“No, I don’t live in Filey anymore. You actually sent the letter to my mother’s house.”

“Where are you living now?”

“Here, well, in the city centre.”

“Fancy. Good job?”

“Reasonably,” I shrugged.

“Married?”

“A few months ago.”

“Kids?”

“Not yet,” I smiled.

“Listen, do you want to come in for a cup of tea or something? Joshua isn’t here. He’s at his friend’s house.”

This was all moving way too fast; I was comfortable observing from a distance, but actually going in the house felt like a step too far. What would Amelia think if she knew I was here? My instant reaction was to just say no and leave, but I felt sorry for her. She was clearly struggling for money whilst raising a child on her own. My child. And even though, up until a few hours ago, I was unaware of his existence; I felt like I owed her an explanation and some kind of apology.

“Sure,” I smiled.

We walked towards Becky’s house through the front garden where she unlocked the door and led us inside. The house itself was a bit of a mess, with toys strewn across the floor and clothes desperately trying to dry on the cold radiators. She walked straight into the kitchen, and I followed her, sitting at the small dining table. She put the kettle on, turned around and leant on the kitchen counter.

“How old’s Joshua?” I asked.

“He’s ten in February,” she smiled.

“Wow. Ten years old. Sorry, this is all shockingly new to me.”

“It’s fine, honestly.”

The kettle had boiled, but Becky didn’t take any further steps to produce a cup of tea. She simply continued staring at me with a weak smile.

“What is it?” I asked.

“You’ve just changed so much. Did you remember me?” She smirked.

“Of course,” I lied.

“That’s a fancy car you are driving. What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a financial adviser. But I’m moving into investments soon.”

“I always knew you would do well for yourself.”

“Thank you,” I replied awkwardly.

It’s the most bizarre feeling when someone knows who you are, but you don’t have a clue who they are. I wished I could remember a single detail about her life so I could ask her, but I was unable to. I felt so guilty; I’d been living my life carefree, and she’d clearly been struggling for a while. She seemed very happy to see me, though, so I must have made a good impression all those years ago.

“So,” I smiled, “Joshua.”

“He doesn’t want much. He just wants to know who his dad is, that’s all.”

“I understand that.”

“Can I take your phone number? Just so we can arrange a time to meet. If you want to, of course.”

“Of course, I want to meet him.”

I impulsively got my phone out and slid it across the table towards Becky, and she put my phone number on her phone. She returned it to me with a smile, and it buzzed on the table as she sent me a text message, so I had her number, too. It immediately felt like a mistake. She could contact me whenever she wanted once she had my number. The only thing worse than me telling Amelia about this would be her finding out by accident.

“This is a little awkward,” I started, “but my wife, Amelia, doesn’t know about Joshua yet, so could you keep contact to a minimum until I’ve told her?”

“Of course. I totally understand.”

“I think the news will upset her, so I just need to find the right way of telling her.”

“Why would she be upset?” Becky asked, stepping forward from the kitchen counter with her arms folded.

“Well, to be honest with you, we have been trying to conceive, but haven’t had much luck. I just don’t want her to have another setback.”

“Setback? Did you just describe Joshua as a setback?” Becky said venomously.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. We’ve just been struggling so much with everything.”

“Well, if that’s what you think of him, you can just forget the whole thing.”

“Becky, honestly, I didn’t mean it like that. When the time is right, I will tell her. But not right now. I can’t.”

“Get out,” she pointed.

“I’m sorry,” I said, standing from my chair, “I’ll be in touch, I promise.”

“Out!” She shouted.

I walked out of the front door, and I heard Becky slam it behind me. I regretted what I’d said, and I tried to say it as delicately as possible, but it was what it was: the truth. This would break Amelia, and she would see it as if I’d been lying to her when, in reality, I was completely unaware, too. If Amelia’s paranoia took hold, there would be no telling what she would do. She was already at breaking point, and I just wanted to spare us the heartache. I didn’t know Becky, and to be honest, deep down, I didn’t think I owed her anything. I felt bad for Joshua, but I meant what I said: once things had settled down between Amelia and me, I would be in touch. I got back in the car and made my way home, and Amelia was waiting for me in the flat.

“Bad traffic?” Amelia shouted from the kitchen.

“Nightmare,” I replied.

“We didn’t have much in for dinner, and I found a lasagne in the freezer.”

“Fine,” I shouted back.

My phone vibrated in my pocket; I unlocked it. It was a text message from an unsaved number.