“Happy?” She scowled. “He might be happy, but I’m not. I don’t want to be open, or swing, and I don’t even like unicorns. They freak me out. Open? That’s a joke. He means open between us but secret to the town, of course. God forbid his precious reputation be tarnished.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Divorce him…I think.” She gave me a pleading look. “That’s why I came to you. You’ve been divorced and you’re going to raise these babies alone. I figured you’re an expert in this department. Please, Tiffany, you have to help me.”
I laughed out loud.
The woman was beyond offensive, and my patience was wearing thin. “I’m no expert, Bitsy. I was only married once, and he cheated on me. I came here in good faith, but yes, you are offending me. If there’s nothing else, I think I’ll go.” I stood.
Bitsy cried harder. “I’m sorry. Please don’t leave. I’ve never been good with words. Never had many friends, either.”
I sat back down in a chair this time. “Apology accepted. Divorce is messy and hard and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Do you love Roger?”
She nodded hard.
“Then talk to him. You never know how much he’s willing to compromise unless you have an honest conversation. Maybe there is a way to save your marriage, if that’s what you want. You have a beautiful, precious baby girl now that you share. I’ve seen you and Roger together. It’s plain to see he married you for more than just her. He cares about you, too.”
“You really think so?”
“I do.”
“You know, I too have eyes. I would give anything for Roger to look at me the way Matt looks at you.” Her voice was soft. “It’s okay if you don’t want to marry him. You can still love each other and be a family.”
I was already shaking my head. “He doesn’t want that. He wants it all.”
“That was before. Like you said, you’ll never know what he’s willing to compromise on if you don’t have that honest conversation.” She threw my words back at me and asked, “Do you love him?”
My heart started beating out of my chest.
My attraction from the moment I met Matthew McGinnis had grown into so much more than his external gorgeous presence. He was kind and compassionate. When I talked, he really listened. He was patient and understanding. He made me feel seen and heard and safe. Even though we lived together, I missed him when he wasn’t with me. I thought about him all the time. I swallowed hard as the realization set in.
The answer was yes.
I was in love with Matt…but was love enough?
I kept asking myself that question over the next two weeks, terrified to tell him how I really felt. I knew that he cared about me and wanted more, but he hadn’t said he loved me, either. And I honestly didn’t know if I wanted him to…
I was still afraid he would change his mind and reject me like everyone else I had loved.
I couldn’t handle that from him. It was the fear of his rejection which held me back from saying those three little words first. I would rather stay in control, protect my heart, and go our separate ways when the year is up like we’d planned.
No romance, just friends…and co-parents.
Easier said than done, today especially.
It was the first Thanksgiving without Grammy. Matt and his Stateside family were hosting Thanksgiving in the pub. He’d tried to get me to join them, but I just couldn’t. The girls had tried to get me to join them as well, but I needed to be alone with my thoughts.
Even Rita had reached out.
I had a good cry and then I headed to my grandmother’s storage unit. It was time. I kept a few items myself and sorted other items for various charities. But then I stumbled upon a small, firesafe box with my name on it. I brought it home with me and proceeded to stare at it for several hours.
I don’t know why I was nervous about what was inside.
I put on classical music in the background—Grammy’s favorite. Then I waddled to the couch with my herbal tea, comfy maternity sweatsuit, and fuzzy socks. Propping my feet on the ottoman, I set the box next to me on the couch and finally opened it.
There was a genuine pearl necklace—her birthstone and mine—that I clasped around my neck. The cool stones settled against my skin, and I felt comforted. Next, there was a fancy letter opener. I’d always seen that on her desk for as long as I could remember, even though no one wrote letters anymore and most mail was electronic these days.
Still…I would cherish it.
I picked up a picture of her holding me as a baby, and I smiled at the look of adoration on both our faces. Looking closer, I realized she was too young for that to be me. I slowly turned the picture over, and the inscription said:
Rita, my angel from above, I’ll love you with all my heart forever. Love, Mommy.
Glancing back into the box, I noticed a bundle of newspaper clippings. I picked up the stack and thumbed through it. One was the story of Tabatha’s husband and daughter’s death in the housefire. Others were of the books she’d illustrated. Beneath that, there was a list titled: Referrals for Rita’s Housecleaning Business, and another list titled: Referrals for Charlie’s Classic Car Restoration Business.
They had no idea she’d been keeping tabs on them and helping them out all along.
The last item in the box was a letter addressed to me. With shaking hands, I pulled it out and began to read my grandmother’s words. I would know her handwriting anywhere.
My darling Tiffany,
If you’re reading this, then I must have crossed over to raise a little hell in Heaven…if I get to Heaven, that is. This old girl has made a lot of mistakes over the years that I’ve tried to make amends for in my own way.
One of my biggest mistakes is what I did to you.
I never should have separated you from your sister, Tabatha. Twins are special. Your grandfather only married me for my family’s money. The only good thing he ever did before he died was give me my angel, Rita. I wasn’t sad when he died. That might be wrong, but he wasn’t a nice man.
