I stop.
And for a moment, I think about it.
Because I’m not innocent in all this. If I’d been able to figure out what was going on with Fiona before that night instead of being wrapped up in myself, maybe I’d have been able to save her. If I hadn’t been so dead set on accusing Thatcher this past year, maybe I’d have figured out who the real villain was sooner.
I could do exactly as Kendall planned. Davy would be safe. Everyone would hate me forever, but the people who knew me, at least, would know it wasn’t true: Dad, Davy, Seth, Gen, Jeremy—
Jeremy.
I look out through the trees at the waving green. Imagine the ghosts of our small selves darting around this place, looking for something they would never find. Think of the ghosts of Fiona, of Thatcher, hovering near the places they died.
I don’t know if there’s a heaven, but if there is, I like to think Fiona is there.
Is she waiting for me?
Or would she want me to stay?
Fight, Addie.
Did I hear that voice out loud? Or only in my mind?
“What is it?” Kendall calls.
I turn to look at her. “Nothing,” I say.
I don’t know if I’m going to survive this. But I’m not going out like a coward.
“It’ll be easier if you jump,” she says softly. “Less messy. I’ll climb down and get your fingerprints on the gun. Then I’ll be gone before anyone even knows you’re missing. It’ll all be over. You’ll see Fiona again.” She nods toward the cliff. “It’ll be quick. It was for them.”
I take a step backward. There’s a lump in my throat. Tears in my eyes.
Kendall starts to lower the gun.
I look down, as if closing my eyes in prayer. She’s standing less than four feet away.
And then I attack.
45
She wasn’t expecting it.
I launch myself at her, knocking her to the ground. The gun clatters to the rocks beneath us.
Kendall screams. Claws at my face. I turn to the side, but I still feel her nails rake my skin. The gun is just a few feet away—if I could just—
But as soon as I reach for it, she grabs me, pulling my hair, kicking, scratching.
Fighting like the animal she is.
I let out a yelp as her teeth sink into my arm. I get a fistful of hair, kick at her legs beneath mine, reach for the gun.
But Kendall is stronger than I thought.
With a grunt, she rolls herself on top of me, and now I’m on the bottom, trying to stop her from getting the gun. I tear, scratch, grab hair—but she’s lunging for the gun—
Then her weight is off me. I dive toward her, but it’s too late.
Kendall has the gun.
And it’s pointing at me once more.
A hysterical giggle rises out of her. It sounds alien, subhuman. She has grass in her hair, dirt on her arm, a line of blood blooming on one cheek. “Not bad, Addie,” she says, panting. “I didn’t think you had it in you.” Keeping the gun trained on me, she motions toward the ledge. “Now. You love your sister so much—you can join her.”
“I’m not jumping.” I try to sound braver than I feel. She has the gun pointed straight at my chest. “You’re going to have to shoot me.”
Kendall looks uncertain for a moment—then she takes a step toward me.
I take a step back. The ledge is less than a foot away.
She’s really going to do it.
Suddenly, there’s a rustling in the bushes nearby.
And Seth bursts through the trees.
I’ve never been so happy to see anyone in my life.
But my relief is short-lived.
