to the cemetery this morning before we came to brunch, laying a bouquet of flowers on her grave. It was a show of respect that I appreciated from him. But it had weakened me, bringing back too many thoughts of someone I had lost.
It’s quiet, all of us huddled together in a space that we didn’t expect to be. And I feel better having them here with me, stronger and ready to fight for the things that I want.
“Do you think you girls can all be my bridesmaids and maids of honor? I can’t pick just one.” My tone tried to be teasing, to lighten the burden I was laying on them.
We shared everything but I didn’t want to have to share my fear of this marriage with them.
And as I asked it’s chaos as they all start talking over each other about what colors to wear and buying dresses. Someone mentions a party in Vegas and someone else wants to go to Miami and before they can fight I have more news to break.
“I’m getting married on the 22nd of this month.”
A pin could drop and we’d have heard the ping.
The silence as they all look at me, back to thinking that I’m being held hostage and they’re going to plan a rescue mission for me.
Wouldn’t put it past them to try and kidnap me.
“Well, guess we’re going to Vegas next week.” Sammie breaks the silence as we all start laughing like this is funny.
But what else are you supposed to do when everything is about to change?
Except as soon as it’s said I latch onto the idea. Because they don’t know how much everything is going to change and how much it’s going to matter that we have this one last getaway. That this may be the last time that I get to go away and just have a girls trip with my friends with the freedom I know I’ll lose with a new last name.
“Can we, please?” The begging makes them all surprised. I’m usually better at hiding myself.
They’re all looking at me as soon as I say the word and I know they’ll make it happen. They may not know why it’s important to me but they don’t get hung up on that detail.
That’s why friends can be better than family. They don’t have to ask you questions to just know what you need.
“Bitch, you just signed up for a whole lot of crazy.” Tessa warns with a grin.
And I couldn’t be happier.
11DANTE
The way that Ilaria saw those girls storming towards us and ran away six minutes ago, has me on edge.
She obviously knew them from the hurried way they all tripped over each other as they went to the bathroom but, I don’t know them and for some reason that is a problem to me.
Why did seeing her look at them with a lifetime of feelings behind her eye make me jealous?
I’ll have her give me their names to add to the VIP list tonight at Inferno.
Once I have the names I can have Enzo run background checks on all of them and tomorrow morning I can read about who my fiancée is hanging around with.
I want to keep her safe and that blossoms something inside of me. Ilaria matters to me because she is going to be mine. I always take care of my things.
As if she knew I was thinking about her she comes around the corner, smiling at the girls with such a look of pure happiness on her face I’m temporarily blinded.
Who knew a smile could be so beautiful?
My father had been talking to me but all I can do is stop and stare as she walks towards me, her eyes landing on me and her smile not fading yet.
