I stared at him. “You honestly think that makes up for what you did? You left me alone and vulnerable. I needed you, Matt. I called out for you, but you weren’t there when I needed you most.”
He looked like he didn’t know what to say. “Ye were sleeping so peacefully; I didn’t want to wake ye.”
“So, you left me.” I gaped at him. “You know how I feel about being rejected. Not wanted.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I didn’t leave ye on purpose, lass. I would never do that.” His gaze held mine. “Can’t ye see I love ye?”
Now? He finally says the words now…after everything that happened?
I was already shaking my head. “I don’t believe you.” My voice hitched. I couldn’t believe him. I couldn’t risk my heart. I cleared my throat and said with resolve, “We made love, and I woke up needing you, but you were gone. That is a mistake I will never make again.” Tears filled my eyes, and my breathing grew choppy. “You left me, Matt. I’ll never forgive you for that.”
His eyes grew suspiciously shiny, and he looked like he was in as much pain as I was. “Don’t ye even want to hear what happened?”
“No.” I turned away. “It doesn’t matter.”
Deep in my brain I knew I sounded unfair. Irrational. But I couldn’t help it. I’d been hurt too many times in the past not to assume the worst. I couldn’t go through that again.
“I think it’s best if you stay on your side of the house and stop trying to take care of me. It will hurt far less that way when you don’t.”
“Okay, love, whatever ye want,” he said, his voice full of emotion as he walked out of my room and softly closed the door behind him.
“This is what I want,” I firmly stated as I stared at the door, regaining control.
Yes, we had agreed upon rules for a reason. This mama would protect her heart and her boys at all costs going forward. This horribly, scary incident had brought it all home.
“My boys.” I smiled, placing my hands on my belly as I felt their synchronized gymnastics. I giggled and looked up expectantly at the door, instantly missing Matt’s larger-than-life energy. I sniffed, and whispered into the engulfing silence of my room, this time to convince myself once and for all, “It is what I want.”
Then why did it hurt so badly?
One week later I went home from the hospital. Matt was absent as I requested. I hadn’t spoken to him except for the text I sent, asking him to give me the afternoon to get settled back home. He said, Okay, and that was it.
“I really appreciate you taking me home. Both of you.” I smiled at Rita and Tabatha. “You both being there for me in my time of need means more than you’ll ever know.”
Rita propped pillows around me on the couch. “I’m just grateful you reached out to me.” She smiled at me lovingly. “I honestly never thought I would see this day.”
“Almost losing my own babies gave me a new perspective on life…and family.” I looked at my mother and sister. “I want us to start over if that’s okay.”
“I know all about what it’s like to lose the things you love most,” Tabatha said quietly as she sat down beside me. “I’m done with the losing part. It’s time we gained something, dammit. We’ve all earned at least that much.”
“And then some.” I laughed.
“Can I ask what changed your mind?” Rita brought me some tea.
“Thank you, but you don’t have to wait on me.” I took the cup and warmed my hands.
“I’ve waited forty years to take care of my other daughter. Please don’t deny me that.” She covered my legs with a blanket.
My eyes grew misty. “If I’m being honest, I’ve waited a lifetime to be taken care of by you. It feels wonderful.”
“So, about my question,” she prodded gently. “Why exactly did you change your mind about letting us into your life?”
I sighed. “Grammy.”
Rita blinked. “I don’t understand.”
Tabatha scowled. “I don’t really care.”
“Open that box on the end table, and you just might.” I pointed to the fire-safe box I’d found in Grammy’s storage unit.
Rita folded her hands in her lap and stared, looking terrified, at the box. “I-I can’t.”
“I can.” Tabatha grabbed the box and yanked it open. Her bravado left and a look of confusion crossed her face as she sorted through the items. Her expressive face revealed all of her emotions as her throat worked to get out, “She kept tabs on me all along?”
I nodded. “She was as proud of you as she was me.”
Tabatha was tougher than me. She never cried. One big tear spilled over her eyelashes and rolled down her cheek. She quickly swiped it away. “I always wondered if she knew or even cared that she had a granddaughter.”
I reached out and held her hand. “She even set up a college scholarship in your daughter’s name at Mayflower High School for one lucky senior each year.”
“I never knew.” Tabatha wiped away another tear.
I shook my head. “None of us did.”
“I don’t understand any of this.” Rita stared at the lists of clients she’d secretly sent to her and Charlie. “She ruined my life, or tried to, but I wouldn’t let her. Why would she then try to help us? My only regret in this world is in not fighting harder to keep you. We might not have had much, but we had each other.”
I reached into the box and pulled out the letter. “She knew she was wrong. She had regrets but didn’t know how to make amends other than giving things. That was the only world she knew.”
