“Now you’re just bragging.” I smirk, looking down at him. He’s cozy in a gray vintage-looking T-shirt and black joggers. He smells like something I want to rub my face in, but I ignore that. “I don’t feel sorry for you. You’ve ruined it.”
His head is on the pillow with his hands tucked underneath as he lies on his side. He blinks his onyx eyes up at me. “How tall are you? Five foot… five?”
“Um, five foot six, thanks. Please don’t cheat me a whole inch.”
Jun shrugs against the bed, grinning and closing his eyes. “Doesn’t matter. You’re perfect.”
Right. Since when? A few months ago, he barely wanted to be in the same room with me. But now I’m perfect?
“You once told me,” Jun begins, “that being here made you sad, which is why you stayed away for so long. Do you still feel that way?”
“Hm… a little.” I close the book in my lap and set it on my bedside table. I pull my glasses off as well, massaging the inevitable mark at the bridge of my nose with my fingers. “It’s not as bad as before, when I came back to check on it during uni. Now, it feels like I’m a kid looking after the house until my parents get home. Except they’re not coming. It doesn’t feel like mine yet.”
“Mm. Maybe do some remodeling? Put your own stamp on it?”
“I’d like to.” I lean to turn off the lamp, then settle down on my back beside him. “I have to make some life decisions before I do any big remodels.”
“Life decisions? Such as?”
“If I’m going to stay here long term, or if I’m going to move into the city to work. Or an even bigger city where there are actual vampires I can help. How I go about the redesign and interior will be impacted by that—if it’s done to my personal tastes or more generic for a buyer or renter.”
“No matter where you go, Jae, eventually, vampires will naturally seek you. It just takes time to build your own community.”
“Right. Audrey has said that to me as well. But do I want that? Who am I to run anything or lead anyone? I barely understand my own body and what’s happening to me. As if I could ever ‘lead a realm.’ And maybe I don’t even want to be bothered with all the aristocracy bullshit.”
Jun laughs softly in the darkness. “I’ve been a bad influence.”
“Maybe. Probably.” I chuckle. The outside light from the storm flashes, then the house trembles again. It doesn’t seem possible, but the rain sounds as if it’s coming down even harder now. My breath catches when I feel Jun scoot a little closer, lying just at my side, a hair’s breadth from touching me. But he’s perfectly still there—the warmth and length of him weighted beside me. His cool lavender essence softly wafting through the air.
I clench my eyes tight and breathe in deeply. Christ. I love him so much and I want him. I keep trying to ignore the fact that his usually creamy, golden-brown skin is an odd shade—like cedar. Brown but with too much gray mixed in. Not enough warmth. Not quite right. I know if he fed from me, he’d be better. I could help him with that, and something inside me is telling me that it would feel so good to let him.
But it’s all wrong now, because I don’t even know how to behave anymore. That version of me from before, the one who flirted relentlessly and fed from his palm… I’m embarrassed about that person. I don’t know if that Jae exists anymore, or if I even want him to.
“I have another question.” Jun yawns, his face halfway swallowed by the pillow and his voice low against the static sound of heavy rainfall all around us.
“Yes?”
“Why does your mother call you David in her journals? And if your father is Korean, why is your surname English?”
I smirk. “That’s two questions—”
I feel a quick pinch at the inside of my waist, and I swear I almost leap up from the bed and spontaneously combust. I’m sitting up on one elbow, looking down at Jun and breathing like a rabbit caught in a trap, but he’s not moving. Just smiling and lying perfectly still with his eyes closed. “Humor me?” he asks.
Swallowing, I settle back down on the sheets, but my body is on edge. Trembling. “Sh-she wanted to name me David. But my father was worried about me having his surname and growing up here—that it would make things harder for me on CVs and applications.”
“Racism.”
“Yes.” I take a breath. “So they compromised and she named me after him, but I have her surname.”
“What’s your father’s name?” Jun asks, opening his eyes to gaze at me.
“Jeong Jae-Hwa. So in her mind, the entire time she was pregnant with me, I was ‘David Jeong.’ She kept calling me David even after I was born—so I came to understand it as a type of nickname? Anyway, I’m just grateful I’m not David Davies, which would have added a devastating layer to my anxiety.”
Junichi breathes a quiet laugh. Our entire conversation is so low, almost whispered and encapsulated by the rain and the night, the soft bedsheets and the warmth of our bodies and energies as we lie still. We’re not even touching, but I can feel all of it against my skin—this cocoon we’re somehow creating. The unintentional but undeniable pull and tangle of it.
It feels good and safe and intimate. It makes me want to curl into him and feel him even more, but I don’t know what my body would do and that scares me. That fear is what keeps me from moving and potentially ruining this perfect moment. So I just stare at him beside me while he breathes with his eyes closed.
“Your mother chose well. David is a nice name,” he says, then inhales before yawning again. He lazily opens his black eyes. “I think… any vampire or human I’ve met named David has always been of excellent character. It suits you.”
I keep watching him, staring right back into the deep onyx pools of his irises. I let myself have this one moment since my nature actually feels calm—like it’s sleeping, and unbeknownst to it, I’ve sneaked out for a little fun. “Cheers.” I smile.
Jun’s eyes close once more. “I really like the name Jae, too… Jae is sexy, but David feels endearing. Cuddly. You’re both, like a… What animal is cute but kind of dangerous?”
“A racoon.”
Junichi opens his eyes, frowning at me. But I laugh.
“No,” he scolds. “You are not like an animal that knocks over and digs through trash cans.”
“I might be. Give me some time.” I’m still chuckling, but Jun doesn’t crack a smile. “A skunk? Something rabid and unpredictable,” I offer, lifting my eyebrow.
Jun stares at me, then huffs, adjusting his body and closing his eyes. “Neither—and I don’t mean dangerous like violent. I mean sensual. Alluring. But I’m glad to know where you’re at in your own head. I now have a clear understanding of where we’re starting from and how far we need to go.”
I scoff. “We?” My eyes widen. The snarky question slips out of my mouth before I even have a chance to process it, like I meant to say it in my head but it somehow passed through the wrong filter.
But Jun doesn’t miss a beat. “We. You and me, sunshine. Unless you indicate otherwise.”
There’s a pause, and he opens his eyes again, looking at me and waiting for me to say something. When I don’t, he snuggles down again. “Good night.”
