He leaned back and pressed his lips together in a haughty way.
“This time the consequence was nearly losing my own life. Next time it might be someone else’s—maybe yours. The choices I make, they affect people. They especially affect you, and you deserve more consideration from me. I’ve said that before, I know. I’m afraid this is an apology I’ll be making to you a lot.”
He harrumphed but remained silent.
I took his hand, brought it to my chest, and carefully laid his palm over my heart. His brow furrowed, and he stared at his hand as if he didn’t know what to make of it. I gave him a weak smile. “But you must also understand I’ll never be someone who can sit aside while others fight on my behalf. I can’t apologize for going after those children. Even knowing what I know now, I would do it again. That part, I can’t be sorry for.”
Gideon twisted his wrist and grasped my fingers. He tugged my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles. My new heart skipped a beat. “I’ve told you before that I know who you are, Evie. Fierce and brave, and yes, impetuous. I admire that about you, but it also frightens me.”
He squeezed my hand and leaned closer, staring earnestly into my eyes. “When the Kerch’s gun took you down, I thought she’d shot me, too. I thought my heart had exploded, that someone had shoved a knife through my back. But it wasn’t a weapon. It was my fear, tearing me apart. I thought....” His throat worked several times as he closed his eyes, obviously searching for composure. “I thought you were dead. I told you before not to change yourself, not for anyone, not even me. I said I would keep up with you, and I didn’t. I was supposed to protect you, and I failed.”
I did touch him then, cupping his stubbled jaw as I traced my thumb over his cheekbone and the burn scars lingering there. Leaning in, I inhaled, savoring his scent of horses, leather, and something distinctly him. “I know that feeling, Gideon. When Vanessa’s fire took you at the castle, I blamed myself. She was there because of me, and you were the one who paid for it.”
He buried his free hand in my hair, which hung in tangles down my back, loose from its braid for the first time in ages. He chuckled, but it sounded more like the rumble of a hungry bear. “We’ll be the death of each other, I guess.”
Grandfather, I thought, if you’re paying attention, now might be a good time to go take a nap. I leaned closer, my mouth inches from Gideon’s. “But what a lovely way to go.”
I pressed my lips against his, and a warm ache crept up from my toes, flooding me with heat. My new heart worked overtime, keeping up with the thrill of Gideon’s kiss when he leaned into me and groaned. For a moment that ended far too soon, the world was nothing more than him and me and the feel of his lips against mine.
He pulled away first, and I nearly grabbed his ears and tugged him closer. He read the disappointment on my face and chuckled, breaking the mood. “You’ve been mostly dead for two days, Evie. You and I have time. Right now, what you need most is rest.”
I scowled, but refused to resort to begging. “Stay with me until I fall asleep?”
He brushed his knuckles over my cheeks. “Only if you promise to close your eyes and be quiet.”
“If you’re going to be bossy, you can leave.”
He chuckled again and shifted, stretching his legs out beside me. He leaned his shoulders against the wall behind us. “Go to sleep, your highness.”
I snorted and rolled over, giving him my back, and I feel asleep to the rhythm of his breathing and my steady new heartbeat.
***
I woke with thunder reverberating in my ears, but when I peered through the window, stars sparkled in a clear night sky, showing no signs of storms. Sweat covered me, drenching my hairline. My nightgown clung to me. A dark thought, cold and dreadful, skittered in my mind, retreating like a spider withdrawing from a sudden light. Was it a nightmare or a memory, a distant recollection of my brief death, rising to the surface like bubbles in a fetid swamp?
I stared at the wagon’s ceiling and listened to my heart thumping, my pulse beating in my ears, reassuring myself that I had, in fact, survived.
Can it really be true? I wondered. Had Svieta saved me with a miraculous contraption inhabited by my grandfather’s spirit?
It seemed beyond reckoning, beyond anything any one person could accomplish, and yet I’d ridden on the back of the proof of Svieta’s incredible capabilities. If I could accept Sher-sah’s existence, I should be able to accept a similar miracle had saved me. Laying a hand over my bandages, I felt the palpitations of Svieta’s amazing machine thrum beneath my fingers.
I’d touched death, and it gave me a nasty wound in return—not only the flayed flesh on my chest, but also in my mind. A bit of my essence had turned dark and cold. Nothing like that had troubled me before—this was utterly new and terrifying.
When I’d first learned the secret of Falak’s mechanical arm, he’d asked if I considered him to be just a machine. I told him a few mechanical parts hadn’t annulled his humanity. Now that he and I shared a similar condition, did I still believe that was true?
When it came to Sher-sah, Ynnua, and Ajej, we had all accepted they were not merely spirits stuffed into machines but that they were something more than. If that was true, why was I having such a hard time believing my new heart hadn’t somehow made me into something that was less than?
Gideon slept beside me, curled at the edge of the bed. He didn’t snore, but his deep breaths implied he was utterly comatose and unaware. Carefully, I disentangled myself from my warm cocoon of blankets and tiptoed outside. Each step sent shivers of pain through my chest, but I gritted my teeth and ignored my body’s protests. Going out on my own was selfish, perhaps, and dangerous—not that those concerns stopped me. I could think of only one thing that might relieve the dread, the one thing that always made me feel alive.
Reaching deep into my mind, I found the old connection that had been absent for the last few months. When I tugged on it, something inside me stirred. Maybe it was the spirit of my grandfather, lending his assistance. I tugged again, and the sky vibrated as clouds rolled toward me, answering my call.
Perhaps this power wasn’t really mine, but an extension of my grandfather’s. If so, I didn’t care because the thunder’s response felt the same. It felt like hugging my father and sitting with him before the fire on a cold night while he read aloud from his books of myths and legends. Exercising my powers again felt like scratching an itch I hadn’t been able to reach for ages. It felt like a hot meal, an even hotter bath, and a soft warm bed after days of weary travelling.
It felt like going home after being away for far, far too long.
Lightning filled my veins in a way I hadn’t managed in months, and when a pale-blue streak crackled across the sky and the thunder answered with a quiet purr, my heart leapt. Tears burned in my throat. The performance wasn’t much, though. Certainly nothing like the powerful displays my father had showed me, and nothing like my attack on Lord Daeg’s estate.
You need more believers, more faith to bolster your powers.
Something brushed against my side, and I turned to find Sher-sah had relinquished his patrol and joined me. He sat and turned his gaze to the sky, studying the clouds. Instead of frightening him, the storm seemed to intrigue him. His lack of fear emboldened my own courage. I leaned against him, letting him support my weight.
Taking care not to irritate my wound, I raised one hand, fingers splayed, and beckoned. A gentle breeze blew in, tossing my hair, tugging at my long night shirt, knotting it around my ankles. Throwing back my head, I laughed, and the thunder grumbled. Another streak of lightning sketched a pale line across the sky.
“Evie?” Gideon had appeared beside me, but he stood several feet away as if wary of getting too close—both to me and to the lion. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?”
“You’ll wake the entire camp. Everyone will know who you are—what you are.”
“Good. Let them know. Let them see me. I need their strength.”
“Why, Evie?” He stepped closer. His hands curled around my shoulders. His gaze pierced me deeply, as though he wanted me to look inside his head, read his thoughts, see his fear. “You can’t possibly think you’re in any shape to fight.”
“No, I’m not ready to fight, but we know Jackie’s already on our heels. What am I supposed to do—ask him to go away and give me a few more weeks to recover?”
“Aren’t you afraid you’ve sent Faerecourt a giant flaming beacon telling him exactly where to find you?”
I shook my head. “Jackie doesn’t need my thunder to find me. I think he’s been scrying me the same way Otokar found the Fantazikes.”
“Then why hasn’t he come for us already?”
“He’s probably biding his time and setting more traps. The Kerch was his first one, do you honestly believe it was his last?” I fisted my hands in Gideon’s shirt, imploring. “He’s coming for me whether I’m strong enough to fight him or not. I can stick my head in the sand, or I can make the best of what I have, and what I have is a circus full of potential believers, and you know what they say....”
He scowled. “What do they say?”
“Seeing is believing. If we’re going to stand a chance against Le Poing Fermé, I need these people to see me. I need them to believe.”
As if I’d uttered a Magical spell, the circus came awake. Lanterns were lit. Wagon doors and windows opened. People poked their heads out to stare at the sky and at me, some with dumfounded awe, others with confusion. Camilla Bianchi stood in her doorway, staring at me as though she could see inside me. I raised a hand like an orchestra conductor urging the percussionists to play, and the thunder crashed, echoing off the mountains. Somewhere a horse whinnied. Sher-sah growled.
“Did you hear what the Kerch said before everything fell apart?” I asked Gideon.
“Which part? She said a lot of things.”
“The part about why she’d taken the children in the first place.”
“She was going to trade you.” He paused, and a muscle bulged in his jaw as he clenched his teeth. His hands fisted at his side. “She was going to give you to Le Poing Fermé.”
I nodded. “She might have succeeded if not for you and the others. Le Poing Fermé isn’t finished with me. In fact, I’ll be surprised if they’re not already waiting for me when we reach Barsava. I may not be strong enough to stand against them yet, but I’ll be damned if I lie down and let them take me.”
