“It doesn’t make me feel better. I just don’t know what else to do with these feelings.”
“You can use my workout room. I have one of those fighting dummies you seemed to like so much at the Aerie. You can take it out on him.”
“I killed him,” I said, not talking about the fighting dummy. “How do I live with that?”
“You brought him peace. You saved my brother and me.”
“I don’t know if that’s enough.”
Thorin held his breath, and I sensed him searching for the words that would fix this, fix me. Those words didn’t exist, though, and he must have realized it, because he exhaled without saying anything. Instead he just held me, and I let him.
Chapter 18
Thorin did his best to keep me distracted for the rest of the day. He loaned me a knit hat and a wool peacoat that fit me like a dress, and we hiked the circumference of the private island on which he’d built his home. He explained Lopteldr meant “lightning” in his ancient tongue, and sitting high up on a summit in the middle of the little island, his house certainly looked like something that attracted the attention of storms and squalls.
When the wind and cold had me calling for mercy, he led me inside and kept me company while I warmed up on hot chocolate and a grilled cheese sandwich. Then he took me out for a cruise of Resurrection Bay on his fishing skiff. The beauty and majesty of the snowy peaks surrounding the bay made my heart stutter with awe. A peaceful reverence bathed my wounded spirit. I blessed him for understanding my need to absorb it all in silence. A person could heal in such a place. Maybe that’s why he’d brought me here.
“You should probably call and check in with your parents,” Thorin said. “Let them know you’re okay. I’m not so sure they took my word for it.”
I closed my eyes and leaned into the frigid breeze blowing off the water, letting it numb me, starting with my nose and cheeks and moving inward. “Is it wrong of me for not wanting to face them yet? I’ve done what I can for now to make them safe. But how do I look them in the eye? How do I pretend I’m still the daughter they think they know and love?”
“You don’t have to face them yet. But you should probably give them some reassurance. They deserve that much at least. Don’t you think?”
“You’re probably right.” I didn’t sound very convincing.
Thorin drew back on the boat’s throttle and shifted into neutral, leaving the engines to idle as he drew me into his embrace. I sank into his warmth. “I would have chosen differently for you. I would have chosen the suffering if it saved you from this. You asked for my protection, and I failed you.”
I looked into his eyes, losing myself in his warm brown gaze. “‘The blame is his who chooses. God is blameless.’”
“You read my Plato book?”
I smiled. “It’s not God’s fault, and it isn’t your fault either. Don’t choose the blame, Thorin.”
“I could say the same thing to you, couldn’t I?”
I bobbed my head once. “I know, and I’m working on it. We’re both still alive. I think we’ve both kept our promises.”
After we returned to the dock, I hurried up the hill to his house and left Thorin to secure the boat. In the kitchen, I poured a glass of water and gulped it down. Using a phone I borrowed from Thorin, I dialed the number to my dad’s cell. As it rang, I concentrated on steadying my breathing and slowing my pulse. Why did I feel as though I was facing a jury about to hand down my conviction?
“Hello?” Dad said after the second ring.
“Hey, Dad, it’s me... Solina.” Duh, who else?
His breath whooshed over the airwaves like a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank goodness. Baldur has been telling us you’re all right, but we weren’t sure we could believe him. We’re not sure what to believe anymore.”
“I know how you feel. The world has lost its mind, hasn’t it?”
Dad gave an uncomfortable chuckle. “You can say that again.”
“Is Baldur treating you well? You and Mom have everything you need?”
“He’s been an excellent host, but we’d feel a whole lot better if you were here with us.”
“I know, Dad, but it’s not a good idea. There are people, monsters, after me. They’d hurt you to get to me if they could. For now, the farther we stay apart, the better. There’s nowhere safer for you than New Breidablick, but I plan to finish this soon. Then things can go back to normal… or as normal as possible, considering everything that’s happened.”
“What do you mean, finish?”
I scratched my fingernails over my scalp, loosening tangles the windy boat ride had worked into my hair. The kitchen door opened and banged shut, bringing in Thorin and a burst of cold air. I turned around to face him, and he winked at me. “I mean put an end to it. Don’t ask for details because I’m not sure I can give them to you. But I have the God of Thunder and a horde of Valkyries for allies. How awesome is that?”
“I hear the words you’re saying, Solina, but they’re not making any sense. Valkyries? God of Thunder? Do you mean…” My dad lowered his voice to a whisper. “Thor?”
I snickered. “Don’t be silly. Thor’s been dead a long time. I’m talking about his son, Magni.” That’ll make Dad’s head spin for a while. “Look, I have some things I need to do.” I had nothing I needed to do, but I’d make up any excuse to get off the phone and end this familial awkwardness. “Tell Mom I called and I love her.”
“Wait, Solina…”
“Dad, please. I don’t know what else to say. You’re going to have to trust me. I’ll call soon, I promise. Love you, okay?”
My dad sighed again. “Love you, too.”
I flicked my thumb over the END icon and passed the phone to Thorin. “Glad that’s over.”
“You and your parents not getting along?”
I shrugged. “We used to be nearly inseparable.”
He stepped closer. “A lot of things have changed, though. Right?”
I nodded.
