“If you get sick, too, I’m not sure the captain’s generosity will extend to you.”
“Fine.” I laid Jackie on the deck, scraping his sodden hair off his brow. “We’ve done what we can. The rest, I suppose, is up to the gods and to whatever source feeds his Magic. May they have mercy on his soul.”
Chapter 23
The Powers That Be must have heard my words and felt merciful, after all. Jackie’s fever broke around noon, and he slept through the next three days, waking only to take water and food or rising to let me help him stumble to the head when he needed to relieve himself. I played the role of attentive nurse to perfection, holding back my distaste long enough to bathe him and keep him comfortable. He never questioned my assistance. Perhaps his ego had convinced him I was sympathetic and had discovered tender feelings for him. Maybe he was too tired and hurt to question my motives. Maybe he was too smart to ask.
Once I was certain he would recover, I could’ve ignored him and let him care for himself, but Jackie valued the appearance of civility and manners. If I kept him in a good mood, he’d be more likely to humor me and perhaps be less likely to use his Magic against me. Hopefully it meant he’d be less likely to discover the Magic I intended to use against him, as well.
By our fifth day at sea, he’d recovered enough strength to apply a bit of Magic to speed his healing. I returned from a late-morning stroll around the deck to find Jackie bathed and dressed. His hair shimmered, and the pallor had drained from his face. He was as pale as always, but pink undertones warmed his skin.
“Don’t you look like a new man,” I said, appraising his improvement.
Bare toes peeked from the cuffs of his blue linen trousers. He wore a thin cotton shirt, open at the neck—his façade more casual than the one he normally presented.
“Feeling better?”
A flush rose in his cheeks. Something warm burned in his eyes. “Thanks to you, yes.”
“Don’t let it go to your head.” I tilted my chin toward the hallway. “I was just coming to see if you wanted anything to eat. Clarice says there’s lunch in the galley. It’s not much, some fish filets and bread, but it’ll keep your stomach full.”
“Can we eat it on the deck? I feel like I haven’t seen the sun in days.”
“Can you manage the stairs? Go on up. I’ll get our plates and join you.”
He nodded then shuffled out, still in bare feet, and worked his way to the deck, one slow step at a time. After filling two plates with fish, bread, dollops of butter, and a few chunks of fried potato, I joined Jackie on a bench near the portside rail. With his eyes closed and face tilted toward the sun, he looked like a nymph as the wind played with his hair. In so many ways, he was a lovely young man, and with his abilities, he could’ve been a strong ally. A friend. Instead, his powers had corrupted him, and he’d forever be my enemy. That realization saddened me, and I grieved the friendship and bond that would never exist between us.
“What’s that look on your face?” he asked as he accepted his lunch plate. “You look so sad.”
Settling beside him, I handed him a fork. I considered telling him to mind his own business, but what was the harm in being frank for once? I’d probably never have the chance to talk to him so openly again. “I was thinking about the loss of friendship.”
“Do you mean between you and me?”
I forked a piece of fish and inspected it, searching for bones. “If our conflict was a simple disagreement, there would still be amity between us, and I think you could have been a very good friend, Jackie.”
“You’re right. I could.” He set his plate in his lap and smeared a thick layer of butter on his bread. “I still can be.”
“No. It’s too late for that.” The fish needed more salt, but at least it tasted fresh, and Anscombe had managed to keep from burning it or drying it out. “There’s nothing between us for the kind of foundation a friendship requires. We share no mutual goals or beliefs. You want power, and you’ll do whatever it takes to get it.”
His brow furrowed. “If only you could see the world through my eyes.”
“I have seen it through your eyes, and it scares me.” His dream of creating a child born of goddess and Magician... If such a thing had ever happened before, I’d never heard of it. Probably for good reason.
“Only because you don’t trust me.”
“Why should I? You attacked my friends, suppressed my powers, held me captive...” I gestured to the ship. “Kidnapped me.”
The knot in his throat bobbed. He poked at his food, pushing potatoes around his plate. “Don’t think I don’t know that I’ve hurt you.”
“Then why do you do it?”
He set aside his plate, stood, and leaned against the rail, gazing at the endless ocean. “My need for you, for what we’ll achieve together, outweighs all other considerations. It must, if I’m to succeed.”
“Le Poing Fermé—”
He sliced his hand through the air. “Le Poing Fermé has nothing to do with this. They have never shared my vision. They’ve always been a means to an end, nothing more.”
“Just like me.” His confession about Le Poing Fermé was an interesting admission. I tucked the information away, more ammunition for my growing arsenal.
His already-fierce expression blazed brighter. The earnestness in his face scared me. He was a zealot, and that made him oh so dangerous. “No, not like you. You are the end game.”
“Until I give you a child. Then I will be nothing more than chaff to be cast aside.”
He grabbed my shoulders and yanked me to my feet. My plate crashed to the deck, but he ignored it. “I would never cast aside the woman I love.”
I’d intended to make Jackie my pawn by using Magic, but he might have been even more vulnerable if I’d simply gone after his heart. What would he be willing to do for me if I let him think there was a chance for us to have a future together? Could I manipulate him that way and not lose my own soul? “You don’t know what love is.”
He released me and stepped back, his face going dark. “My sister would disagree.”
“You’re not asking me to be your sister, though.” I wrapped my fingers around the railing and clutched it until my knuckles pressed white against my skin. The skies had darkened, winds kicking up. The waves swelled.
He eyed the sky and turned his wary expression on me. He pointed at the clouds. “This is your doing?”
“I’m not going to electrocute you. Don’t worry.”
His severe posture eased ever so slightly. “If you wanted me dead, you had plenty of opportunities already.” He cleared his throat. “What you did for me... You saved me. Was there no love in your efforts at all?”
There was a great deal of love in my efforts but not for him.
