“You’re so lucky that you can talk to your cats,” said Scarlett, not for the first time. “I wish I could talk to Clarice. She’s such a sweetheart, and I’ve grown so fond of her, so if only we could chat, that would be amazing. She could tell me all about her hopes and dreams.”
“I still contend that you could learn their language,” said Vesta. “It’s probably just a knack you can pick up. Like driving a bicycle or parallel parking.”
“I can’t parallel park for the life of me,” said Scarlett. “And as far as riding a bike goes, I haven’t done that in years.”
“But surely you could learn to talk to your cat, couldn’t you? Look, all you have to do is listen very carefully when they’re trying to tell you something. Really focus, you know.”
“I’ve tried,” said Scarlett. “Lord knows I’ve tried. But it’s all just gibberish to me, honey.”
“Okay, I’m going to talk in cat language now. Listen very carefully, all right?” and she proceeded to tell her friend that her hot cocoa was very delicious.
Scarlett laughed. “That sounded so funny!”
“Well, it wasn’t funny,” said Vesta. “Let’s try again. Listen carefully to what I’m saying. And try to listen with your heart, not your mind, if that makes sense.”
Scarlett made a face. “I don’t even know what that means.”
“It means that you can’t look at this rationally. It’s a knack, something you need to work on—one moment you don’t understand a single thing, and the next you’ve got it. Okay? Here we go.” This time she told her friend that there were too many flies around for the time of year and she was going to make a complaint to the hotel manager if he didn’t get a handle on things and remedy the situation. She eyed her friend expectantly. “So what did I say?”
“Um… that you’re hungry and you want a cookie?”
“No!” she sighed. “You’re not trying hard enough, honey. Do you even want to do this?”
“Of course I want to do this!” she said. “But it’s difficult, you know.”
“It’s not difficult. It’s easy. Okay, one more time. Listen carefully.”
“I am listening carefully with my ears and my heart and whatever else.”
“Okay, here goes.” But before she could launch into another sentence spoken in the language of cats, a dozen flies all attacked her cup of hot chocolate at once, and as she watched in dismay, she saw that several of them managed to end up floating on top of her chocolate! “Oh, my God!” she said. “Did you see that? A mass suicide attempt!”
“Death by drowning in chocolate milk,” said Scarlett as she made a face. “Fish them out, the poor creatures.”
“I will not fish them out!” said Vesta. “They did this to themselves!”
“Fish them out I’m telling you!” And when Vesta didn’t make a move, she proceeded to use her little spoon to fish out the flies and save their lives. “Always be kind to animals,” she explained.
“Flies are not animals,” said Vesta. “They’re bugs, and not the best bugs either. They spread all kinds of diseases, didn’t you know? One minute ago they’re traipsing around Farmer Giles’s cows, feasting on their poop and urine, and the next they’re all over my hot chocolate! It’s disgusting, that’s what it is.” She pushed her cup away. “I’m not drinking this—no way.”
“Okay, so you were saying?” said Scarlett as she leaned in. “Something about flies, right?”
She gave her friend a look. “I didn’t even speak feline this time. Just plain English.”
“Oh, so that’s why I understood. I thought I’d finally gotten the knack, as you say.”
Vesta sighed, and decided that maybe there was no use to this thing. Maybe it was, as her granddaughter always claimed, a genetic thing that couldn’t be taught. If they could teach it, by now Tex should have gotten it, or Chase, or even Alec. But no—only the women in her family could understand their feline darlings, with men being excluded from taking part in the great feast of reason and the flow of soul as they conversed up a storm with their cats.
More flies now descended on the scene, and as she gaped at them, she saw that there were hundreds of them—maybe even thousands! Or millions!
“What is going on!” she cried as she got up. Flies were all over the place: on her clothes, on her head, in her hair, on her purse!
“It’s an invasion!” said Scarlett, pushing her chair back. Other customers also got to their feet, all expressing their dismay at this sudden takeover by the collection of flies.
Several waiters came hurrying out of the bar and used their towels to get rid of the flies, but the creatures simply flew up and then settled down again.
“Let’s go,” she said. “Before we get eaten alive—or covered in fly crap.”
“We haven’t paid,” Scarlett reminded her.
“And we’re not going to!” said Vesta. “If they can’t even protect us from these horrible beasts, they don’t deserve to get paid.”
She walked off the terrace and saw to her surprise that Chase and Odelia were escorting a bunch of people to squad cars. All four of them had their wrists cuffed behind their backs and looked deeply unhappy.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Can’t talk now, Gran,” said Odelia.
“But… that’s Tex’s bug spray guy!” she said, pointing to one of the people under arrest. She recognized his picture from the YouTube video she had watched. Also, the fact that one of the police officers was carrying a giant mock-up of a fly was a dead giveaway. “Good for you,” she told her granddaughter. “People like that should be arrested. Selling bug spray that doesn’t work—it’s a crime!” She now understood why there were so many flies in the hotel. The manager had probably used the bug spray these people were selling and more flies had come—just like Tex with his chinch bugs.
Which gave her another one of her bright ideas—she was on fire today!
“Hey, were they guests of the hotel, by any chance?”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t stay and chat, Gran. I have to get these people to the station.” And with these words, her granddaughter was off after her husband and the line of arrestees.
“Let’s go,” she told Scarlett.
“Where are we going?” asked her friend.
