Carla’s insides tightened, like a corset lacing together. “Granddad idolized you. I remember his eyes shining when he looked at you. You held hands wherever you went.”
“Yes, I loved that about him.” Lucinda smiled and her eyes grew misty. “And I was proud of him, too. We were close in many ways, but not in others. We probably weren’t the right, um, romantic fit.”
“Oh.” Carla felt her cheeks growing hot. “Are you saying that—”
“Ted was my best friend and we were devoted to each other,” Lucinda cut in firmly. “We loved each other in most senses of the word, if not others. We had a long and successful marriage and, in our day, you just got on with things. Would I say I was unlucky in love, like our family curse states?” She took a long while to consider this. “In terms of passion, I’d say that I was.”
Carla felt a great weight settle upon her at the realization that a marriage she’d idolized her entire life may not have been so perfect after all. Above all, she hated that her gran had compromised her own desires. “Oh, Gran...”
Lucinda waved her words away. “Nothing for you to get all sorrowful about,” she said, standing up from her seat. “I’ll get that hot pot out of the oven. We don’t want to eat burnt potatoes, do we? It was Ted’s favorite meal and I miss making it for the old fella.”
Carla stared after her, her mouth downturned. She knew she’d struggle to eat when the casserole dish arrived on the table and she suddenly, urgently, wanted to know her gran had been loved in a way she’d truly wanted. “Was there ever anyone else, before Granddad?” she asked tentatively.
A flush rose up Lucinda’s neck, reaching her chin. “Oh, my.” A smile gave her face a brief girlish appearance and she set down her fork. “Only once before.”
“Who was he?”
Lucinda shook her head, but then her lips parted, unable to hold on to a secret. “When I was nineteen, I spent four weeks in Spain with a friend of mine. We used to go to a tapas restaurant and order the cheapest things off the menu, just so we could sneak a peek at the gorgeous waiters, brothers Juan and Carlos. After they’d finished work, we shared sangria and Manzanillo olives with them. We walked and talked on the beach until the sun rose the next morning.” She let out a dreamy sigh.
“When Juan kissed me, I felt like I’d touched an electric eel. Zap. My whole body went all tingly.” Lucinda shimmied her shoulders. “Ah, but we were young and lived in different countries. I told myself it was a holiday romance, nothing more. Though, sometimes, when I was with Ted, feeling all plain, I couldn’t help but wonder if Juan would have been a better fit for me. It made me feel ever so silly and guilty, thinking that way.”
“It’s not silly at all.” Carla sat back in her chair, dismayed she no longer knew of any marriages in her family she could aspire to. The weight of expectation for hers and Tom’s to be the first to work out was growing even greater.
“Do things feel electric when you’re with Tom?” Lucinda’s eyes flickered, embarrassed yet hopeful.
“Yes, of course,” Carla replied quickly, though she had to admit her feelings for him were more like the gentle hum of a cat’s purr rather than a bolt of lightning. Regardless, she was sure she’d have been attracted to Tom if she’d met him through sheer chance.
“Well, there’s your answer, no matter what any database or Myrtle says.” Lucinda paused and nodded to herself. She ran her tongue across her lips. “Unless...”
“Unless what?”
“Unless you want to make absolutely sure.”
Carla swallowed at the use of that word. Absolutely meant unequivocally and unquestionably. Even with algorithms, there were no complete certainties. “I can’t go rushing off overseas to trace men from my past, if that’s what you’re...” She paused, astonished she’d predicted what her gran had been about to suggest.
An understanding look passed between the two women.
Lucinda raised her eyebrow. “You went traveling before, for a full year.”
“That was ages ago, when I was single.” Carla tossed her hair and wished that she’d washed it.
Lucinda pulled the journal toward her and looked at Carla’s photos of Barcelona. “I know someone who lives not far from there. Babs always sends me Christmas cards and invites me to visit. I’m sure you’d be welcome, too.”
“I can’t just run off and leave the business...”
“You’ve got me and Jess to help.”
Carla dug her fingernails into her palm. “I’ve got you,” she corrected. Her jaw clenched when she thought about the issues with her sister. The idea of traveling was like a puzzle in her head with the pieces not fitting together. “It’s not that easy.”
“It’s as easy as you make it, honey. You once embraced adventure—”
“Until I met Aaron...”
“You can’t blame him for all the ills in the world.”
She lowered her eyes. “No, just the majority of them.” Her love for her ex-husband had been like a stories-high waterfall, a bass drum booming, a New Year’s firework display. She had never since experienced the same extreme highs and lows, before or after him.
Lucinda set down her fork. “You have to follow your gut instinct. What is it telling you?”
Carla again fought against Myrtle’s insistence of her perceptive qualities. “Meeting men from my past would feel...adulterous.”
“Heck, not if you look but don’t touch. All you’re doing is talking to them, and this is for Tom as well as for you. He’ll want to be damn sure he’s marrying the right person, too. And I’m invested in all this. My wedding hat cost a fortune.”
Carla couldn’t help laughing. “Where would I even start?” she asked, shaking her head.
“Looks like you’ve been studying the task already.” Lucinda nodded toward the journal. “You could follow in your own footsteps. Didn’t you go to places that Suzette once visited?”
Carla touched her pendant and didn’t know if her heart was pattering from excitement, nerves or sheer terror. “Time moves on. People move on.”
“Myrtle said this man is overseas. You’ve got phone numbers, cards and addresses. Taking a little break before your wedding will give you space and time to reflect...”
Carla toyed with her fork. “I love Tom,” she protested. Would she just be running away from one mess and into a different one? There was little she could do at Logical Love until investigations had been carried out.
Lucinda patted the back of her hand. “I know you love him, honey, and my greatest wish is to see you smash our family curse to smithereens. Spending some time away, catching up with a few folks from your past, will stop you worrying if Tom’s your ideal match or not. Or else you might end up wondering for the rest of your life...like I did.”
Carla eventually agreed that her gran’s words made sense. She could take a couple of weeks to revisit her gap year, while the Logical Love system was under review. Two weeks to be absolutely sure about Tom, while he was in America. She could argue that it wasn’t very long to meet her exes. However, she’d known within days of meeting Aaron that she’d marry him.
Maybe the intuition Myrtle had mentioned was buried deep inside her after all. Carla certainly felt a leap of excitement, a pull, an urge telling her to jump on a plane, that overruled the anxiety nagging in her mind. “I could meet them and ask a list of Logical Love questions...” she suggested.
