Sometimes I dream about being pulled under that bright blue fantasy-island water, through the murky green Long Island Sound, and back into the world where I took my first breath after so many minutes of being gone. Somewhere else. Somewhere in between. I wonder if this is what it’s like being transferred out of the womb. Shocking, cold, but ultimately a relief.
Since I came back, it’s been a whole new life. Eric proposed to me the day I opened my eyes. I asked him to give me some time to think about it. Technically I was still a newborn, I joked. There’s no doubt I love him and want to spend my life with him, but I don’t have much experience in making plans. Not ones that work out, anyway.
Given that my target among the final guests at Stars Harbor missed the mark, I think I need to work on communication. I want to take things slowly. Andi, on the other hand, has jumped in the deep end. From new five-star reviews to reports from the vendors and stories from Eric, she’s facing the challenges of her new life with grace.
“I’m ready,” I tell her.
Andi bundles me up and Eric carries me to his truck, though it’s a warm November day and I can walk myself. We ride in sweet, thick silence, like a body pillow I can collapse into.
When we pull up to the deer gate—Eric driving and Andi in the back seat—I break into quiet sobs. The doctors warned me that I might experience sudden and strong emotions, and I’m unexpectedly overwhelmed by the sight of the welcome sign for Stars Harbor Astrological Retreat.
Eric and Andi have stepped up in ways I could never have imagined, and as hard as it is to let them help, it’s been a constant reminder that I don’t have to shoulder every burden on my own, as I did before.
“Are you okay?” Andi asks.
I nod, not even bothering to wipe away the tears.
“You get what you get and you don’t get upset,” I say.
This new life is even better than the last. I don’t know how I got so lucky.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I am endlessly grateful to the people who edit, design, sell, and share books. As a little girl who felt lonely in the great big world, I was never alone with a novel. Later, as a mother, I found comfort in fiction, a reminder that a captivating world still existed outside of my new identity. As a writer, I discovered community with those of us digging up our wounds to tell stories. I hope I’ve provided that same comfort, perspective, or entertainment to at least one reader.
To my agent, Claire Friedman, for your decisive action and unwavering support. There are no words to express my gratitude for your guidance in making my lifelong dream come true. I have never given up the reins so completely as I did to you when this novel went on submission, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made because it led me to Natalie Hallak.
Natalie, my appreciation for your edits knows no bounds; specifically your trust that there’s more talent inside me than I think, and your willingness to toss out off-the-wall suggestions that set my creativity on fire. I am so grateful for what you saw in my original submission, as much as your refusal to leave it at that. And thanks for letting me be weird.
How lucky am I that I get to collaborate with not one but two amazing editors at Atria? Kaitlin Olson, we’ve only just begun working together but our shared Capricorn moons and Pisces placements are already adding up to a creative and productive dynamic.
Being published by Atria Books had been a dream of mine before I even knew what an imprint was, and now that I’m “on the inside,” it’s no longer a fantasy but a beautiful reality. I have to thank Elizabeth Hitti, Ife Anyoku, Maudee Genao, and Gena Lanzi for that.
I could not have finished this book and pushed her out into the world without Alissa Lee. You were there as this book started to come together in Henriette’s class at Grub Street, and you answered my plea for a reader a year later. Soon we were regularly exchanging entire manuscripts, meeting on Zoom to brainstorm, attending retreats together, and revealing our personal lives in bars and cars on both coasts. Your guidance, sharp insight, and encouragement shaped not only the revisions on The Astrology House, but me as a writer.
Christie Tate, your decade of friendship is written all over me as a mother, friend, and author. We started putting words together to make sense of our ambition bumping up against our legal careers and motherhood. We kept putting more and more words together to tell stories. You led the charge into the publishing world and never let me fall away while your rocket soared. I am so grateful we get to explore all the new places together.
I have written several novels that live in the proverbial drawer, but the only reason I wrote one worth reading is my Pop Fiction Women co-host, Kate. Together we fell down many rabbit holes of astrology until I knew enough to write a character who had to grapple with her own fate. Our interviews with authors allowed me to see that a life publishing novels was possible, and that I wasn’t doomed because of past failures. Our continuous conversations (on and off camera) push me to new heights. Thank you for saying yes.
I learned to take myself seriously as a writer at the Northern California Writers’ Retreat in 2017 and I learned to enjoy the rollercoaster ride to publication at the same retreat in 2023. Deep gratitude to both authors-in-residence, Stephanie Danler and Kirstin Chen, as well as my workshop leader, agent Michelle Brower. Heather Lazare, you create magic when you put people together at NCWR. Part of that magic came from my roommate Caro Claire Burke (she and I were the only two adults who rejected the single room and requested to sleep next to a stranger). JJ Elliott, you made us a trio, and I emulate you in life and publishing. You two have seen me through my lowest lows on this journey and I am thrilled I get to thank you in this way (the acknowledgments of my published novel!! Can you believe it?!?!).
Shaun Bernier, the first time I heard you read your words, I knew we’d be friends… and then I found out you lived half a world away in Singapore. Fast forward to 2023, after years of trading pages and emails we celebrated your birthday in person, overlooking the Pacific Ocean, our families in tow, and I guess I wasn’t wrong.
Every Wednesday evening in 2021, fifteen small rectangles met on Zoom in the Grub Street Novel Generator led by the inimitable Henriette Lazaridis. These people helped me water the seeds of this novel. Shaun, Sarah, Melissa, and Katherine Ouellette, your early feedback shaped this story in ways I could not have done alone.
Henriette Lazaridis, there is something about your teaching that goes straight from my brain to my writing fingers. I began putting words together in your “Seed of a story” class, reached “The end” in your novel generator, and learned to evaluate scenes and structure in your revision class. I cannot separate this book from your guidance. Thank you.
Emily Giffin and Ashley Audrain, you are personal and professional heroes of mine. Knowing I’d been burned in publishing before, your relentless enthusiasm gave me the courage to get my hopes up.
Writing is less solitary than I imagined, and that has made all the difference. To my writer people, Grace McNamee, Amanda Churchill, Sara Cutaia, and Tanya Friedman, your work keeps me inspired and your support keeps me motivated. To my reader friends, Samantha Marrin, Laurel MacDonald, Karri-Leigh P. Mastrangelo, and Jeanie, for always sharing books and opinions. To Carol Newman Cronin, our 100+ check-ins have held me accountable and lifted my spirits.
It might be strange to thank your yoga teacher in the acknowledgments of a book with an actual corpse, but Jean Koerner has shepherded me through many transitions in my life: from practitioner to teacher, from woman to mother, and now from writer to author.
Michelle Weiner, thank you for our long conversation about birth order, singletons and siblings, about New York and LA, about building a life and making it count. The adaptation will be I Would Die For You.
On Pop Fiction Women, we’ve had many incredible conversations with writers who have left their mark on me. Thank you to every single woman who gave your time so generously to create art and discuss it with us. You’ve become my community and I’m so grateful. Thank you especially to Katy Hayes, Ashley Audrain, Rachel Koller Croft, Sarah Pearse, Mary Kubica, Carola Lovering, and Avery Carpenter Forrey for reading early versions of this book and sharing your enthusiastic support.
Elisabeth Baker prompted me to buy my very first astrology book and upgraded me from casual to committed. I’ve been researching this novel my entire life, but I used the following books and Instagram accounts as my guides: @costarstrology, @solelunastro, The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need by Joanna Martine Woolfolk, You Were Born for This by Chani Nicholas, and Signs & Skymates by Dossé-Via Trenou. Any inaccuracies or inconsistencies in this novel are my own, done to preserve the narrative.
To Reggie, Bernie, Katie, Stan, Nancy, and Denise, for your over-the-top support of me and my novel. You have gone above and beyond in your own ways, and it touches my heart.
To David and Johnny, for not being anything like the brother in this book and for tolerating all the ways that I’m like the sister. And to Danielle for putting up with all of us.
Ian, you have supported every iteration of my career with steadfast love. From learning how to read a land survey to taking each yoga class I taught, you never hesitate to jump in with me. Of all your roles, podcast producer and story editor are my most treasured. Thank you for spending countless country walks hashing out plot twists, organizing timelines, and sketching pictures of docks. I sincerely don’t know who I would be without you, and I don’t want to either.
Luke and Chyler Jade, when you were born, I came alive too. You helped me write this novel—and navigate this life—in ways you could never imagine. You’ve been aware that I was a writer from the time you were small, but when things really started to happen in publishing, you were as excited as I was. You make me proud every day. Just to know you is a gift.
Finally, thank you to my parents for a childhood of unconditional love that allowed me to (eventually) find the audacity to create, and then call it a life. This all begins with you.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Carinn Jade is a lawyer, writer, and cohost of the Pop Fiction Women podcast. Her essays have been published in The New York Times, DailyWorth, and Motherwell. She has attended the GrubStreet Novel Generator, Yale Writers’ Conference, and the Northern California Writers’ Retreat. Carinn grew up on the North Fork of Long Island and lives with her family in New York City. The Astrology House is her first novel.
