“I still don’t know why You chose me,” she said, her voice louder than she’d expected in the small room. “I don’t know if I did right by You, or by the world. I might have made our burdens worse. But the war is done. It is finished, and…” She trailed off, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “I think You might be, too.”
The Second Son was vanquished, or at the very least, distilled. Brianne held the key to the Archives, would keep Her memory alive, while Silas helmed Her Church. Her word had been returned to its intended usage: inspiring good works and good acts—acts and works that Sabine would continue. She did not need to be the second coming of the New Maiden to do good. More importantly, she did not want to be the New Maiden. She wanted to be Sabine—tinged with darkness, filled with light.
It was time to return Her title. Which Sabine could not do until she returned Her name.
Sabine spoke the New Maiden’s name like a prayer. She sang it like a hymn. She let it fill up the chapel around her, let it drape across her tongue and linger on her lips. Sabine let Isolde exist, the way She once had. Let Isolde live, the way She had never been allowed.
With every syllabic refrain, Sabine worked to dislodge the shard of Her soul, wiggling it out like a loose tooth, coaxing it forth like a frightened animal. Then Sabine spoke the New Maiden’s name one final time. With a sound like a sigh, she felt her darkness release its hold on that small speck of diamond dust.
Sabine saw Her then, for a single second, as Isolde’s soul burst forth to meet her. In that moment, she wanted to keep Her, for how could she live alone? But then Sabine caught sight of Her face. Isolde was smiling like She never had in the images hung above the altars. How good, how bright, how beautiful She had been.
A girl, never destined for anyone to own.
And so Sabine let the New Maiden go.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
My sadness is a great and terrible thing, beautiful and often impossible for me to hold.
For a long time, this emotion felt unearned—my life is good, therefore I should have no reason to feel this way. My brain could not figure out how to make the feeling fit. And so, I ran from it. Throughout my teenaged years—while I held my friends’ hands as we navigated their own sadness, as we screamed and cried together at their suffering—I let my own darkness devour me and did not say a word.
I was diagnosed with depression in college. I then experienced a panic attack so vivid I took myself to the emergency room in my early twenties. There were months at a time when I was twenty-five where I existed within a fog, hardly able to walk down the street without the pavement spinning beneath my feet, my vision going black, my heart hammering so hard I thought it might burst out my chest. I was getting older, but not wiser. Weaker, it seemed.
I was too proud to ask for help. Was certain I could make it through if I just kept going. Kept pushing forward. Continued to bottle up my emotions. Denied myself the truth. It took me a long time to embrace medication and therapy. Longer, still, to believe I deserved to find a careful coexistence with my sadness.
It wasn’t until I had fully embraced this piece of myself that I realized how different my life might have been if I was brave enough to face my darkness. To ask for help naming it. To get the support I needed to finally understand that there was nothing wrong with me for holding it. That it was a part of me, just like my heart and brain and soul. That I could do more than just endure it. That I could exist alongside of it, rather than in spite of it.
This is how Sabine was born. A girl who literally bottled up her emotions, whose depression existed as a tangible, shadowy thing. It was only by learning how to live with her darkness that Sabine’s true power was unlocked. It was only by speaking her emotions out loud that her destiny revealed itself. Sabine did what I could not at seventeen: She embraced her sadness as an intrinsic part of her. But instead of bending to its whims, she claimed it as her own.
The darkness does not own us. It does not command us. It’s simply a part of us. If it ever feels like too much to hold, say something. Ask for help. You are never alone in this.
You are more than your darkness. Don’t let it eclipse you. Each of you contains light.
SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a confidential, free 24/7 information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This group provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. Visit samhsa.gov or call 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I am so grateful to have the opportunity to offer my continued thanks to (and for) the following folks: To Jessica Anderson and Jim McCarthy for absolutely everything all of the time. To the team at Christy Ottaviano Books. To the folks at Little, Brown Books for Young Readers/Hachette, including Janelle DeLuise, Hannah Koerner, Esther Reisberg, Cassie Malmo, and Kelly Moran; copy editor Richard Slovak; and proofreaders Kelley Frodel and Su Wu. To Karina Granda for the art direction and Gemma O’Brien for the cover art. To Calah Singleton and the Hodderscape team. To the booksellers, bloggers, and readers who have loved, shared, posted, or talked about one of my books. To the friends who let me scream, cry, rant, rage, celebrate—sometimes all in one breath. To the family who shows up, every single time, for me and my art. Finally, to Katie (& Kit). I’d do all of it again for you.
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ADRIENNE TOOLEY grew up in Southern California, majored in musical theater in Pittsburgh, and now lives in Brooklyn with her wife; their dog, Biscuit; eight guitars; and a banjo. She’s the author of the Betrayal Prophecies duology, which includes The Third Daughter and The Second Son; the Indie Next List selection Sofi and the Bone Song; and Sweet & Bitter Magic. In addition to writing books, she is a singer-songwriter and has released several EPs, which are available on Spotify and other streaming sites. She invites you to visit her online at adriennetooley.com and on social media @adriennetooley.
PRAISE FOR THE BETRAYAL PROPHECIES
BOOK 1: The Third Daughter
“Immersive and intense; hand this royal fantasy to readers of Kendare Blake’s Three Dark Crowns and Victoria Aveyard’s Red Queen series.”
—SLJ
“My only complaint about the book is that I wish it had been four times as long.”
—Heather Hogan, Autostraddle
“An enchanting YA.… A riveting star-crossed romance as well as a story of two teenage girls embracing their emotions as a source of strength.”
